College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!
by The Great Chicken Miasma
Summary: [COMPLETED!] When Peach sends Pikario a letter containing a mysterious map, he sets out to meet her, but soon finds she's gone missing! Not only that, but strange secrets and Pokemon are lurking around every corner! What IS The Very Old Door Thingy?
1. Prolouge: A Bastard's Welcome!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Well, hooray for me for finally getting off my ass and writing something. Anywho, I bet thousands of you guys out there probably got PM: TTYD for X-mas (if not before) and if you did, then you're in for a real treat! Like the plucky little plumber, Pikario will also journey to the outskirts of the Shroomish Kingdom, looking for Peach (AGAIN) with his friends (The Magnificent Seven, they'll call themselves later on) and then he'll do a lot of crap inbetween. Plus, there'll be some references from P&C: PSS in here, too. There's one when Chuigi gets a letter from the Hoogivezahkrap Kingdom, lol. So, enough rambling, and on with the show! BTW, for all the idiots out there, college rule is a type of paper, lol.__

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**College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!**_

_**Prolouge:** A Bastard's Welcome!_**_

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_**

_It was a beautiful day in the Shroomish Kingdom that we all sorta, kinda know. Everyone was having a kinda, sorta good day and... etc. Parakarry walked painfully slow toward Pikario & Chuigi's recently charred house, an explosive result of Chuigi's "Hey, let's commit arson on some random loser's house and then put it out with gasoline!"idea. The two somehow ended up trying that out in their own living room._

Shaking his head, Parakarry put the mail in. **"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!"** he bellowed. **"MAIL CALL! MAIL CALL! COME OUT AND GET YOUR MAIL! AND I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GAY AND THINK I MEAN MALE, AS IN A GUY MALE, BECAUSE I DON'T!!!!"**

Appearing at the door, Chuigi waved a shoe at the Squirtle. "Damn it, Parakarry, stop coming to our house, with all your crappy junk mail! WE DON'T WANT IT!"

He threw the shoe at the departing turtle's head, knocking him unconscious. Shrugging, he went out to get his mail, stepping on Parakarry's head on the way out and back in.

"Yo, Pikario! We got some mail! Get your ass out here so we conviently read it together!" Chuigi barked at his older brother.

Pikario stormed through the door. "What did I tell you about getting the mail?! There's a gun right over there! Always shoot the guy who delivers it so they'll stop coming here!"

"Shut up! I was tired..." Chuigi glared at Pikario, then went through their mail. "Lessee, junk, junk, bill, lawsuit, lawsuit, 'Greetings from Hoogivezahkrap--' that one's mine...!" Chuigi quickly put the note away, then continued. "junk, lawsuit, hate letter, bill, and a letter from Peach."

"Gimme that!" Pikario snatched the letter from Chuigi, who just sweatdropped. He began to read the message:

_Dear Pikario & Chuigi, but more towards Pikario,_

_I got tired from being bored in the castle all day, so I decided to go on a vacation! But I decided to vacation here in the Shroomish Kingdom so that we don't have to go through that whole 'getting my voice stolen and stuff'! Yaysies for me! But, while in this freaky town, Ifound this freaky box from this freaky guy and when I opened it, guess what was inside! A FREAKY PAPER! I don't know what the hell it says, so I sent it in this letter to see if you can figure it out!_

_**Toodles, Princess Peach of the Shroomish Kingdom!!!!!!!!!!!!** _

Pikario frowned up. "Damn it, Peach! Knowing her, it's probably another lawsuit she found by accident! Chuigi, quick, flush it down the toilet and closethe blinds! We're not home!"

Chuigi cocked his head at the paper Peach sent in the letter. "No, Pikario,I don't think this is a lawsuit... looks like a map or something." He turned to so Pikario could see it.

"Whaddya know, it IS a map!" Pikario looked at it upside down.

"Maybe we should, like, go, or something," Chuigi suggested.

Pikario smirked and walked out the door. "Maybe **I **should just go and you can stay here and watch the house!"

Chuigi stood at the door, watching Pikario step on Parakarry and walk out of sight. "Oh, yeah, Pikario! Like the freaking house is really going to do something! What's gonna do, fucking WALK AWAY?!"

As if on cue, the burnt house suddenly stood up on four wooden legs and promptly strolled away!

Chuigi stared blankly off into space. "..."

_

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And so, HE WAS OFF! Yes, Pikario was off to the town where Peach had said she was currently staying so he could straighten her out about when and when not to send him stuff! He took a boat out to the town on the back of the map, but he slept the whole way there, because he didn't want anyone to know how to get there just in case he needed a spot to leave his cares (and brother) behind._

Upon arriving, the Shroomish driving the boat was faced with 2 problems: 1) How to wake Pikario up and 2) how to get him off the ship. Each one of those objectives alone was practically a murder sentence to him.

Reluctantly, he shook the Pikachu awake. "Um, sir..."

"No...not yet, Chuigi..." he mumbled. "We're not back in an hour..."

The Shroomish sweatdropped. "Excuse me?"

"WHA?!" Pikario sat straight up and grabbed the Shroomish. **"WHAT COULD POSSIBLY COMPELL YOU TO WAKE ME?!?!?!"**

"Sorry, sir, but the boat has docked, and..."

"Great." Putting the Shroomish down, he calmly walked off the ship and onto the pier. "Don't wait up for me; I'm not coming back."

The Shroomish sweatdropped. "But, sir... how will you get back home...?"

Pikario narrowed his eyes. "I repeat: DON'T. WAIT. UP. FOR. ME. I'M. NOT. COMING. BACK!"

"Ok, then," the Shroomish backed the boat up and left, somehow steering it backwards!

"Now, where the hell is Peach? She's never around when I need her..." Pikario pondered.

"Ahoy, laddie!" a random Voltorb with an eyepatch and a scarf around its head shouted.

Pikario scratched his head. "Are you supposed to be a pirate or a sailor?"

"..............?" the Voltorb obviously didn't know!

Rolling his eyes, Pikario asked the Voltorb an easier question. "Do know where we are?"

"Sure! We in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard!" the ball replied.

"..................................No, I'm NOT to make a transition out of that," Pikario finally concluded.

**_"HEY, GET AWAY! OW, THAT HURT! NO, NOT THERE! ANYWHERE BUT THERE!!!!!!!!!"_**

_Pikario turned toward the sound. "What the fuck was that?"_

_The_ Voltorb shrugged. "Ah, probably just some poor dame getting raped again. Y'know that's the 10th one today! A NEW RECORD!"

"Really? Cool!" Pikario bolted over to the mainland to catch all the action. The Voltorb was right; it was some poor female Pikachu getting harassed by a Metang and 2 Beldums, although the rape hadn't taken place yet.

"Listen!" the female demanded. "Leave me alone or I'll...I'll... I'll do something!!!"

The Metang laughed. "Bhuh huh huh huh! Ah, why am I laughing?! This isn't funny! This is bad! Gimme the damn map so I can really laugh over something!"

"I don't have the damn map!" the Pikachu retorted.

Watching the ordeal, Pikario found the Pikachu to be quite sexy-looking. She was nice and slender, an inch or two shorter than him. Her ears were pink-tipped and she had a long ponytail and multiple bangs around her head. She had a fluffy pink fur collar around her neck and a pink underbelly with the bottom of tail pink, instead of brown, like the 2 stripes on her back. Her eyes were blue and her arms were also dabbled in a wavy pink. Yes, very sexy indeed, but she was too smart for Pikario's tastes; he liked naive girls a bit better.

"Come on, woman! Just give me the map and we can all laugh... LIKE THIS!!!! Bhuh huh huh huh huh!!!" the Metang said.

"That's a dumb laugh anyway!" she said back.

Getting bored, Pikario stepped in. "Hey, um, can you hurry up and get this over with? I have things to do, you know!"

Seeing her chance, the female hid behind him. "Look, see! My boyfriend has come to help me!"

Pikario did a double take. "BOYFRIEND?!" He pushed the female away. "Sorry, I'm unavailable right now... wait until I get drunk then come see me!"

"Hey! You! Guy! You can't, you know, DO THAT! IT'S GO TIME!" the Metang shouted, jumping at Pikario!

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! HEY, NO ONE'S IN THE AUDIENCE!_**

"Now, what?!" Pikario graoned.

"Just kill this guy! I don't care how! Shoot him, bite him, eat him, PEE ON HIM! DO SOMETHING!" the girl barked.

"Shut up, you! Who are you to tell me what to do, woman?!" Pikario barked back!

The other Pikachu was outraged! "WOMAN?! You DARE disrespect me?!"

"Hey, if you guys are done over there, I'd like to KILL YOU!" So, the Metang, ran... no FLEW over to flatten Pikario!

"If I had half a mind, I'd give you a piece of it!" Pikario threatened.

"That doesn't even make any sense!" the girl spat.

Pikario swung his fists around as a threat, not knowing he hit the charging Metang in the face, defeating him!

**_EXIT BATTLE MODE! WE NEED A FREAKING AUDIENCE!_**

"Well, that was easy..." Pikario mused.

The Metang rubbed his slightly injured nose thing. "Bhuh huh huh huhugh! Oh no! It's laughs to hurt, I mean hurts to laugh! That's really bad! So, um, you there! Guy! Your death time is now!"

_Just then, a whole lot of Beldums appeared and surrounded the 2 Pikachus! There were hundereds, thousands, millions, BILLIONS! So many in fact, that some of them were even falling off the pier because it was so crowded!_

"Ok, guys, now it's time to GIVE HIM THE FINISHMENT PUNISH! ...or something like that... I dunno, just kill him..." the floating Steel thing trailed off.

_Boy, oh boy! Did the Beldums fly! It was, like, raining Iron Balls! Metal, Steel, Iron; IT WAS INSANE! THEY WERE EVERYWHERE! Of course, it didn't really matter much what it was, since everyone was running into each other and killing themselves._

"Holy crap! What a bunch of losers!" the girl Pikachu calmly walked out of the melee, unharmed, with Pikario following. The two went up the stairs and into town, but not before Pikario hit one of the many Beldums on the head just for kicks!

_About an hour later, the assholes finally stopped mutilating each other and came to a complete stop!_

"What the fuck?! Where are the rats?! Did they evaporate underneath our ruthless attacks, or what?!" the Metang wondered. "Johnson, did you see them?!?!"

"Well, yeah," a random Beldum responded, obviuosly Johnson. "they, like, escaped about an hour ago!"

"WHAT?! Why didn't you say something?!"

**"....SO, I LIKE FREE-FOR-ALLS! SUE ME, WHY DON'T YA?!"** Johnson explained.

"Well, crap! This IS NOT something to laugh at!" the Metang concluded!

_

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_

_So, there they were! IN town, or the middle of it, at least. It was actually called Da Middle of Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard. The female Pikachu decided to introduce herself to Pikario!_

"Ok, that was freaky, but um, yeah! The name's Pikella; one chuckle and I swear I'll kill you," she threatened.

"That's no way to talk to someone who accidentally saved your life!" Pikario kinda threatened back.

Pikella scoffed. "Whatever. Anyway, what's that thing?" she pointed to Pikario's map.

"Oh, this?" he asked, holding up the map. "Probably some junk my girlfreind sent me."

"Girlfriend? Aw..." Pikella whined. "I wanna be your girlfriend!"

Pikario sweatdropped. "Sorry, too late! Already caught myself a nice, big Raichu. She's a lot more appealing than you are, lady!"

Pikella glared at Pikario. "...Fine, then. But, lemme see that map."

"Here take it; IT'S JUNK!" Pikario tossed it at her.

Studying it carefully, Pikella realized something! "Wow, this is the map to The Very Old Door Thingy!"

"The Very Old Door Thingy?" Pikario snickered. "Did you make that up? Awesome name!"

"No! That's its real name! The people who made it were very unproductive." she explained.

Pikario crossed his arms. "Still, it's a pretty cool name. Better than something stupid like The Thousand-Year Door, or something."

Pikella gave the map back to Pikario. "That's besides the point. You have the map, so that means you're going to find the legendary treasure!"

"Yeah, the only legendary treasure I need is a nice long hour alone with Peach..."

Pikella frowned. "Wait... Peach? PRINCESS Peach?!"

"Duh." Pikario stuck his tongue out.

"Oh my gosh! You must be Pikario!" Pikella concluded.

"Once again, duh." Pikario stuck his tongue out again.

"Wow. Totally wow." Pikella smiled. "The great Pikario is gonna be my boyfriend!"

Pikario shook his head, smirking. "No, the great Pikario is NOT gonna be your boyfriend."

Pikella gritted her teeth, but faked a smile. "Yeah....sure thing.... heehee...anyway, I should probably follow you around from now on!"

"No way; you're just trying to stalk me. I don't need you!" Pikario claimed.

Pikella smiled. "Fine then, but you don't know your way around this side of the Shroomish Kingdom like I do! You'll end up getting lost and then you'll never find you're precious Princess!"

".....Fine, then," Pikario finally gave in. "But the second we find Peach, you're outta here!"

"Yay! I'm with Pikario!" Pikella bounced up and down.

**_Pikella Became a Part of Pikario's Party! She's His First New Partner! Yay!_**

_**Name:** Pikella_

_**Gender:** Female_

_**Pokemon:** Pikachu_

_**Attitude:** Sassy/Bitchy_

_**Ability:** Tattling and Ratting Out Others_

_**Met At:** Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard!_

_Pikella is very smart and sassy and kind of a bitch sometimes, but you'll get used to it! She know all of the Pokemon, places, things, items, etc., so you could say she just a little busybody or an eavesdropper! Other than telling on people, she can basically do things a normal Pikachu can do; Electrocute and shock things!_

**_And That's All You Basically Know About Your Parnter!_**

"Hey, Master Mario!"

"That can only be Shroomsworth; one of the few idiots around here who doesn't know my name." Pikario sighed in annoyance.

Shroomsworth walked up, of course, looking slightly aggravated. "Mario, the Princess is gone, but I don't feel like keeping up with her ass, so you go and find her!" And with that, he checked in at the local hotel.

"Damn, you Shroomsworth for not keeping up with my woman!" Pikario growled.

Pikella smiled. "Maybe that's a good thing..."

"Shut up! You will help me find her! NOW!"

"Ok, ok, maybe I can ask Professor Franklyidunno where she is. He might've seen her." she mused. "By the way, he looks like this!"

"....." Pikario just looked at her.

"......" Pikella stared back.

".......I don't get it...."

Pikella sighed and walked off, "Just follow me..."

_And the two walked off, passing 2 random Psyducks getting their asses kicked by a pair of Piantas. And they continued to walk entering Da East Side of Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard, running into a random Meowth Bandit, trying to steal coins, but Pikario socked him in the nose, so he wasn't much of a problem. Soon, they came to a house and Pikellaand Pikariowent in, seeing an old, withered Pikachu with glassesburied in thousands of books. Upon seeing Pikella, he perked up._

"Eh? Huh? Who?! WHAZZAT?! THEIVES! RUFFIANS!! SCONDRIELS!!!" he yelled, alarmed.

"Calm down, Prof., it's me, Pikella..."

"I KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND THAT OTHER GUY, TOO! THAT'S PIKARIO! I MAY BE OLD, BUT I AIN'T CRAZY, HEAR?!?!?!" the elder Pikachu exclaimed.

Pikella sweatdropped. "Sure..."

Pikario frowned. "Who's this loon?" he asked, pointing.

The Pikachu adjusted his glasses. "I'M PROF. FRANKLYIDUNNO, I DON'T KNOW WHERE PEACH IS, BUT I KNOW YOU'RE HERE FOR THE VERY OLD DOOR THINGY, SO LET'S GO UNDER THE PIPES!!"

_So, the dysfunctional little old Pikachu went outside, broke a fence and went down a pipe, Pikario and Pikella following in confusion. Once down, the pipes, 3 rouge Pikachus spotted Pikella and started hitting on her!_

"I like the ya move it right thurr!" one of them shouted.

"Hey, baby! Hang with us and we'll show you our plungers!" the other one called.

"Yeah! Heh hee!" the nerdy one added. "And they're brand new! We just got them from Wal-Mart!"

Pikella simply took out her can of mace and sprayed them all, letting the group continue.

_So, after getting lost about 1,357,489,574,389 times, the group found a black key! Then a black box! Then Pikario got cursed with the ability to fly! This scene would be preferably skipped, due to the incorrect usage of the word"cheese". Things got pretty ugly after that. And it would totally make this fic rated XXXXXXXXXXX and X so, um, it was censored and stuff. Anyway, they eventually got to The Very Old Door Thingy!_

Pikella sighed. "Ah, it's so big and mysterious!"

"And stinky! And old!" Pikario added, holding his nose.

"SHUT UP, THE BOTH OF YA!" Franklyidunno commanded. "FOLLOW ME!"

_He walked over to the middle of the room and motioned for Pikario to follow, which he did. Pikario got onto the podium thing and it started to SHINE! And SPARKLE! And FLASH! And TWINKLE LIKE NEVER BEFORE!_

**_WHOOSH!_**

**_SPARKLE! _**

**_GLITTER!_**

**_BLING-BLING!_**

**_SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!_**

Afterwards, Pikella rubbed her head. "What the hell was that?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" Franklyidunno responded.

Pikario looked at the map. "Looks like some freaky castle with a star in it!"

"The Diamond Crystal Star!" Pikella shouted.

"QUICK, TO THE BATCAVE!" Franklyidunno shouted.

**_DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA! BATMAN!_**

_Sorry, wrong reference..._

_Anyway, back at Franklyidunno's place, he explained some stuff to Pikario and Pikella about the evil and dark mysterious power that took that destroyed the town 1,000 years ago, blah, blah, blah, and the Crystal Stars, blah, blah, blah andabout how to fight andabout how to bake some ass-kicking graham crackers! Yum! After giving Pikario a special badge that made him more of an ass-kicker, they set off to the Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers again, looking for their new destination: PeachyKeenburg! After getting lost only about 186 times, Pikario and Pikella made it to a waterlogged part of the Sewers, a long tentacle sticking out of the water._

Pikella looked at the tentacle. "Eww... it looks all squishy. Why don't you hit it with your hammer, or something?"

"Oh, yeah!" Pikario whipped out his hammer, completely not remembering that he had it. He whacked the tentacle with it, causing it to pull back into the water... then a giant Blooper came out! AHHHHHHH!

"Bloopbloopblooooopbloop!" it rampaged.

"What'd it say?" Pikario whispered.

"Hell if I know," Pikella whispered back.

This made the Blooper madder. "BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!"

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! LOOK 3 SQUIRTLES IN THE FRONT ROW!_**

The Blooper hung up side down on the roof of the stage! "Bloopbloopbloopblooooooooooop!" it said!

"Eh..." Pikella got out a book. "'Name is Blooper, it's really a Tentacruel, had long tentacles, sprays you with ink, and makes a great dish of kalamari?' Isn't that octopus?"

"Doesn't matter!" So, Pikario used a Thunderbolt on the thing and killed it instantly! This made the crowd happy, even though someone thorugh a beer bottle on stage!

**_EXIT BATTLE MODE! 5 SQUIRTLES, 2 VICTREEBELS, 6 PIKACHUS, AND A CUBONE! SUPER!_**

_Defeated, the Blooper somehow flew away, like all evil squids do when killed. Pikario and Pikella hopped across the strangely moving platforms in the water and progressed to the Warp Pipe! Thus, ends the Prologue of **"College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!"**_

_12345671234567123456712345671234567 **ENd of ChAPTeR!!! (Kinda)**12345671234567123456712345671234567123456712345671234567_

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_**Authoress's Notes:** Wow, that was wicked and very long! I tried to make it a lot like the real "PM:TTYD", with a little bit of Pikario's humor thrown in, you know, like the F.Y.I. on your partner when you first meet him or her. And the "END OF CHAPTER" thing, even though this was really a Prologue. Like I've said a 1,000 times before, (Heh. 1,000) if you don't know who's who, go to Mario the Great Wobbuffet's profile and she'll tell you, K? K! Now, I'm going to go take a bath now, since I've kinda been meaning to for the past few days, lol. R&R! C ya! BTW, I only own the original Pokemon characters in this fic, like Pikella and not Goombella, and Prof. Frankyidunno, not Prof. Frankly._


	2. 1: Big Ass Castle and Big Ass Salamence!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Yikes. I think this is the quickest I've ever updated something. Wow. Anyway, here's chapter 1 for ya, even though FF calls it number2. Enjoy and feel free to spit on Koops/Squirt if ya like. Lol._

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_**College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!**_

_**Chapter 1:** Big Ass Castle and Big Ass Salamence!_

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_Beautiful fields..._

_Sparkling flowers..._

_Fluttering Butterfree..._

_A Pikachu hacking up chunks of 3-day old hot dog..._

_Wait! What?_

Pikario choked and gurgled in the Warp Pipe, as Pikella stood behind him, annoyed.

"Are you done yet?" she nagged.

Pikario lifted his head. "Yeah...stupid moldly food! DAMN WARP PIPE WITH ALL ITS SWIRLINGNESS!"

Pikella sweatdropped. "C'mon. Let's go to PeachyKeenburg already!"

"Where the hell are we now?" Pikario wondered.

"We're in PeachyKeen Meadows," Pikella answered, looking in a book.

"Just fucking great..." Pikario sarcastically mumbled.

_And so, the two continued on! They faced many dangers, like, uh... FLOWER POISONING! And... getting attacked by random blades of grass! And, of course, THE DIRT WAS AFTER THEM! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! And this made them tired! OH NO! Anyway, after a while, they eventually got to PeachyKeenburg and they were greeted by a cute Koopa who really was a Squirtle! Yay!_

"Welcome to PeachyKeenburg!" he greeted. "I hope you enjoy your stay and if you get eaten by the giant evil Salamence that flies around here, be sure to clean up your own blood! No one likes a messy town!"

Exhausted, Pikario sweatdropped.

"What the...? A giant evil... Salamence?" Pikella asked, panting.

"Does it have the Diamond Crystal Star?" Pikario asked.

"...the fuck? What the hell is a Diamond Crystal Star?" the Koopa wondered.

"Ah, nevermind!" Pikario scoffed, walking into a random house. "This all blows! I'm taking a nap and I'd like to see someone stop me!"

"Wait!" Pikella called after him.

The Koopa shrugged his head. "Damn hippies and their creepy voo-doo magic!"

_Inside the house, Pikario had started to rampage because there was no bed in sight and he was tired! DAMN!_

"Well," lectured Pikella, "that's what you get for busting into people's house unannounced!"

"Shut up, woman! I'm the master and I could make you suck me," he growled.

Pikella made a face. "You know, that had to be the most disturbing thing you've ever said..."

Pikario smiled. "Good, because I'm keeping a list of them!"

"Um...excuse me..." a small voice almost whispered!

Pikario whipped around. "What the fuck do you want? Can't you see I'm scaring someone?" This made Pikella sweatdrop.

_The small voice that almost whispered belonged to a shy Koopa who looked like he'd been beaten on a regularly basis, since he had a bandage between his eyes and something was wrong with one of his eyes! **OH NO!**_

"Do you think... you can... um...please get out of my house, please?" he asked, quietly.

**_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_** Pikario bellowed, scaring the Koopa so much, he hid in his shell! **WHOOPS!**

"Pikario!" Pikella frowned. "That's not nice!"

"Feh..." Pikario spat, leaving.

Pikella went over to the Koopa. "Sorry for that; he's a real ass, I know. What's your name, anyway?"

Coming out of his shell, the Koopa looked around, making sure that Pikario was gone. "Um... m-m-my name? Uh.. it's Squirt..."

Just as soon as Squirt said his name, Pikario ran back in!

"Ho... lee CRAP!" he shouted, scaring Squirt again. "Your name... it's Squirt, right?"

Squirt peeked out of his shell! "Uh huh."

_**"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SQUIRT? HAHAHAHA! OH, MAN! SQUIRT? THTA'S A GOOD ONE FOR THE LADIES TO CALL YA! HAHAHAHAHA!"**_ Pikario was rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off!

"Shut up, Pikario!" Pikella barked, throwing her super-thick Tattle Log thing at the laughing Pikachu!

"OW, DAMN IT!" Pikario scampered away, holding his left eye in pain!

Picking up her Tattle Log, Pikella smiled at Squirt. "See what I mean? Well, I guess I'll see you later, then. Sorry to disturb you." And with, she...um...**LEFT! MWAHAHAHA!**

Squirt blushed. _"What a nice Pikachu..."_

**

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**

_Meanwhile, Pikella had just stepped outside, meeting up with Pikario, who was screaming his head off at a female Koopa who promptly beat the crap out of him!_

"Take **THIS!"**

**"OW!"**

"And **THAT!"**

**"OW!"**

"And **THIS!"**

**"OUCH! DAMN IT, WOMAN! THOSE ARE MY KIDS DOWN THERE!"**

**"I don't care!"** the female Koopa shouted, beating Pikario over the head with her 4,384 lb purse!

_After a while, Pikario couldn't take it anymore and shocked her with a Thunderbolt! Stunning her, he ran away, dragging Pikella with him! Afterwards, Koops came out, sweatdropping at the scene._

"Um..."

"Shut up, Squirt!"

"...but, I didn't even say anything, Koopie Koo..."

Koopie Koo shot daggers at Squirt with her eyes, of course, scaring him once again!

"Um... I'll just go... back in the house... now..." Squirt whimpered, inching back into his house.

* * *

"For the last time; **_WHERE... IS... A... BED?"_** Pikario growled at Kroops. 

"Never!" the delusional mayor shouted. "Never will I let you win! Here, take my money, you cad!" He threw some coins on the floor!

Pikario massaged his head in annoyance.

"Do what you want, ruffians, but don't take the pictures of me and muh wife! She may be a psychopathic bitch, but goddamn it, she's a 'un!" Kroops barked.

"We don't want your stinkin' pictures! We want a bed!" Pikario shouted.

"...and anything you know about the Diamond Crystal Star wouldn't hurt either..." Pikella added.

"AH! HO HO! So, then, you'll be after Bluetail the Salamence; I think she has it jammed up her ass somewhere..." Kroops mused.

Pikario perked up. "Well, it's better than nothing..."

"You'll hafta go ta Shhwonk-Shaka Khan Forest to get...um... stuff!" Kroops said.

Pikella made a face.

"You guys have some serious place-naming issuses to get over..." Pikario pointed out.

_NONETHELESS! Pikario and Pikella set off to Shhwonk-Shaka Khan Fortess to get the...um... STUFF! But then..._

"Um, excuse me..."

Pikario whipped around to see Squirt behind him. He instantly started snickering.

"Hi, Squirt," Pikella smiled. "What's wrong?"

Squirt blushed. "Well, um..."

"What?" Pikario cut in. "Squirt? Do you need to squirt, or something?"

Pikella nudged him sharply in the side.

"Oh, nevermind... it's nothing... forget it..." Squirt mumbled, walking away.

Pikella glared at Pikario.

**"WHAT?"**

"You scared him, that's what!"

"No, I didn't! Look, that guy's a real kook, anyway, so let's just go to Shhwonk-Shaka Khan Fortress already!" Pikario ordered, walking off.

Pikella sighed and followed.

_So, the two went on to Shhwonk-Shaka Khan Fortress, encountering several random Rock type Pokémon along the way, but Pikario threw random POW Blocks at them and they all died! HA! Eventually, they came a to a dead Thwomp! UH OH!_

Pikella inspected the Thwomp. "I think it's dead..."

"No, it's not," Pikario walked up to the Thwomp, taking out his Hammer. "It just needs a wake-up call!"

So, he hit the Thwomp with the Hammer!

**"GAH! NO, MOMMY! DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH BILLY AGAIN! HE'LL HURT MEEEEEEEEEE!"** the Thwomp shouted, alarmed.

"What the hell...?" Pikario scratched his head in confusion.

"Eh? **HUH?** You! How **DARE** you wake **MEEEE?"** the Rock thing shouted.

"Where's the stuff?" Pikella asked, ignoring the threat.

**"BAH!** I'll tell you... If you can beat me in a quiz!"

"Sure!" Pikella grinned. "I'm good at this kind of stuff!"

Pikario sighed a mushroom cloud.

The Thwomp smiled. "Fine, then... _Who Will Be Today's **WEAKEST LINK?'!"**_

Pikario's eyes widened. "Oh, hell, no!"

_Then, the stage of "The Weakest Link" appeared, with the audience, podiums, and 6 other Pokémon as the contestants!_

Thwomp laughed. **"MWAHOHAHAHAHA!** Pathetic worms! You shall all be the Weakest Link! **GOODBYE!"**

Pikario looked around at the other Pokémon; there was a Koopa, a Bristle, a Boo, a Bob-omb, and...

"Chuigi?'! Peasely?'! What the fuck are you two doing here?'!"

Chuigi shrugged. "Hell if I know!"

"Well, I must say! How fun this will be!" Peasley did his trademark shine-thingy, making Chuigi go temperarily blind!

**_"FIRST QUEEEEEEEEEEEEESTIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"_** Thwomp boomed!

_1) What is hidden here?'!_

"Peasely! **DO YOU KNOW?'!"** Thwomp demanded.

"Of course! It is the Star Rod! I win! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Peasley boasted.

_**"WRONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG! MWAHAHAHA!"**_ Thwomp shouted! **_"YOU ARE WEAKEST LINK! GOOOOOOODBYYYYYYYYYYYYYE!"_**

"Ah, well!" Peasley scoffed, leaving.

**"ANYONE ELSE DARE TO TRY?'!"**

Pikella raised her hand! "I know! It's the stuff, right?"

Thwomp spun around! **"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"** he howled!** "CORRECT! GAH! GAME TIME IS OVER!"**

_Poof! Now everything was back to normal!_

**"FINE!"** So, Thwomp dropped the stuff and slid back into thewall!

"Thank god that's over," Pikario sighed.

_Yadda yadda yadda! They took the stuff and went back to PeachyKeen Meadows! But then..._

"Hey! Wait up!"

Pikario turned around to see none other than Squirt! He couldn't help but chuckle!

"What's wrong this time?" Pikella asked, going up to Squirt.

**"OH, PLEASE LEMME GO WITH YOU! PLEASE! PLEASE! PRETTY PLEASE!"**

Pikella jumped in surprise! "Yikes! So loud! And why do you want to come?"

Squirt smiled and blushed. "Sorry... it's just that... Bluetail ate my dad... and I want... revenge!"

"Aw, how sad," Pikella mourned. "Isn't that sad, Pikario?"

**"SQUIRT!" **Pikario spat, snorting with laughter!

Pikella rolled her eyes. "I suppose it's okay, then!

Squirt hopped up and down! **"YAY!"**

Pikella hopped up and down! **"YAY!"**

Pikario rolled around on the floor! **"SQUIRT!"**

_**Squirt Became a Part of Pikario's Party! He's His Second New Partner! Yay!**_

_**Name: **Squirt_

_**Gender: **Male_

_**Pokemon: **Squirtle_

_**Attitude:** Timid/Shy_

_**Ability:** Using His Shell As a Projectile_

_**Met At:**_ _PeachyKeen Meadows_

_Squirt is a very shy, but sweet little Squirtle with a big heart! He can use his shell's hardness to gain Defensive power and hit levers and switches unreachable by anyone else! He can also spin his shell around in one place while Pikario walks around, doing who-knows-what! Pikario can also jump on his shell to hit enemies from a distance to get the upper hand! YAY! He can use Water type attacks like any other Squirtle and is working on using an Ice Beam!_

_**And That's All You Basically Need to Know About Your Parnter!**_

"Well," Pikella started, "now that that's over with, let's go to Bluetail's castle!"

**"HOLD IT!"**

Pikario stopped laughing! **"NOW** what?"

Koopie Koo walked up! "Squirt! You're not doing what I think you are, are you?"

"I dunno, Koopie... What do you think I think I'm doing?"

**"NO! **Your silly riddles won't save you this time! Don't be an ass, Squirt! Come back home to me; your dad's dead and Bluetail will kill you twice as fast!"

"Sorry, Koopie... I gotta do this..."

"No, you don't, damn it! Come home this instant!" Koopie Koo pointed back to PeachyKeenburg.

Squirt backed away. "This is my decision, Koopie..."

**"SQUIRT!"** Koopie marched up to Squirt! OH NO!

Smiling, Pikario whispered in Squirt's...um...ear? "Hey, dude! Say this to her..."

Just before Koopie grabbed Squirt's arm, heshook his fist in anger (like Pikario told him to do, of course)!

**_"LISTEN, WOMAN! I'M THE MAN HERE AND I COULD MAKE YOU SUCK ME!" _**Squirt 'threatened', so loudly in fact, it scared Koopie _and_ Pikella!

"Ok! Ok!" Koopie pouted, leaving. "Fine then! See if I care when Bluetail eats your freaky ass!"

"Pikario!" Pikella scolded.

"WHAT? That's the perfect way to get rid of an unworthy girlfriend, and you know it!" Pikario defended.

* * *

_Now with Squirt in their party, Pikario and Pikella used the stuff to somehow warp to Bluetail's castle! Don't ask how, because no one knows (or cares)!_

Pikario frowned at the big lit-up sign over the door leading into Bluetail's castle. "Oh, you have **GOT** to be joking!"

_Apparently, Bluetail wanted the place to be called "Bluetail's Super Big-Bad-Ass Much Cooler and Better Than Yours Will Ever Be Castle!"_

"Well, at least Bluetail's got taste..." Pikella said.

"Yuck, I hope we don't have good taste to Bluetail..." Squirt feared.

_Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda! The 3 went through the castle, solving puzzles and crap until..._

"What's that?" Squirt asked, pointing to a familiar black box.

"Not again..." Pikella groaned, remembering what happened last time.

"Hey, can you guys lemme out? I have **CANDY! MWHAHAHAHA!"** the box spoke!

**"NOBODY TOUCH IT!"** Pikario demanded, angrily.

Squirt randomly picked up a Black Key and opened the Black Box!

**"YOU ASS! I JUST SAID DON'T TOUCH IT!"** Pikario shouted.

"...but it said it had candy..." Squirt cowered.

**_"MWEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!"_** the box giggled! **_"CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURSE! YOU CAN NOW WALK SIDEWAYS AND SLIP THROUGH CRACKS LIKE THE DUMBASS PAPER CUTOUTS YOU ARE! MWEE HEE HEE HEE HEE! SUCK IT DRY!"_**

Then it spoke no more!

Squirt looked around. "Where's the candy?"

* * *

_Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda! Sometime later, Pikario found a special room! Opening the door, he found..._

"EW!" Pikella screamed. "A rat! Kill it! _Kill it!"_

The Rattata scoffed. "Rat? No, no, darling. I am a Rattata. Besides, are you and your sexy man there not a rodent as well?"

Pikario cocked an eyebrow. "Sexy?"

Squirt looked around worriedly. "She's not talking about me, is she?"

"Pikachus are MICE, not RATS!" Pikella shot back.

"Whatever, hater," the Rattata scurried over to Pikario and spanked him! GASP!

**"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!"** Pikella roared! **"HANDS OFF!"**

"Hmm, your ass tells me that you're looking for the mighty Bluetail, am I correct?" she questioned.

Squirt hid behind Pikella. "Yeah... we are... but how could you tell form doing... that...?"

"Because I am the famous Ms. Rwatt! Ass Fortune Teller Extrodinaire! And a MasterThief on the side." she boasted.

Pikario smirked. "That's the shit!"

"Anywho," Rwatt continued, "you'll need this badge to beat Bluetail!" She gave Pikario a badge of some sort, then kissed him!

"You little **bitch!"** Pikella started to go after her, but Squirt held her back!

"See you later, my hunk of cheesy ass!" Rwatt called out to Pikario, before jumping out a window!

Shocking Squirt with a Thunderbolt, Pikella jumped onto the window's ledge. "Leave Pikario alone! He's **MIIIIIIIIIINE!" **she called after Rwatt.

**

* * *

**

_After all that shit was cleared up, the trio continued on until they got the tallest tower in the castle! Pikella also claimed she saw an eye looking at her through the tower's windows on the walk up the stairs, but Pikario and Squirt just assumed she was still a little kooky from the Ms. Rwatt incedent! Either way, they went in!_

"It's so damn dark in here!" Pikario complained.

"And it stinks!" Pikella added.

**"And Bluetail's, like, standing right there! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"** Squirt realized!

_And lo and behold, Squirt was right! Bluetail was BIIIIIIIG! Well, bigger than normal Salamences, anyway..._

"Who dares disturb me?'!" Bluetail roared loudly, stomping the ground! "My stomach is so very full! I don't have room for anymore! Do you know how many Koopas I just ate?'!"

"Uh...a lot?" Pikario guessed.

**"674!** And now, I wanna take a nap, so out with you!" Bluetail grumbled.

"No! We need to beat you for... uh... something!" Pikario threatened!

"Grr! Damn you superheroes and your stupid publicity stunts!" Bluetail growled.

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! USE TEH FORCE, PIKARIO!_**

"I have had it up to _here_ with you bastards always coming to my castle to 'slay the dragon'! You don't even have any mercy on women!" Bluetail snorted.

"Wait... You're a **GIRL?"** Pikario was shocked!

"Yeah! Can't you tell?'!" Bluetail frowned.

"Um..." Squirt blushed. "well, I'm always hiding from you, so no."

Pikella took out her Tattle Log. "That's Bluetail, and yes, she IS a girl! A big-ass Salamence, she eats a lot and flies around, farting on people...ew..."

"What?'! I'm very gassy!" Bluetail spat.

Pikario held his nose. "I'm with ya on that one..."

Squirt stepped forward. "Well, you ate my dad, and that's not very nice!" He coughed up a weak puff of ice at Bluetail, who just shook it off!

Pikario slapped the back of Squirt's head. "What the hell was that?'!"

"That was supposed to be an Ice Beam, but I kinda messed up..." Squirt blushed.

"Stand aside, bitches!" Pikario threw his Hammer at Bluetail, making a cricket sound! "What the hell...?"

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! CRICKETS! NOOOOOO!** I got poisoned from eating a cricket once!" Bluetail wailed.

"Man, you're such a wuss!" Pikario laughed.

"SILENCE! I shall now renew my strength!" Bluetail announced, leaving the stage.

"Now where's she going? She can't just run away like that!" Pikella wondered.

Just then, Bluetail appeared in the audience, eating most of the Shroomishes!

"Yikes!" Squirt trembled!

"..." Pikella just shook her head.

Pikario laughed! "AWESOME! A fight in the audience!"

So, the 3 jumped into the audience!

"HAH! You can't beat me now, n00bs!" Bluetail taunted.

"This is for my dad!" Squirt came up to Bluetail and used a perfect Ice Beam attack, killing her!

**_EXIT BATTLE MODE! HOW FUN WAS THAT?'!_**

"Gah!" Bluetail flipped over! "Damn you pests! Damn you and your never-ending quest to kill us dragons!"

"Wow!" Squirt beamed. "I did it!"

"But where's the Diamond Crystal Star?" Pikella looked around.

"Gah! Ugh! Bleh!" Bluetail spit out a huge shell and it landed in front of Squirt, scaring him!

"Ahh! A demon!" Squirt squealed, hiding in his own shell!

Slowly, a Blastoise emerged from the large shell and looked around!

"Who the hell's that?" Pikario asked Pikella.

"Dunno," she looked through her Tattle Log. "He's not in here..."

**"MWAHAHAHAHA!"** the Blastoise laughed! "Ah, it's great to be out again! I feel like a new man... turtle! **MWAHAHAHA!"**

Squirt reluctantly came out of his shell and gasped at the Blastoise! "DAD?'!"

"Eh? Squirt? Ah, you've grown on me, son! **THAT'S THE WAY!"** he playfully punched Squirt in the face, knocking him over!

"OW!" Squirt yelped, holding his nose. "I love you, too, Dad!"

"Aw!" Pikella swooned. "That's so sweet! Squirt found his daddy!"

Pikario made a peace sign. "Kudos to you, good sir!"

Pikella sighed. "Ah, well. We didn't find the Diamond Crystal Star, but at least we made little Squirt happy."

"Oh, yeah!" Squirt's dad took a big shiny STAR out of his shell! "Is this whatcha want?"

"The Diamond Crystal Star!" Pikella gasped. "How'd you get it?"

"Well, when I first fought Bluetail, I was a wimpy little Squirtle and she totally pwned my ass! **HAHA!** She ate me and I've been living her gut for 10 years! I found this thing and I was going to choke her with it, but it didn't work!" Squirt's dad explained.

"So, everyone is happy! And Squirt can go back home, right?" Pikella asked.

"Nope! I'm staying with you guys so I can become more powerful, like my dad!" Squirt smiled.

"Now, I'll get the star thingy," Pikario sighed, walking over to the Diamond Crystal Star.

**_TAAAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Pikario got the Diamond Crystal Star! His Star Power is Now 2! He Can Use the Attack "Earth Tremor"! YAY!_**

_**1234567123456712345671234567EnD oF ChApTEr!12345671234567123456712345671234567** _

**

* * *

**

After handing Bluetail her own ass to herself, Pikario and friends left her castle with Squirt a new Squirtle, finding his dad! Unfortunately, they still don't know where Peach is! Oh, well! We'll see if they can find her... NEXT CHAPTER! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Peach's Event!**

Elsewhere, in the land of else, Peach was escorted to the great and almighty Grodius by a pair of X-Nauts!

"MWAHAHAHAHA! Oh! I mean, GACK ACK ACK ACK!" Grodius laughed, coughing violently afterwards!

"Hey, dude!" an X-Naut called out. "We, like, found the princess for you and stuff!"

"X-CELLENT! You! Tell me; where are the Crystal Stars?'!" Grodius asked.

Peach sighed. "How the hell should I know?'! I don't even have the map!"

Grodius sweatdropped. "Well, then... **SHUT UP! MWAHAHAHA! GACK ACK ACK!"** Lightning flashed in the background!

"Oh, boy," Peach mumbled. "Not another evil bad guy trying to take over the world..."

"Hey! You're not supposed to know that until LATER!" Grodius noticed! "That's it, young lady! GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

"Whatever..." So Peach left with the X-Nauts!

Just then, an X-Naut came on the computer screen! "Dude! I mean, Sir! I mean..."

Grodius shook his fist. "SHUT UP! Whaddya want?"

"Well, this guy named Pikario just got the Crystal Star that Bluetail had!" the X-Naut reported.

"Then get your sorry, little ass over to the Great Googly Woods and find the other one before I kill you!" Grodius threatened.

"EEP!" the X-Naut sqeuaked, signing off!

Grodius was now really pissed off! **"SHADOW SIRENSSSSSSSSSS!"**

Out of the floor, Beldam, Marilyn, and Vivian rose up!

"Mwee hee hee hee..." Beldam snorted. "You called?"

"Yes! Go out and kill this guy named Pikario!" Grodius shouted, giving them a randomly made picture of their target!

"Yes, we shall!" Beldam assured, snorting! "We ain't lettin' ya down!"

**"GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!"** Marilyn screamed, for some reason!

"PINEAPPLES!" Vivian also shouted, for no apparent reason!

Beldam slapped Vivian. "Shut up! When we get home, I'llmake you suck me... **AGAIN!"**

"Aw..." Vivian pouted. "That's no fun!"

Marilyn smiled. "GUH!"

"And now... WE BE OFF!" Beldam announced, disappearing into the dark with her younger sisters!

Grodius shook his head. "Damn Shadow Sirens..."

* * *

**_Bowser's Event!_**

Meanwhile, back in the Shroomish Kingdom, Bowser walked into his castle!

"Hello, almighty King Bowser!" a Koopatrol greeted.

"Silence!" Bowser roared, stomping down to the other end of the throne room. "And where the hell is Kammy when you need her?'!"

About that time, the Koopatrols let an exhausted Kammy in!

"Eh... ugh... bleh... gah..." she panted, walking up to Bowser. "Sorry.. for the wait... Bowser... I ain't young like... I used ta be..."

Bowser scoffed. "Could've fooled me," he replied, sarcastically.

"Anyway, Bowser!" Kammy started. "Did you know that Pikario left to go to some unknown place? Huh?"

"Unless it involved him getting his balls ripped off or him falling into a pit of lava, I don't give a damn," Bowser grunted.

"Well, it seems that someone _else_ took Princess Peach and is holding her captive!" Kammy continued.

Bowser was outraged! **"WHAT?'! NO ONE STEALS HER FOR A FUTILE REASON!** ...Except for me!"

Kammy flailed her arms. "I know, my lord! It's a shame, really..."

"Anything else?"

"There's also some crap running around about some Crystal Stars...?" Kammy mumbled.

**"CRYSTAL STARS?'!** Aw, I want them! They sound pretty... **AND POWERFUL! MWAHAHAHA!"** Bowser whined. "That's it! I don't know what the hell Pikario thinks he's doing, but I'm putting my foot **DOWN!"**

So, the giant evil turtle walked off, only to return in his freaky Clown Car thing!

**"MWAHAHAHA!** This time, Pikario's gonna feel my wrath once and for **ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL! MWAHAHAHA!** Bowser laughed, crashing through the wall and flying away!

Kammy followed on her broom! "Lord Bowser, wait! This hunka junk can't keep up with your super fastness that great kings have!"

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** Wow. I think this is probably the longest chapter I've ever written, lol! Anyway, that's it and except Chapter 2 to come very soon, as well as other updates! BTW, in case you were wondering why I made such an insignificant change to Grodus' name, it's because I really thought his name was "Grodius" until Chpater 5, when I got a really good look at it! I like the way it sounds, so I just left it that way. Also, yes Hooktail **is** a girl, especially since Gloomtail said "My precious little sister" in the game. One last thing, for some reason, the stupid QuickEdit won't let me put "?" and "!" together, so I had to make it look like this"?'!" for more effect. __Bleh. Hope ya liked it!_


	3. 2: The Great Googly Woods!

_**Authoress' Notes: HEY, GUESS WHAT?'! **Saturday was **"Pikario and Chuigi: Poké Star Saga"**'s FIRST birthday! Believe it or not, it's the first of my stories to ever stay up here for an entire year! I know it may sound kinda stupid, but it's true. Most of my earlier stories were deleted, sadly... But that's in the past! The future is now and so is this stuff. On behalf of all the reviewers, I thank you. The great parody would've never been continued if it weren't for you. Anyway, enough of this and onto Chapter 2._

_

* * *

_

**_College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!_**

_**Chapter 2:** The Great Googly Woods!_

_

* * *

_

_And now for something completely and totally different! ...well, not really..._

_Pikario, Pikella, and Squirt stood talking to Squirtley, Squirt's dad! Of course, Pikario found himself snorting with laughter everytime he heard it!_

"Well, Squirt," Squirtley spoke. "I'm very proud of you! I always thought you were a wimp and a total loser, but you proved me wrong! **MWAHAHAHAHA!"**

Squirt blushed. "Aw, Dad..."

Koopie Koo scoffed, irritated. "I have nothing to say to you, Squirt; apparently if I do, you'll make me 'suck you'..."

Squirtley did a double take! "Son, way to go! That's the first obscene thing you've ever said!"

Squirt sweatdropped, as Pikario nudged him playfully. "Uh, thank you?"

Squirtley grinned crazily! "I know that Pikario and Pikella will teach you great things, so I wish you luck on your journey! **MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

**

_And then, after that strange and misleading departure, Pikario, Pikella, and Squirt went back to_ _Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers!_

Pikario walked along with the Diamond Crystal Star, looking at it in awe! "I wonder how much this thing'll go for..."

Pikella snatched away the Star. "Pikario!"

**"WHAT?"**

Squirt sweatdropped.

"Anyway," Pikella said, "we need to get this thing to the Very Old Door Thingy!"

Pikario scratched his head. "Why?"

_"Because that's what the map says to do, damn it! Don't you know anything?'!" _Pikella roared, bonking Pikario on the head with the Star-shaped object!

**"OW, DAMN IT!"**

**

* * *

**_Ok, ok, ok! Everybody finally got themselves together and then they got lost in_ _Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers about 4,823 times! FINALLY, they fund the Very Old Door Thingy! Whoop-dee-damn-doo._

Pikario walked over the Very Old Door Thingy with the Diamond Crystal Star, while Squirt looked on in confusion!

"What's he doing?" he asked Pikella.

"Well..." Pikella started.

**_"NOOOO!" _**Pikario quickly took out a remote control and pushed the Fast Forward button, fast forwarding Pikella's long and boring speech! About 30 seconds later, he pushed the Play button!

"...and then I said, 'Hell, no! We're of out viagra!'" Pikella concluded.

"..." Squirt hid in his shell!

Regardless of what Pikella had said, Pikario held up the Diamond Crystal Star!

**_WHOOSH!_**

**_SPARKLE! _**

**_GLITTER!_**

**_BLING-BLING!_**

**_SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!_**

The map thingy recorded the next location of the next Star! Pikario looked at the map, as Pikella and Squirt peeked at it with him.

"Hmm, so that's where it is..." Pikella murmured.

Squirt was confused! "Where what is?"

* * *

_So, sometime later, everybody regrouped back at Professor Franklyidunno's house to show him the map and the Diamond Crystal Star!_

**"AH HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"** the Pikachu shouted.

Pikella smiled. "What, Professor? Did you figure out what this map means?"

**"NO!** I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance! **MWAHAHAHA!"**

Squirt looked on in confusion, wide-eyed!

Franklyidunno continued. "Well, actually, I did! The damn thing's called the Emerald Crystal Star and it's in the Great Googly Woods, so go there and get it already, damn it!"

And with that, he pushed them out the door and they landed on thier faces in the cold, hard dirt!

Pikario dusted himself off. "Bastard..."

Squirt coughed up some dirt. "Hey, maybe we should... um... take a rest or... something... After all that fighting with Bluetail, and such..."

Pikella swung her ponytail around, knocking dirt off it! "Good idea..."

"Pikario, what the hell are you doing?"

Pikario looked up. "What the fuck?'! Chuigi?"

Chuigi scowled. "What?"

Pikario grabbed his younger brother and shook him. "Didn't I tell you to stay at the house?'! Why are you here?"

Chuigi freed himself and slapped Pikario. "**SHUT UP!** Bitch, after you left, Parakarry gave me another letter and it said for **YOU** to go and save some whore from the Pieceashit Kingdom! So, I had to go and do it for you!"

Pikario kicked Chuigi in the head. **"THAT DIDN'T ANWSER MY QUESTION!"**

Pikella pulled Chuigi away. "Be nice! Don't kick little babies!"

Chuigi frowned at Pikella. "What the hell? I'm not a baby!"

Pikario walked away. "Yeah, that's my stupid little brother, Chuigi."

Pikella smiled. "Aw, didn't know you had a little brother! How cute! You know, he has your eyes."

Chuigi followed Pikario. "As far as I'm concerned, that's not a compliment. Anyway, Pikario, I went to the Pieceashit Kingdom and some guy said I had to get the seven compass pieces, or something."

"..." Pikario glared at Chuigi.

"And if I do, I'm gonna get laid by Princess Eclair! Plus, I think her name might be a stripper's!" Chuigi bounced up and down.

Pikella sweatdropped. "I take back my comment; that's so not cute."

Squirt hid in a corner. "You all scare me..."

* * *

_Sweet! Chuigi's here, on his own little quest to get laid! How cute and scary at the same time! Anyway, the trio went to the nearby hotel to take a rest like Squirt had suggested earlier!_

After skipping the hotel fee by pretending he was drunk, Pikario got into his bed, while Squirt got into another one on the opposite side of the room. Shroomsworth walked up.

"Master Mario! I demand that you get up this very instant and go look for the Princess! For all we know, she could be getting raped, or something!"

Pikario turned over in his bed. "Not my problem. Besides, _you_ lost her..."

Shroomsworth rolled his eyes. "For the last time, she went off on her own!"

"Like you couldn't stop her or something!" Pikario shouted, sitting straight up in his bed.

Pikella stepped forward. "Um, Pikario? Where am I going to sleep? There's only two beds."

Pikario mused. "Hmm, let's see; 3 people + 2 beds, equals **SOMEONE SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR!"**

Pikella's mouth dropped open! "What? Pikario, I'm a lady! I deserve better!"

Pikario turned away. "Then sleep with Squirt."

"Ew, do know how nasty that sounds?" Pikella grimaced.

"Master Mario! I say let the lady sleep in your bed with you!" Shroomsworth demanded!

"No way in hell! That's what she wants!" Pikario shouted.

Shroomsworth smiled. "Then I guess I can make you pay the fee, then, since you're not really 'drunk'..."

Annoyed, Pikario moved over and made room for Pikella. "Fine, but don't try _anything!"_

"Whatever," Pikella got in and turned away from Pikario.

Seeing this, Pikario faced the window. "Nice try, but I'm jamming _anything_ up your ass!"

Pikella said nothing...

* * *

_Do do doo do doo doooooooooooo! The next day everybody was all refreshed and ready to go! Yay for them! The only problem was that they didn't knowwhere to find theGreat Googly Woods! Pikario, Pikella, and Squirt went back to_ _Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers to see if they could find any clues!_

Pikario looked around. "There's nothing down here! I already checked!"

"Then check again!" Pikella demanded!

Squirt was about to say something, when he saw a Chinchou! The Chinchou saw him and ran away thorugh a crack in the wall!

"What the fuck was that?" Pikario wondered, also seeing the Chinchou!

Everybody turned into skinny sheets of paper and went through the bars to the other side! The Chinchou saw this and ran into a corner of the room!

The Chinchou pointed at Pikario!" Do what you must, but I'll never tell you where the Great Googly Woods are, even though there's a pipe over there that will take you there... _DAMN IT!"_

"Well, that was easy," Pikella said to Squirt.

"No, please, X-Nauts! Don't go! I have family there!" the Chinchou pleaded.

Pikario scoffed. "We're not X-Nauts, we're...somebody else!"

The Chinchou was confused. "...Did I ever tell you my name was Chinio?"

Pikario frowned. "No..."

"Well," Pikella chimed in, "maybe we can help you guys if you tell us where the Geart Googly Woods are."

"**NEVERRRRRRRRRRRR**RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrr... Okay!" Chinio smiled.

_So, Chinio went over... somewhere, and... uh, pushed a button, then Pikario and company went over tothe a pipe, then they went down the pipe! **MWAHAHAHAHA!**_

**_

* * *

_**

_Meanwhile! The Shadow Sirens laughed all crazily! Well, at least Beldam did..._

"Mwee hee hee hee hee!" Beldam laughed, like I just said! "Now that we have Pikario's **EVIL PICTURE OF DOOM**, we shall kill him... and, uh, drink his blood! Then, we will..."

**"GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"** Marilyn suggested!

**"EXACTLY! MWAHAHAHAHA!"** Beldam laughed again!

Vivian giggled. "Tee hee... aw, I wuvules this necklace so muchie!"

Beldam slapped her! "Damn it, Vivian! No matter what you do, you will always be bisexual! Now, put your sorry ass to work and get out Pikario's **EVIL PICTURE OF DOOM,** so we can kill him!"

"Tee hee!" Vivian giggled, flashing her necklace. "But Sis, you had it last!"

Beldum snapped! **"WHAT THE HELL? I GAVE IT TO YOU!"**

Vivian looked down. "But... but... but... Sis...be nice..."

"You are, like, so punished when we get home! Actually, it starts right now!" So, Beldam took her necklace!

Vivian got sad! _"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..."_

Then she started crying! Poor Vivian! She's so cute!

_About that time, Pikario, Pikella, Squirt, and Chinio showed up!_

Pikario looked at Chinio. "Who are these freaks?"

Chinio avoided eye contact with the Shadow Sirens. "Dunno. Just ignore them and maybe they'll go away..."

_So, everyone kept on going while Vivian cried, Beldam cursed her out, and Marilyn made a white flower necklace for herself to wear!_

_

* * *

_

_After a while, Chinio lead everyone to the Great Tree Thingy where he and his friends lived! Yay for them!_

Chinio walked up to the Great Tree Thingy, only to be blocked by a strange door with a red light on it!** UH OH!**

"What the...? This door wasn't here a moment ago!" Chinio pointed out.

"Oh, well," Pikario turned to leave. "the Emerald Crystal Star is probably not even in Great Googly Woods!"

Chinio realized something! "Wait! The secret entrance!"

But that was blocked by a thingy! **HOLY CRAP! GOD, HAVE MERCY ON OUR SOULS!**

"I can't move the thingy!" Chinio wailed!

Pikario backed away. "Watch how you use that word; if you're talkingabout**MY** thingy, that is..."

Pikella moved away from Pikario. "Ewwww."

Chinio stopped crying and started to leave. "Well, we'll have to get Madame Flurrie to find it!"

"Who?" Squirt asked.

"Just follow me and you'll see!" Chinio chirped, leaving.

Pikario rolled his eyes. "That's what you said_ last_ time!"

* * *

_Meanwhile!_

"Oh, yes! Yes! YES! **YES!** **_YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"_** Someone squealed! "How I love myself so!"

_You sick and dirty people, what'd you think she was doing, HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH?_

**

* * *

**

_SODEHFOIGTRUHJITONFOISD! Chinio lead the group until they got to a strange house in the distance!_

"Hey, Flurrie!" Chinio call upon arriving. "Can you help me blow away my thingy?"

"Oh, yes! Yes! YES! **YES!** **_YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"_**

Pikella sweatdropped. "Well, that was easy..."

Pikario smirked. "Heh. I know my 'yes's and my 'no's and those 'yes's were of pleasure, not agreement!"

Squirt gasped! **"OH, MY GOSH!"**

Chinio frowned. _"Ewwww!"_

"And now, the grand finale!" Flurrie sang in her room. She picked up a pair of her earrings and put them on, then smiled at herself in the mirror! "Oh, yes! Yes! YES! **YES!** **_YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"_**

_**"Make it stop! Make it stop! I'm not ready for love!"**_ Squirt bawled, holding his head!

Pikario grinned. "Having fun, huh? I envy you so much!"

"Tra la la la la la la!" Flurrie sang, dancing in the mirror! "I'm sooooo prettyful! Now, all I need is...** WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? MY... MY... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

"Uh, now_ that_ was a 'no' of 'Oh, my god! Please kill me because I've lost something very important and I can't go on in life!' "Pikario stated.

"Flurrie, what's wrong?" Chinio reluctantly asked!

"Huh? Chinio! Oh, my! Please help me!" Flurrie pleaded.

Chinio backed away from the door in a hurry! "But... uh... help you? Um... aren't you in there with someone...?"

"Bah!" Flurrie huffed. "No one enters my quarters but me! Stop talking such nonsense!"

"Then were you masturbating?" Pikario asked, smiling.

**_"OH, MY! SUCH NASTINESS! YOU, SIR ARE VERY PREVERTED!"_** Flurrie boomed. "I was simply celebrating my beauty, you little ruffian! But I've lost my necklace, and I shan't be seen until I find it!"

"But will you help us move the thingy?" Chinio asked.

"Well..."

"Well, what? Spit it out!" Pikario demanded.

"If you can get me my necklace back, I shall appear and stun you with my beauty!" Flurrie called.

Pikario shook his head. "Feh. I'd rather eat Chinio..."

Pikella pushed him away. "Shut up, Pikario! Don't worry, Madame Flurrie, we'll get your necklace for you!"

"Oh, my stars! What brave souls!" Flurrie spoke, then she fell silent for some reason!

* * *

_Meanwhile, **again!**_

"See, Beldam! I told you I didn't have it!" Vivian pouted, only to be slapped by Beldam again!

"Shut up! Now, let's see..."

She looked at the **PICTURE OF DOOM** only to realize that the Pikachu she saw earlier was Pikario! **"VIVIAN!"**

"Yes...?"

Beldam slapped her! "Damn it! You let Pikario get away! When we get home, you're dead meat!"

Vivian sniffled. "Yes, Sis..."

Marilyn prompty fell out of a tree! **"GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!"**

_Then, Pikario and the others showed up and saw that Beldam had Flurrie's necklace!_

"Hey, you," Squirt gently called! "Can we, um... please have that necklace, pretty please, ma'am?"

Beldam threw Marilyn's flower necklace at him! **"NO!"**

Pikario yanked it from her! **"SWIPE!"**

"Hey!" Beldam barked! "Do you know who we are?'!"

Squirt wondered. "The Ghostbusters?"

Beldam frowned! **"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WE ARE..."**

"Guh!" Marilyn held up a sign that said, '...the three...'!

And Vivian finished with _"...Shadow Beauties! Yay!"_

Pikario laughed. "Man, what a gay-ass name..."

Beldam slapped her sister! "Vivian, you ass! We're Shadow Sirens! _Shadow Sirens!"_

Vivian lowered her head. "I'm sorry..."

Beldam turned away. "When we get home, your ass is toast! Now... **BATTLE!"**

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! LOOK, SHROOMSHES! YAY!_**

"Vivian," Beldam warned. "if we lose, it's automatically your fault!"

"Okay..." Vivian whimpered.

"Anyway," Beldam said to Pikario, "quake in fear at our **THREE DIFFERENT COLORED HATS! MWAHAHAHAHA! RED, YELLOW, AND BLUE ARE PRIMARY COLORS! YOU'LL NEVER WIN!"**

Vivian faced Beldam. "Well, Sis, my hat's not really red. It's more of a..."

Again, Beldam slapped her! **"SHUT UP!"**

Pikella used Tattle! "Vivian, Marilyn... and Beldam? Yikes, who named her? I mean, Vivian and Marilyn are pretty names, but what happened with Beldam? Well, they're ghosts and can freeze, burn, and shock stuff. _Whoop dee doo..."_

Look, someone threw a Volt Shroom at Pikario! W00t!

So, using the Volt Shroom, Pikario and Pikella killed the Shadows in one hit!

**_EXIT BATTLE MODE! THANKS, RANDOM SHROOMISH!_**

"Meh!" Beldam spat. "Like I said, Vivian, this is all your fault! You could've easily caught that Volt Shroom!"

Vivian mourned. "I'm so ashamed..."

"Good, because when we get home, your ass is grass and I'm the lawnmower!" Beldam shouted, running away with Marilyn!

Vivian started to follow, but tripped and dropped the necklace! She started to get it, but turned and kept running... floating!

* * *

_Blah, blah, blah! Everyone took the necklace and gave it to Flurrie under her door!_

**"Oh YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"** she rejoiced.

Squirt rubbed his head. "Not again..."

"She must be a hot bitch," Pikario imagined!

_Just then, a... pink disco ball descended from the ceiling? What the fuck? It made everything all pink and sparkly, though. Then... da da DA DUMMM! Flurrie came out, in all her pink, rosy glory! Pikario was very disappointed._

"Holy crap!" he grunted, angrily!

"Ah, is that mister my savior?" Flurrie asked, puckering her lips!

"Touch me and die," Pikario growled.

"Here I come, darling!" With that, Flurrie ran over to Squirt and kissed him!

Pikario sighed. "Whew..."

"Personally, if you need me for such a task, I shall stay with your group, for I yearn to travel ever since I left the stage!" Flurrie said.

"Sure, becuase we really need someone who can really blow people away!" Pikella joked.

"That is so gay..." Pikario shook his head!

_**Flurrie Became a Part of Pikario's Party! She's His Third New Partner! Yay!**_

_**Name: **Flurrie_

_**Gender: **Female_

_**Pokemon: **Jynx_

_**Attitude:** Jolly/Dainty_

_**Ability:** Blowing Stuff Away! W00t!_

_**Met At:**_ _The Great Googly Woods_

_Flurrie is a big, pretty (Kinda...) Jynx who can blow stuff away with her Icy Wind, which isn't saying much, because everything is supposed to be made out of paper! But still! Flurrie can Body Slam enemies with her 350 lb. ass and flatten them out! Her Lovely Kiss of **DOOM **is **DEADLY** and can... um... kill people and... uh... make children cry! Yeah, that sounds good..._

**_And That's All You Basically Need to Know About Your Parnter!_****_

* * *

_**

_So, with Flurrie in their group, Pikario and friends went to the Great Tree Thingy and she blew away the thingy and Chinio got in, let everyone in, blah blah blah!_

"What the fuck?" Chinio frowned. "There's only like 10 of you guys!"

Chiniper came up! "That's because while your sorry ass was gone, we were captured by theX-Nauts and so was Chituni! **MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

Chinio threw back his head! **"NOOOOOOOOO**OOOOOOOooooooo... did they take my Game Boy?"

Chiniper sweatdropped. "Yeah, they took that, too..."

**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THAT'S IT! CHINCHOUS! CHARGE!"**

**_OF TEH BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMING STUFFIT WAS!_** _The Chinchous killed all the X-Nauts up until they found the Elder and the other Chinchous!_

The Elder sweatdropped. "What the shit?'! All this ruckus!"

"Um, you sweared kinda wrong," Chinio corrected.

"Aw, damn it to the fucking shit!" the Elder rampaged!

"Hey, Chinio!" Chituni called. "You need the key!"

"We need the key!" Chinio shouted to the other Chinchous!

Then, Ms. Rwatt appeared!

"Here's the key, sugar!" she gave Pikario the key, slapped his ass, then ran away! **MWAHAHAHA!**

"I'll get her one day..." Pikella growled.

* * *

_So the Elder and the Chinchous **AND Chituni** were freed! Then they ran around, creating **HAVOC**... and **CONFUSION**... and **FLAMING CHEESE HOT DOOOOOOOOOOOGS!** Pikario also learned how to Ground Pound, **NOT** Spring Jump, damn it, cause that's the wrong name! Blah, blah, blah! Then..._

Chinio jumped up! **"AH HA!** The Jabbies! They attack! Let us **_KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"_**

_The Chinchous got their asses kicked!_

Chinio sweatdropped._ **"SECOND TIME'S THE CHARM!"**_

_The Chinchous got their asses kicked!_

Chinio was pissed! "Okay, new strategy! Let's get Pikario to kill them!"

Pikario scoffed. "How about no?"

Chinio looked around. "Then... Flurrie will do it! **MWAHAHAHA!"**

Flurrie primped her hair. "Whatever, my dear!"

_So, Flurrie blew away the Jabbies and stuff, totally pwning their asses! W00t! Then, a whole bunch of shit happened and stuff! Finally... **Crump attacked!**_

"Bleh heh heh heh!" he laughed. "I've caught all you guys and I'm gonna find the Star before you do!"

"Oh no, we're trapped," Flurrie said, sarcastically.

"Yes! Fear my paper, metal bars, fools! You can't get out, even if you get skinny and slip through these unusually large cracks in the bars!" Crump shouted.

Pikario sweatdropped. "Yeah, never in a million years..."

**"YES! MWAHAHAHA! **Now, I shall leave, because that's what the bad guys do... so the good guys can get out... **WHICH YOU WON'T!" **Crump left laughing!

_Of course, everybody got skinny and escaped! **GASP! **

* * *

_

_Sometime later..._

Pikario walked into a strange room. "Look!" He pointed at a Chinchou statue! "The EmeraldCrystalStar!"

"Yay..." Pikella grumbled, looking queasy.

Just then, Crump ran... floated in, knocking Squirt over! He took the Emerald Crystal Star!

"I don't care how you got out, but this Star is mine! Plus, I have this cool... thingy that will blow up the Tree!" Crump pushed a button, setting the thingy to blow up in... _**3 SECONDS!**_

Pikario freaked out! "Shit!"

**"3 SECONDS?'!** What the fuck? That's not enough time for me to fleeeeeeeee!" Crump whined, going up a pipe!

"Don't let him get away! He still has my Game Boy!" Chinio shouted!

_So, everybody followed Crump, pwning any X-Nauts' ass that dare mess with them, cause you never, **EVER **take away a Chinchou's Game Boy! They finally found Crump, arguing with the Elder!_

"You old, wrinkled up bitch!" Crump shouted. "Move it! The thingy won't tell me how much time I have left before it goes off! It's freaking counting _**forwards!"**_ He held up the thingy, which was going on 10 minutes!

**"SHUT UP!"** the Elder bellowed! "You're not leaving until you give Chinio his Game Boy back! Do you know how much that thing cost?'!"

Crump frowned. "He should have a DS by now! Stop living in the past!"

"Hey!" Pikario called out!

"Aw shit!" So, Crump pulled out an X... thing and it turned into a robot! ...**A _PINK_ ROBOT! HOLY CRAP!**

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! PINK ROBOT!_**

Pikella used Tattle! "That's... ugh... Magnus von... Grapple... big, pink robot... thing...ooh..."

Pikaio flicked her ear! "What the hell's wrong with you?"

Pikella hugged her stomach and grimaced. "I'm not feeling... very good..."

Pikario threw his arms up! "Well, shit! That's just great! Now we don't know how to beat him!"

Flurrie took Pikella's place! "I shall cover for darling Pikella!"

Crump laughed! "Oh, hell yeah! Magnus von Grapple shall kill you... and **STUFF! MWAHAHA!"**

"What's this guy's problem? Why is everything so damn funny?" Pikario wondered.

"I shall silence this ruffian!" Flurrie used a Body Slam on the giant pink robot and squished him!

Crump got mad! "Hey! Fat bitch! What the hell?'! This thing is brand new!"

MVG stepped on Flurrie, squishing her!

Pikario used Thunderbolt! It didn't work!

"Look! Look!" Crump called, pushing some buttons!

MVG's hands came off! And they blew up in Flurrie's face, killing her! **OH NOOOOO!**

Squirt hid in his shell! "Don't make me fight!"

Pikario shook Pikella. "Quick do something! Throw your book at him!"

Pikella clutched her stomach. "Oh... I feel sick..."

Pikario shoved Pikella onto MVG! **"DO SOMETHING! WE'RE LOSING!"**

Pikella gulped. "I think... I need to..."

"Piss?" Crump finished. "Yes, Magnus von Grapple should make you piss... **THE PISS OF FEAR!"**

Just as Pikella got up to MVG's feet, she promptly vomited on him, defeating the robot!

**_EXIT BATTLE MODE! SOMEONE CLEAN THAT UP!_**

MVG exploded and Crump, along with some random X-Nauts who just happened to be standing nearby, were blown away! Good thing they left the Emerald Crystal Star and Chinio's Game Boy behind!

Pikario slapped Pikella on the back! "Sweet job with the vomit! I'd have to get drunk to do that!"

"Bleh..." Pikella grumbled.

"Hey, guys! I got my Game Boy back, so you can have this thing!" Chinio handed the Emerald Crystal Star to Pikario!

**_TAAAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Pikario got the Emerald Crystal Star! His Star Power is Now 3! He Can Use the Attack "Clock Out"! YAY!_**

_1234567123456712345671234567**EnD oF ChApTEr!**1234567123456712345671234567_

_

* * *

_

_Once again, Pikario saves the day by kick some bad guy's ass and stuff! The Chinchous were all happy, especially Chinio, who got his Game Boy back! YAY! The Emerald Crystal Star was with Pikario and so was a new bitch... I mean, friend! But Pikella has fallen ill for some reason! What the hell could be wrong with her...?_

**_Peach's Event!_**

Peach sat in her room and sighed.

"Oh, poo! Not this again! Why am I always getting caught by evil bad guys who want to take over the world? **WHY? _WHHHHHHHHY?'!"_**

"Shut up!" an X-Naut roared, banging on her door!

"Well, I guess I should clean up, then... I kinda stink..." Peach figured.

_So, she went into the next room and took a shower! Little did she know that someone was watching! After she was done, she went back into the main room and squirted perfume all over the place!_

"Ah! Now I smell all nice!" she chirped happily!

Just then, the main doors opened!

"Oh, wow! How fun!" Peach skipped through and ended up in the computer's room!

**"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **Hello, Princess Peach!"

"Who the hell are you?" Peach demanded!

"I am TEC-XX, short for Teh Eveel Cumpewtr-X-Naut X-sellint! **MWAHAHA! **But you can call me TEC..."

"Wow, I've never met an evil computer before!" Peach said, in awe.

"Yes, well, I'm currently trying to take over Neptune with brute force!" TEC gloated.

Peach shrugged. "Well, better than trying to take over Earth..."

"Anyway, I'm bored! Dance with me!" TEC made a Peach clone! **Gasp?**

"Meh, whatever," Peach agreed.

_So, Peach danced the night away with her clone, doing the Moonwalk, the Electric Slide, the Cha-Cha Slide, the Two-Step, and a whole shitload of other dances I don't feel like naming!_

Peach wiped the sweat off her crown! "Whew! What a workout!"

"MWAHAHAHA! Yes, now back to your room before somebody comes in here!" TEC instructed!

"Okay!" So, Peach skipped back to her room!

"Good night, my sexy little slice of pizza..." TEC whispered.

* * *

**_Bowser's Event!_**

Bowser walked up in the PeachyKeen Meadows!

"MWAHAHAHA! The Princess should be nearby!" he said.

_So, Bowser somehow tapped into the power of the Super Mario Bros. and completed the first level with 84,390,483 time left! Then he came back to reality and arrived at PeachyKeenburg!_

"Now," Bowser looked around. "Where the hell is Peach?"

"There! The wall!" Kammy pointed to a poster of Peach on a Koopa's house!

Bowser stepped on her head! "Kammy! What's with you? That's a POSTER! Do you think I'm an idiot?"

"No, my lord..." Kammy grunted, under Bowser's foot.

_Aw, poor Bowser! Better luck next time at doing whatever the hellhe's doing!

* * *

Meanwhile... _

Pikario, Flurrie, and Squirt sat around the Great Tree Thingy, waiting for the Chinchou doctor to finish examining Pikella! Why the Chinchous would have a doctor, is what **I** wanna know!

Meanwhile... Meanwhile... 

Pikario stood up. "Well?"

"She's..."

**_DUN DUNNNNN!_** Flurrie looked worried!

**_DUN DUNNNNN! _**Squirt looked scared!

**_DUN DUNNNNN! _**Pikario picked his nose!

"...pregnant." the doctor finished.

**_DUN DUNNN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!_**

**_

* * *

_**

**_Authoress' Notes:_** _Shut up about the Volt Shroom, anyone who cares. :P I know what it really does, but I wanted end the battle quickly and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I didn't include that baby Jabbie because he has no real purpose; I mean, he's not even there when you go back! ...**I **never saw him, anyway... So, that's it, I guess... Happy Valentine's Day:P_


	4. 3: Of Glitz, Shits, and Glory!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Well, here's Chapter 3 for ya, one of my favorite chapters in the game. I'd like to thank Neutron Mario Fan for thinking up such an awesome name for Glitzville! I was originally going to call it "Bling-Blingsville", but I'll work that joke into the plot somewhere later.__

* * *

_

**_College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!_**

_**Chapter 3:** Of Glitz, Shits, and Glory!_

_

* * *

_

_After finding out about Pikella's condition, everybody went to Flurrie's house to figure out what to do about it! ...Like it really mattered what they'd do about it in the first place..._

Pikario paced the floor. "I knew it! It was a scheme all along!"

"It wasn't a scheme, Pikario! It just...happened!" Pikella sighed, sitting on a couch.

"Well, you two did share a bed..." Squirt added, nervously.

**"EXACTLY!"** Pikario pointed out! "It must've happened while I was under... _Horny Hypnosis!"_

**_DUN DUNNNN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!_**

Flurrie sweatdropped. "Come again?"

"Horny Hypnosis!" Pikario repeated! "It's a disorder I have where sometimes, when I don't have sex for a long time, I get horny in my sleep..."

Squirt hid behind Flurrie. "You see? What scary people I know!"

"Pikario, I have to admit, that's a bit... harsh..." Flurrie huffed.

"What do you know? Are you still a virgin?" Pikario spat.

Flurrie was outraged! "That is none of your business!"

"Well, Pikario," Pikella swooned! "this means we're _**really**_ lovers now!"

Pikario lowered his ears. "Haven't you ever heard of single mothers?"

Pikella got mad! **_"WHAT?"_**

* * *

_Tra la la la la! Everybody went back to the Very Old Door Thingy, did the shiny stuff and shit, then went back to Franklyidunno's place for directions!_

Franklyidunno slammed a book down on his desk! "**_Ah ha!_** The next Star is in Glitzville Shitsville, a freaking flying town! It's called that because a lotta snooty people place bets on fighters to win shit, but they never do! And **_DEAR GOD_**, Pikella! You have gotten **_FAT!"_**

Pikella rolled her eyes. "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant!"

"You little bitch!" Frannyidunno threw a book at the wall! "You're not even out of college yet! Who do you think you are, going off and having kids?"

Pikella sweatdropped. "If they're Pikario's, I'll be fine... and rich! Pikario's a SuperStar!"

"I'm leaving the country..." Pikario said, quietly.

"That's what they all say! Anyway, go talk to Don Pianta, cause he's got the shit!" Frannyidunno threw them out!

Then, Chuigi appeared! "Yo, Bro! I am **_so_** one step closer to getting laid!"

Pikario looked away. "Fuck off, Chuigi..."

Chuigi bounced around! "Dude! I went to the Wutevah Volcano and did some shit, found a Blooper and threw him at some giant statue! I got a Compass Piece Thingy from it!"

"That's just so nice for you..." Pikario replied, sarcastiscally.

"Shaddup, Chuigi!" Blooey interrupted. "You know that **_I _**did all of the hard work! All you did was get drunk and fall into the lava!"

**_"I DIDN'T FALL INTO THE LAVA!" _**Chuigi rampaged!

Blooey sighed! "Then explain why your ass is toasted..."

Chuigi sweatdropped, but he didn't turn around! "Well, you fell in, too!"

**_"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU MISSED WHEN YOU THREW ME AT THAT DAMN STATUE!"_** Blooey shouted, squirting Chuigi with a Water Gun.

"Let's get outta here," Pikario whispered to his group, as they ran away!

* * *

_So, everybody went to "Da West Side", with Pikario feeling especially excited! On the way there, he even knocked some random Shroomish out of the way because she said he stepped on her contact lens, even though he probably_ _didn't! Then, he went to buy some shit at the local sotre, cause he was hungry, but he somehow ended up in Don Pianta's office! Sweet!_

Tony stomped the ground!**_ "HALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLT!"_**

Vinny slapped him! "SHUT UP! We're only 'spose ta do sumtin' when da Boss sayz so!"

Don Pianta sat up! "So, uh... wut iz da likes of youse doin' down here on Da West Side? Dis be muh turf, bitches!"

"Well, we need a passport to... um, Glitzville Shitsville?" Squirt wondered!

**_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_** the evil ducky/pineapple thingy said! "Ise only do dese kinda tings fo' old friends... **_AND ROBOT CHICKEN! BWAHAHAHA!_**

Pikella scratched her head. "Well, this is going nowhere fast..."

"Hey, you!" Don Pianta pointed at Pikella, talking to Pikario. "Youse got a loaded dame! And youse da daddy?"

Pikario shook his head quickly. "What the hell? Of course I'm no..."

Don Pianta rubbed his chin. "Youse got kids on da way, sose I'll spare youse! Maybe... we can woik dis ting out?"

"...yeeeah..." Pikario shifted his eyes around the room. "Yep, she's loaded, all right!"

"I thought you said you wanted nothing to do with me..." Pikella sneered.

Pikario pushed her out of the way! "Oh, nevermind her! You know how stupid women get sometimes!"

Pikella was pissed to the max, but she didn't do anything!

"Well, den! Ise needs you ta look fo' muh girl, Francesca! I tink she ran off wit' Frankie, muh best bodyguard, and he could be rapin' her!"

Squirt rolled his eyes. "Where have I heard that before...?"

* * *

_So, off they went... **AGAIN!** They searched high and low and **FINALLY,** after all their efforts, Pikario and friends found two Piantas down at the docks! Whoo-dee-damn-doo! **AGAIN!**_

Francesca pouted. "Damn it! Where the hell is the boat? Daddy will be so pissd if we don't get the hell outta here, Frankie!"

Frankie shrugged. "But my little buttermilk buttered biscuit, with melted cheese an' honey, with a little dash of pepporoni an' some of dose lil' shrimp tingnies an' some freshly baked fries on da side, topped off with a nice, juicy chocolate melted shake, with one of dem cherries at da top, do youse tink we should be doin' dis?"

Francesca sweatdropped. "Yes..."

"Okay then, my soft, yummy piece of sweet pizza, with extra cheese an' sauce, an' sushi along wit' it, not ta mention da strawberry yogurt an' da big, ripe watermeleon, full of da juices dat flow from my heart into yours!" Frankie said.

Just then, Pikario appeared! "Hey lady, he's totally gonna cheat on you..."

Francesca got mad! "Hey, did Daddy send you to come and get us?"

"Yeah," Pikario answered, getting slapped into the ocean!

**_"DON'T YOU DARE TELL DADDY, OR I'LL RIP YOUR PENIS OFF!" _**Francesca warned, threatening to slap Pikario's ass again!

"Holy shit! This woman's serious!" Pikario freaked, climbing out! **"RUN AWAY!"****

* * *

**

_Well, that was a big waste of time! Anyway, somehow or another everybody ended up back at Don Pianta's place!_

"Did youse find muh girl?" Don asked!

Pikario hid behind the table! "Yeah, and she's trying to leave with that other guy, but she said she'll rip my penis off! And I'm not done with it!"

"Oh, such madness," Flurrie sighed.

Just then, Francesca stormed in with Frankie!**_ "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDY!"_**

"Damn it all to hell, Francesca! Youse in big trouble!" the Don said!

"Daddy! Take me!" Francesca begged!

"No, Boss! Take me!" Frankie also begged!

**_"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDY!"_**

**_"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSS!"_**

**_"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDY!"_**

**_"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSS!"_**

**_"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDY!"_**

**_"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUGH!"_** Don silenced everyone in da room! "Francesca, Frankie, do wutever da hell youse want! I don't care anymore! Mr. Pikachu guy, here's ya damn ticket! Tony, Vinny, stop picking your noses! **_NOW EVERYONE GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!"_**

_So, that settled it! Francesca and Frankie ran off to somewhere, Pikario and company took the blimp to Glitzville Shitsville, and Tony and Vinny decided to buy some tissues so they would stop picking their noses! YAY! PROGRESSION!_

_

* * *

__Everyone eventually ended up at Glitzville Shitville! Yay for them in completing their strange and confusing task!_

"Yikes!" Pikario squinted, getting off the blimp. "Damn, why the hell is it so bright up here?"

"Maybe because the sun is, like, 2 feet away," Pikella suggested!

"This place is **_way_** too close to the ozone layer! My shell is gonna burn!" Squirt whined!

Just then, Pikario noticed something! "Quick! Let's get inside that big building so the sun won't kill us!"

_So, everyone ran inside the big building, only to see that it was a fighting arena of some sort!_

"Kickass! Finally, the Star is in a place where Ican have some FUN!" Pikario rejoiced!

Squirt trembled. "Fighting is scary..."

"And dirty..." Flurrie groaned.

"And boring..." Pikella yawned.

"And kickass!" Pikario added, running into the stadium!

_And boy, oh, boy! It was HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE! There were, like, a billion Pokémon all over the place! And it was loud! And big! And... um, there were stripper Pikachus walking around the stage! It was like the freaking WWF, or something!_

**_"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE WE ARE, FOLKS!"_** A Totodile refree on stage shouted! "Rawk Hawk is gonna totally pwn this loser's ass!"

_All of a sudden, a Blaziken kicked an unfortunate Squirtle in the nuts, sending him to the floor with a crash!_

The poor Squirtle groaned! "Gah! My balls..."

"See? Told ya!" the Totodile spat! "Rawk Hawk, how's it feel to totally pwn a loser's ass 3,298,439,403 times on a row?"

Rawk Hawk grabbed the microphone! **_"IT'S GREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! RAWK ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! _**This bitch shouldn't have messed wit' da **_RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!_** Next time he comes back, I'll personally rip BOTH his balls off!"

The Totodile bounced up and down!** _"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHEEEEEE!_** What a threat! Well, here's the fucking Champion's Belt!"

_So, Rawk Hawk got the fucking Champion's Belt, but Pikella noticed something!_

"Wait a minute! On the Belt! That's the Gold Crystal Star that's supposed to be here!" she pointed out.

Pikario obviously wasn't listening, as he was shouting for Rawk Hawk to rip someone's balls off!

Pulling Pikario away, Pikella joined everyone else outside! "Pikario! We need to fight for that Belt!"

"Hell no! I want to **_watch_** that guy rip balls off, not lose mine!" Pikario barked!

"He looks big and scary..." Squirt whimpered.

"Pikario, you guys have to fight for that Belt, or we won't ever find Peach!" Pikella nagged.

Pikario noticed something. "Wait a minute... Why aren't **_you_** fighting?"

**_"BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT, DUMBASS!"_** Pikella bellowed!

* * *

_So, Pikario snuck into the back to try and talk to someone so he could register to fight and bust some heads! He soon came upon the Totodile refree's room! And there was a Breloom lady in there, too!_

Seeing Pikario, the Totodile sat up in his chair! "So, wut's up son? What'cha doin' here?"

"I wanna sign up and bust some heads... and asses!" Pikario answered!

The Totodile bounced on his desk! "Finally! A real fighter with real spunk! Jolene, you asshole! Don't just stand there; do something!"

"Like what, Sir?" the Breloom sighed.

**"SIGN HIM UP, YOU BITCH!** If you're not going to be a prostitute, then you'd better be good at something or I'll kick your ass but good!" he warned!

Flurrie sweatdropped. "Even the refree is mean..."

"That's right, I'm mean! By the way, the name's Grubba; call me by anything else, and I'll shove a dried turd down your pants!" the little Totodile threatened!

"So, now what?" Pikario wondered.

"Well, first you need a name," Grubba explained.

"Pikario," the hero plainy said!

Grubba shook his head. "Nah, too out-there. What about...uh... Gonzales!"

"What about Crotch Killer?" Pikario joked.

**_"THAT'S A GOOD ONE, SON!"_** Grubba danced!

Squirt shrugged. "And now?"

Grubba smiled. "Aw, this part's easy, son! Just go follow Jolene the Idiot over there and kick some ass!"

Jolene sighed and walked out the door. "Follow me..."

* * *

_So, Jolene told everybody the rules and lead them to the Rookie's Locker Room, then she went on about how she used to be a prostitute, but quit because she found a little something she liked to call "Common Sense"! _

After she left, Pikario went to the thingy to sign up with! Grubba came on the screen!

"Hey, Crotch Killer! You're gonna fight some stupid Goombas!" he ordered, before leaving!

"This is so exciting!" Pikario thought outloud!

"Exciting? Listen up, G money! I'm King K, the big dawg 'round here. 'Sup, my main man?" He gave Pikario some skin!

"Sweet, man. Is this place the shit?"

KK smiled. "It's that and a bag 'a chips!"

"Kickin'," Pikario smirked.

Pikella layed down. "Well, I'm staying here until you guys win, or something."

"Look, the guard!" Flurrie pointed out, as the guard came in to get Pikario!

"Yo, Crotch Killer! Ass-kicking time!" he ordered!

"That's you, stupid!" KK snorted.

_So, Pikario, Flurrie, and Squirt went on to the stage to fight the stupid Goombas! There were lotsa people, like before, and the strippers were still prancing about, holding up signs like, "Orange Juice: The Silent Killer!"_

**_"HEEEEEEEEEEEERE WE ARE AGAIN!"_** Grubba shouted! "We have a newcomer here today, so please welcome... **_THE CROTCH KILLERRRRRRRRRR!"_**

**_"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"_**

**_"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_**

**_"GO, MAN, GO! GO, MAN, GO! GO, MAN, GO!"_**

Squirt shivered. "Wow... cheers for us?"

"That's cause we pwn this place!" Pikario responded!

"And over here, we have the stupid Goombas, who could get beaten by a hairbrush," Grubba mumbled.

The Goomba Bros. were outraged! "Hey! We deserve better than that!"

"Yeah, right," Pikario scoffed, somehow throwing Flurrie at the Goombas! Her fat ass killed them!

**_"SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! THE GREAT CROTCH KILLER WINS BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS!"_** Grubba announced!

* * *

_Ah, you guys know the deal: Pikario kept kicking ass and fighting until..._

"Sup, man?" KK greeted Pikario, eating a hot dog!

Squirt sniffed it! "Hmm, smells good. Where'd you get it?"

"Outside," KK took a bite. "Man, that bitch has got some kickin' hot dogs!"

"Well, I'm getting hungry..." Squirt mumbled.

"Well, let's get some, dammit!" Pikario sped out the door with Squirt!

Flurrie pouted. "Oh, such vile food! Right, Pikella?"

"When I'm _sleeping_, I don't talk..." Pikella grumbled from underneath the covers!

* * *

_Meanwhile! Outside, Pikario and Squirt were deciding on what the hell to get!_

"Let there be hot dogs!" Squirt demanded!

"I want some pork rinds!" Pikario shouted!

Mr. Hoggle sighed. "For the last time, **_I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING PORK RINDS!"_**

Pikario got mad! "Oh, shit!"

_Just then, an egg popped out of nowhere! And it was like, bouncing and shit!_

"Your egg is running away..." Pikario bluntly pointed out!

Mr. Hoggle turned around and freaked out! **_"Oh, shit!"_**

_And so,_ _**IT BEGAN!** Mr. Hoggle, Pikario, and Squirt began chasing that damn egg all over Glitzville Shitsville! They chased it through the shop, through the juice bar (which Pikario got wasted in!), then finally, the damn thing went to sleep on top of Mr. Hoggle's stand! What the hell?_

"Damn it..." Mr. Hoggle grunted, leaving. "You guys can have it; probably possesed, anyways..."

"Great!" Pikario declared, climbing on top of the stand! Squirt climbed up, too and they started fighting over the egg!

"Damn it, Squirt! I'm hungry! And when I get hungry, **_bad things happen!"_** Pikario growled!

"But I want this egg! You wanted pork rinds!" Squirt whined!

Pikario dropped the egg! "Well, I changed my mind!"

_The egg got up!_

Pikario frowned. "What the hell?"

_The egg bounced up and down! It obviously wanted to be with Pikario for some stange reason!_

Squirt got down on the ground. "Oh, nevermind. I'll just have a salad!"

Pikario grabbed the egg and walked back to the locker room. "After I clean this bastard off, it's lunch time!"

* * *

_Due to the fact that Flurrie thought cholesterol was evil and Pikella kept proclaiming "That poor egg's a living thing, too!", Pikario never got to eat it! Hooray! Instead, he, Flurrie, and Squirt continued busting heads and shit! They were almost to the 10th Rank and after that... well... uh, something good happened! **MWAHAHAHAHA!**_

Pikario got on stage, raring to go! Flurrie was calm, but Squirt was terrified, like normal!

Grubba started up the audience! "**_WELL, THE GREAT CROTCH KILLER IS BACK, FOLKS!_** After this match, he'll be even stronger in the next rank! So, C.K., what do you say to your opponents, the Armored Bitches From Hell That Can't Be Defeated Unless You Have a Yoshi in Your Party Because Their Defense is Like 43,894,839,088,373?"

Pikario grabbed the mike. "I say, **_go back to hell where you came from, bitches! YEAH!"_**

The crowd was ecstatic! _**"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**_

_Then, the Armored Bitches From Hell That Can't Be Defeated Unless You Have a Yoshi in Your Party Because Their Defense is Like 43,894,839,088,373 came out! **OH NOOOOOOO!**_

Grubba gave the older one the mike. "You heard what C.K. said, now what do you say?"

"Suck our armored asses! We'll wipe the floor with your... um..."

"Asses?" Pikario sweatdropped.

**_"...YEAH! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_**

The crowd was surprised! **"GASP!"**

Grubba smiled. **_"WOW! _**What a comeback! **_NOW, BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTLE!"_**

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! Oh no, it's the _****_Armored Bitches From Hell That Can't Be Defeated Unless You Have a Yoshi in Your Party Because Their Defense is Like 43,894,839,088,373!_**

**_"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_** Try and kill us!" the elder barked!

"Fine, then!" Pikario replied.

_What took place after that was strange, confusing, and just not right! So, let's just say Pikario and friends ended up losing... **BADLY,** I might add!__

* * *

_

Pikario flopped down on the bed. "Damn it! We lost!"

Squirt started crying! "It wasn't my fault!"

Flurrie sighed. "Oh, dear..."

Pikella sat up on the couch. "Hey, that egg thing hatched," she pointed out.

Pikario turned around. "What?"

_And lo and behold, there was a small, itsy-bitsy baby Yoshi at the other end of the room! He had on diapers and a cute little tuft of spiky hair on his head! Cute!_

Pikario frowned. "Pikella, is this some kind of twisted joke? You rigged this!"

"No, I didn't!" Pikella got up and slowly waddled over to Pikario, annoyed.

"The dame's right! My mum an' pop musta abandoned me, or sumthin'..." theYoshi said, with a cute accent!

Flurrie smiled. "What a darling little Yoshi!"

Squirt took some pills, in a state of shock! "Don't touch me...!"

The Yoshi glared at Pikario. "So, what do you bitches want?"

"For starters, we would like it very much if you didn't use such nasty words!" Flurrie lectured.

Pikario silenced her! "Aw, come on! Let him say what he wants!"

The Yoshi smiled. "Yeah, bitch!"

Pikario playfully shoved the Yoshi! "You got the gift, man! And if you want to be the master, you need to hang with the master!"

"Oh, boy..." Pikella rolled her eyes.

"Also," Pikario continued! "you need a name. Normally, Yoshies kinda piss me off because they're always so damn nice all the time, but you're one of the few exceptions!"

"Ah, well... I don't have a name..." the young dinosaur shrugged.

"Then I shall give you one!" Pikario announced!

"What about Jeremiah Franklin III?" Flurrie suggested!

"Or... Steve?" Squirt shrugged.

Pikella ran into the bathroom to throw up for a certain reason!

"Crusher!" Pikario stated! "That's your name! It just hit me, like... that!"

"Hmm... I like it!" the Yoshi announced! Crusher said his name over and over again to himself!

**_Crusher Became a Part of Pikario's Party! He's His Fourth New Member! Yay!_**

**_Name:_** _Crusher_

**_Pokémon:_** _Charmander_

_**Attitude:** Bold/Tough_

_**Ability: **Throwing Eggs and Providing Faster Modes of Transportation!_

_**Met At: **Glitzville Shitsville_

_W00t! All right! We got us a Yoshi!** AND** we can name him! "Crusher" can do all kinds of stuff like normal Yoshies can, like... eat people! And... throw eggs at them and walk really fast while carrying Pikario's fat ass! **AND HE FLUTTER JUMPS!** He's rough and tough and just the cutest little thing ever! Lookie at hie wittle diapers! Why, one day, he could very well grow up to be a big, strong Charizard!_

**_And That's Basically All You Need to Know About Your Partner!_****_

* * *

_**

Pikario signed up for the next match! "All right, we're gonna get those Armored Bitches From Hell That Can't Be Defeated Unless You Have a Yoshi in Your Party Because Their Defense is Like 43,894,839,088,373!" 

Crusher smiled! "Yeah!"

_Blah, blah, blah! You know what happened! Crusher ate the Armored Bitches From Hell That Can't Be Defeated Unless You Have a Yoshi in Your Party Because Their Defense is Like 43,894,839,088,373 and he never spit them back up! **OH, MY GOD!** Anyway, PIkario moved up to the Novice's Locker Room, which was a lot nicer than the other bitchy room! Upon entering, Pikario got an E-mail from someone called "X"!_

Crusher looked at the mail. _"'U R DEd MeEt if u DuNt DropP OWt nOWWWWWW!'_ What the hell?"

"Probably just a typo or something," Pikario shrugged.

_**MWAHAHAHAHAHA!** Pikario and friends, with their new Yoshi, they busted heads with his **TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONGUE!** Then they all sat down and had a light lunch... **OF OZONE LAYER DOOM!** Then, everyone just kept fighting until..._

"Look!" Crusher said! "Another E-Mail! It says to go to the bar and get a present!"

_So, they went to the juice bar and got wasted! Oh, and the Super Hammer, too! Then, Pikario got a mail to go to the Rookie Locker Room and do something! So, he went there!_

Crusher looked around! "Well?"

"Let's dent up that strange giant frowning block thing over there!" Pikario said!

"It's watching me..." Squirt shook!

_So, Pikario broke the block and found a Dubious Paper! Well, actually, it was full of porn and ways of cooking bacon with your shirt off, but Nonetheless! Then, Jolene came in and took the Paper, but not before kicking Pikario's ass in a quick fight! She just went for the balls! Good strategy!_

**_

* * *

_**

_Blah, blah blah, again! More fighting and shit! My, what a violent Chapter! Anyway, Pikario soon came back to the Novice Locker Room to find that someone left him cake!_ _Yay! Pikario took a slice! All his wounds were healed! Hooray! All his friends got some, too! But Pikella didn't want any, cause she was sick from being pregnant! Oh, well! Her loss! Now, back to fighting!

* * *

_

Pikario stood victourious over his last opponent! "Yeah! Who pwns you? **_I own joo! MWAHAHAHAHA!"_**

Grubba waved to the audience! "Well, that's it folks! Now it's time to..."

**"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD UP!"** Someone barked!

**"WAIT A MINUTE!"** the crowd sang as a joke!

Bowser angrilly stomped in! "That's not funny!"

Flurrie went wide-eyed! "Who on Earth is that?"

"Damn you, Bowser! You're more annoying than herpes!" Pikario growled!

"Shut up!" Kammy turned Squirt into a toaster for no apparent reason!

Bowser stomped around! "I'm gonna knock you out!"

"Mama said knock YOU out!" Pikario taunted! The crowd could indentify!

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWSERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!_**

"Okay, I'm gonna kill ya and then... **GO OUT AND HAVE A LIGHT LUNCH! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"** Bowser plotted evilly!

"You bastard!" Pikario kicked Bowser in the shins!

"OW! Damn you!" Bowser bit Pikario! Now he's pissed!

"All right! That's it!" Pikario used Thunderbolt! It's Super Effective! Bowser's dead! An X-Naut threw a can on-stage at Crusher!

"Hey!" Crusher got mad and threw an egg at the X-Naut! W00t!

**_EXIT BATTLE MODE! CRUSHER CAN LAY EGGS?_**

"Damn you, Pikario!" Bowser grunted! "I'll get you one day... **AND YOUR LITTLE TOASTER, TOO! MWAHAHAHAHA!" **

_And with that, he ran off laughing!_

_

* * *

_

_Back in the Novice Locker Room, Pkario found out that his next message from "X" was to go the Storage Room, so he did!_

Squirt sighed. "I'm getting tired of running around like this..."

Pikario slapped him! "Shut up! The faster we do this shit, the sooner I'll find Peach!"

_After a while of walking around and stuff, Pikario eventually ended up in the basement! And there were 4 holes all lined up in a row that linked to Grubba's room!_

Flurrie swetdropped. "How strange..."

Crusher looked through a hole. "That X person might've done this, but come look! Grubba's talking to Jolene!"

_So, everyone took a peek through the holes!_

* * *

Grubba sat in his chair and glared at Jolene! "Y'know, Jolene... things have been getting mighty weird around here... **I THINK SOMEONE'S ONTO ME AND MY GOLD CRYSTAL STAR!"**

Jolene said nothing!

Grubba sweatdropped. "Pretend you didn't just hear me say that!"

Jolene began to leave. "Okay?"

* * *

Crusher jumped up! "Ah ha! So, it was all him, all along!" 

"That bitch is keeping me from glorious sex!" Pikario growled!

"Eh?" Grubba looked up! "Who the hell's up there?"

Crusher looked around in a panic! "Oh, shit! Now what?"

At time, Squirt decided to let one rip! His fart was so loud, that it convinced Grubba to make an assumption!

"Ah, just the vents farting again! No biggie!" Then, he left!

* * *

Pikario slapped Squirt! "Damn, you didn't have to do THAT!" 

Squirt blushed. "Sorry, I couldn't help it..."

_Well, after that, everyone went on about more fighting and stuff, then when Pikario signed up for the next match, Jolene brought in another cake!_

Squirt ran over and took it! "Yum! Look, guys! Another cake!"

"Not so fast!" Pikella walked over and took the cake, enraging Pikario!

"Hey, what's the deal? That's ours! You said you didn't want any!" he barked at her!

"Well, I changed my mind!" Pikella sneered, eating the cake whole, then going back to sleep on the bed!

"WHY, YOU..." Pikario started, but everyone else just dragged him to stage, were he beat the Freakin' Chain Chomp Country in one blow!

_When Pikario came back into the room, he saw that it was covered in vomit!_

Squirt frowned. "What happened here?"

Then, Teh Koopinator-In-Your-Ass ran up! "It's that crazy Pikachu lady! She got sick and started blowing clunks all over the place after you left!"

Pikario sweatdropped. "I wondered what could've made her sick..."

"Maybe it was that cake she took from us..." Crusher pondered!

Pikario's eyes widened! "Really, now? Well, then, way to take one for the team, Pikella!"

* * *

_Anyway, after all that mess was cleaned up, Pikario signed up for the next match! He went to the little screen thingy to register for, like, the 8,439,478,249,372 time, but this time, a Croconaw came up!_

"Hey, C.K.!" the Croconaw called in a familar voice!

Crusher looked at the screen! "Hey, I think that's Grubba! He must've gotten a face-lift!"

Grubba sweatdropped. "No, actually, I evolved! I guess watching all the fights got me excited!"

"Well, congrats to you!" Flurrie sand happily!

"Shut up!" Pikario growled!

"Your next match is against Rawk Hawk! Sweet, huh?" Grubba grinned! "So, get ready, C.K!"

The screen went **BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!**

"Finally!" Pikario sighed, waking up to Pikella! "Now, get up! We might need some help with this guy! I'm not losing my balls to a chicken... or to anyone else, either!"

"Eh..." Pikella grumbled, getting up. "How could you feed me a poison cake? That goes directly to the baby, you know!"

Pikario blew her off. "Shut up and stop being a bitch!"

Pikella narrowed her eyes. "Just you wait, Pikario..."

The guard came in! "Yo, C.K! Ass-kicking time!"

_And so, everybody followed the guard, but then, Flurrie noticed something!_

"Wait, darling," she called to the guard. "Aren't we going the wrong way? The ring's over there, precious!"

"Yeah, well, this time, your going this way!" the guard mumbled, pushing them into another dingy room!

Pikella frowned! "EWWWWWWWW! This place stinks!"

"Or, that might've been me..." Squirt blushed!

* * *

_Back in the ring, everyone was having a fit beacuse Pikario hadn't shown up! Pokémon were actually starting to take over the ring becasue they were so angry! Food, trash, Pokémon, and strippers were everywhere! _

Grubba kicked a Growlithe off the stage! "Please, folks! The great C.K. will be here! Just wait!"

"Shit!" Rawk Hawk growled, knocking out a random Meowth! "They're everywhere! This is **SOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKING!"**

**

* * *

**

_Back in the Dingy Locker Room..._

Pikario paced the floor! "I bet that damn son-of-a-turkey did this!"

"I knew something was amiss," Flurrie sighed.

Squirt came out of the bathroom! "Wow! What a refreshment! I feel better now!"

Pikella covered hir nose, but Pikario got an idea!

"Hey, we can flush down the toilet to get outta here!" he suggested, getting a lot of dirty looks!

Crusher made a face. "You're kidding, right?"

Pikario got in the toilet! "I'll try anything for sex!"

_And with that, he flushed himself down the drains, with everyone else following reluctantly!_

_

* * *

_

_**WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!** Everyone ended up in the Novice Locker Room! Seeing two Pikachus, a Charmander, a Jynx, **AND **a Squirtle step out and just leave the room made everyone sweatdrop!_

"Dude," Teh Koopinator-In-Your-Ass whispered to Da Poke-Ya Faces, "what the hell was that?"

Da Poke-Ya Faces looked at one another.

"We'd like to say that it was something called 'a fivesome'..." one answered!

* * *

_Back at the ring, Pikario stepped in, stopping all the chaos!_

"Look! It's C.K.! THANK GOD!" Grubba sighed, as everyone went back to their seats and started cheering!

Rawk Hawk brushed himself off and sweatdropped. "Well, I could'vekilledthe crowd, if I wanted to..."

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! IT'S TIME TO RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK!_**

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rawk Hawk shouted! "It's go time! I'll rip your balls off first, Crotch!"

Pikario hid behind Flurrie! **"NO, I NEEEEEEEEEEEEED THEM!"**

Pikella use Tattle! "That Rawk Hawk and he has 40HP, bleh. He's a big, stupid Blaziken guy who likes to rip out other guys' balls...ewwwwwwwww..."

Squirt used his Power Shell and made Rawk Hawk trip and fall!

"Ow!" Rawk Hawk rubbed his beak! "Damn it, Crotch! You're in for it now!"

Rawk Hawk used Sky Uppercut! It knocked Squirt over on his shell!

"Help!" Squirt called from the floor! "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Crusher kicked Squirt into the audience! "What a wuss! If you're gonna be like that, then get outta the way!"

Rawk Hawk charged for Crusher, but Crusher threw an egg at him!

**"AHHHHHHHHHH, MY RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKING EYES!"** Rawk Hawk cried, running around!

"Wuss!" Crusher spat! "My **_EGG OF DOOM_** will surley kill you!"

**"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!"** Rawk Hawk roared, stomping the ground making the ceiling come down!

"Hey, you can't do that! I'm so telling Nintendo on you!" Pikario shouted!

Rawk Hawk started bouncing on the ceiling! **"WHATEVER, CROTCH! NOW IS WHEN YOU DIE!"**

_A whole bunch of shit started falling from the stage! Too bad most ofthe stuffhit_ _the Pokémon_ _in the in crowd, either killing them or making them run away!_

The big, stupid Blaziken jumped off the ceiling and sweatdropped at the half-dead crowd. "Oops..."

"Now's our chance!" Pikario picked up Crusher and threw him at Rawk Hawk!

Crusher used Ground Pound! Critical Hit!

"GAH!" Rawk Hawk died! ...Sorta...

**_EXIT BATTLE MODE! WOW! THAT RAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWKED!_**

Rawk Hawk fell on the ground! **"AW, SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!** I'm defeated! **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

**"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"** Grubba corrected him! "C.K. wins! **W00t! W00t! W00t!"**

**_"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"_**

**"I'M THE WINNER! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" **Pikario laughed evilly!

* * *

_Now, Pikario was the Champion and he got the Champ's Belt, which was pretty much useless! Damn! But he did get a really cool room! Yay!_

"Congrats, Mr. Champion." Jolene sighed, giving him 73847397 coins and leaving! "Now, if you'll excuse me..."

"Dude! Look at this room! **IT'S HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE!** There's enough beds for all of us, massaging tables, every Nintendo game and console, 16 DVD players, 12 computers, a 9,048 inch wide-screen TV, 7 jacuzzis, 10 pimped up cars, all these cool original pictures of us, and there's **PIZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"** Crusher bounced up and down!

"Sweet!" Pikario ran over to the nearest massaging table and got worked on by a random Raichu prostitute!

"Hmmm..." Pikella thought outloud. "This is strange..."

"Oh, shut up, Pikella and relax for once!" Pikario demanded!

_For no apparent reason, Crusher climbed up onto the bed and ended up in the vents! Pikario followed him up there!_

"Dude, what are you doing up here? Squirt's playing 'Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door!'" Pikario informed the young Yoshi!

"Shhh... look..." Crusher pointed through the vents that lead to Grubba's room!

* * *

Grubba looked at something in his desk. "Mwahahahaha! With this, I can rule the world!" 

Crusher frowned. "With what?"

Grubba answered his question by holding up a bottle full of steroids! Steroids would help him take over the world! **MWAHAHAHAHA!**

Pikario scoffed. "Big deal..."

"Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd! That Gold Crystal Star will help, too!" Grubba finished!

Pikario got mad! "HEY!"

He and Crusher busted through the vent and scared Grubba!

**"HEY! C.K.! WHAT THE...!"** Grubba freaked out!

"Don't play dumb with me! You have the Gold Crystal Star!" Pikario accused!

"Well, shit, I'm out!" Grubba freaked out again and left!

Pikario chased after him! **"DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!"**

**

* * *

**

_After getting everybodyelse in the other room off their asses, they all gave chase until they found Grubba in the arena, with some freaky-looking machine... **AND THE GOLD CRYSTAL STAR!**_

**"NOW, C.K.!"** Grubba turned on the device! **"MEET YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"**

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**

**EXPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODE!**

**COMBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUST!**

**POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!**

**CHICKEN WINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGS!**

Grubba turned into an insane, crazy, hyped-up-on-steroids, Feraligatr!

"Oh, shit..." Pikario mumbled.

_**ENTER BATTLE MODE! OH, SHIT! PIKARIO IS SO SCREWED!**_

**_"MWAHAHAHAHA! MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACHO GRUBBA WILL PWN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!" _**Macho Grubba shouted, in all his huge, loud glory!

Pikella got out her Tattle Log! "That's Macho Grubba, AKA, Grubba. I can't believe he evolved twice in one day! That's, like, almost impossible! Anyway, he's on steroids and stuff, so try to hit him where the sun don't shine!"

Pikario smirked evilly. "That's just great! Now I can really live up to my name!"

Macho Grubba was confused! "Huh? What'd she say?"

Pikario grabbed his Hammer and charged straight for Macho Grubba's stuff! **"THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE WHO STOP ME FROM LOVIN' MY WOMAN!"**

**"Wait! WHAT?"** Macho Grubba was still confused!

Pikario slammed his Hammer into Macho Grubba's crotch so hard, that he actually killed him in one hit!

_**EXIT BATTLE MODE! HEY, THAT WAS EASY!**_

Grubba turned back into a Croconaw! Yay! Pikario won, then Jolene came in for some reason!

"You bitch!" She kicked Grubba's head! "Where's Prince Mush, my brother? He came to fight here, and he didn't come home, so where is he?"

"Gah... uhgh... He's... hack! ...dead, you bitch... hahahahaheeheehee... oh, my balls..." Grubba groaned!

_**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH!"**_ Jolene howled!

_Then the Gold Crystal Star went **POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!** and Mush appeared!_

"Woah," he mumbled! "What the heck happened?"

"...Mush?" Jolene asked!

"Jolene?" Mush looked at her! "You look so nerdy with glasses on! **HAHAHAHAHA!"**

_Jolene slapped him in the head with her tail, knocking him out, but she was still happy!_

Pikario sweatdropped. "So, we can have the Star, right?"

"Sure," Jolene kicked Grubba un the head again! "and I'm taking over the Shitz Pit, Grubba!"

"Fine...bitch... heheeeeeeeeeeeeeee... ow...damn..." Grubba moaned!

"Bleh," Pikario walked over to the Star!

**_TAAAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Pikario got the Gold Crystal Star! His Star Power is Now 4! He Can Use the Attack "Power Lift"! YAY!_**

_**1234567123456712345671234567EnD oF ChApTEr!12345671234567123456712345671234567**

* * *

_

_And so, after beating Rawk Hawk, becoming the Champ, and a whole lot of other shit, Pikario got the Gold Crystal Star! Yes, yay for him! No one knows where Peach is, though, and that made Pikario mad! Oh, well! They'll find her soon... **OR NOT! MWAHAHAHAHA!**_

_**Peach's Event!**_

_Peach sat around in her room, bored as usual! Just then, the doors of TEC's room opened! Yay! A random adventure where you'll have to dress up as somebody!_

"Hi, TEC!" Peach greeted! "Wut'cha doin'?"

"Plotting world domination of Pluto... and maybe Mercury! It annoys with its name!" TEC laughed!

Peach smiled! "Kay!"

"Hey Peach! I need more info on something that's not important, so you go ask Grodius for a condom, please!" TEC asked nicley!

Peach skipped off happily! "Okay! Yay!"

_So, Peach went upstairs! An X-Naut saw her and waved! Another gave her a cookie! Then, yet another came up and asked for a kiss! Peach gave him one and all his friends beat him up cause they were jealous! Peach walked to Grodius' room...or whatever the hell he calls it!_

"Hey, Grodius, do you have a condom, please?" Peach asked!

"Eh?" Grodius was too busy playing his GBA, so he didn't turn around to face Peach! He figured she was just a horny X-Naut! "Yeah, sure. Here ya go. Just clean up when you're done." He threw her a condom and she skipped off!

"Thank you!" Peach sang, going back to TEC, who was quite pleased!

"SWEET! You got one!" TEC took the condom, then shooed Peach out!

"Night, TEC!" Peach called, as she was thrown out the door!

"Night, Peach!" TEC called back, looking at the condom. "Hee hee hee hee..."

* * *

**_Bowser's Event!_**

Bowser somehow ended up in the Great Tree Thingy!

"My lord! I think the Emerald Crystal Star is here!" Kammy waved her wand!

"Shut up, Kammy!" Bowser roared, kicking a bush! This caused some Punies to run out!

Bowser frowned. "What the hell?"

"Those, my lord, are Punies!" Kammy informed Bowser!

"Yeah, and I'm the evil, creepy old lady. Boo blah," the Elder stepped up.

"I bet this hag knows where the Crystal Star is!" Kammy pointed out!

_**"IT'S CALLED THE EMERALD CRYSTAL STAR, DAMN IT!"**_ the Elder grew huge and shouted! "Besides, some Pikachu guy came and took it!"

**_"DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!" _**Bowser stomped the ground! "I'll get Pikario one day! I swear it!

Chituni gasped! "Ooh! He said he swears!"

* * *

_**Authoress' Notes:** Sorry it took me so long to get this Chapter up. My computer's been down. Ah, well! Hope you like this Chapter and I'll try and play Yoshi's Island this weekend and updete it with **"Stage 1-2: Look Out Below!"** and some other shit. Lol._


	5. 4: For the Motherfucking Swinub the

_**Authoress' Notes: **Hiyah. I'm bored, so here Chapter 4 for y'all. BTW, I was caught up on whether the people in Twilight Town should be Spoink, Swinub, Grumpig, or Piloswine, so I looked up info on their species to decide. Swinub was the closest match, since it's the Pig Pokémon. Piloswine is the Swine Pokémon, Grumpig is the Manipulate Pokémon, and Spoink is the Bounce Pokémon. Just in case someone asks in the reviews._

_

* * *

_

**_College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!_**

_**Chapter 4:** For the Motherfucking Swinub the Motherfucking Bell Tolls!_

_

* * *

_

_The gang, Jolene, Mush, Mr. Hoggle, and a whole bunch of other Pokémon who had nothing to do with the last Chapter are all standing around in Glitzville Shitsville, saying their goodbyes! Uh huh..._

Jolene fixed her glasses. "Well, Pikario, I must say good bye for now. I hope we meet again one day."

Pikario rolled his eyes. "It ain't likely, sister..."

Pikella got onto the blimp, riding on Crusher's back! "Hey, Pikario! Look! Crusher's a great mode of transportation for my condition!"

Crusher sturggled under Pikella's growing weight. "Ouch, damn..."

Pikario got pissed. **_"HEY! GET THE HELL OFF OF HIM BEFORE I THROW YOU OFF, WOMAN!"_**

Jolene sweatdropped. "Ok..."

Squirt sighed and Flurrie looked on as if she didn't care!

"Hey, Crotch Killer!" Rawk Hawk stepped up to Pikario. "The next time I see you, **YOU WILL DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"**

Pikario flipped him off! "Whatever!"

* * *

_**WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!** We get to fly the blimp again! **YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... Okay, shut up! They got back to Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard and ran into Chuigi!_

"Yo, bro!" the Pichu called out, making Pikario pissed!

"What, now? In case you haven't noticed, Peach isn't around! And when she's not around, I tend to get to pretty horny!" Pikario growled!

"Shut the fuck up and let me tell the goddamn story!" Chuigi spat! "I went to WhowritesthiscrapVillage and I got to dress up as a lady! Neat, huh?"

Pikario sweatdropped. "What? That you're gay?"

Chuigi got mad. **_"I'M NOT GAY, DAMN IT! I'M DOING IT FOR SEX!"_**

Pikario smirked. "With a guy."

**_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_** Chuigi bounced around!

Jerry looked around in fear, then pointed at Pikella!**_ "OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"_**

Pikella frowned. "I'm a Pikachu, you idiot!"

Jerry rolled around in circles! **_"A DEMON! A DEMON! SHE'LL EAT ME!"_**

Chuigi slapped Jerry! "Shut up! I haven't gotten to the best part yet!"

_While Chuigi was yelling at Jerry, the gang decided to sneak off once again!** WITH LIGHTNING SPEED! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

_

* * *

_

_So, everybody went to Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers, got lost about 473,847,895 times, got lost again... and again, then they found the Very Old Door Thingy! Hooray! After doing a lot of stuff with their brand new Gold Crystal Star that shouldn't be mentioned here, they went back to Franklyidunno's place for **COOKIES AND TEA! MWAHAHAHAHA!** _

Franklyidunno sipped his tea and looked at Pikario's map! Realizing what it said, he spit out his tea all over Pikella!_ **"HOLY SHIT!"**_

"Just great," Pikella grumbled.

Franklyidunno threw a hot dog at her! **"SHUT UP, PIKELLA! **I have an amazing plan to take over the world and you can't stop me, no matter how hard you try!"

Crusher got annoyed! "Dude, you're supposed to tell us about the next Star and shit."

Franklyidunno was outraged! **"I'M GETTING TO THAT!** It's in Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town and it's called the Ruby Crystal Star!"

Pikario shrugged. "So, how the hell do we get there?"

Franklyidunno slammed a book down on his desk! "How the hell should I know? Why do you think my name's **'FranklyIDUNNO'?** Get outta here!"

_So, Franklyidunno threw them out on their asses! **HAHA!**_

_

* * *

_

_Annoyed and irritated, Pikario decide to mug some unfortunate Pokémon behind Franklyidunno's pad so he could get revenge!_

Pikario ran up to a random Umbreon he found in the alley. **"GIMME YOU WALLET AND NO ONE GETS HURT!"**

"Pokémon get hurt every day; a cruel world it is. When will the killing end?" he sighed.

Pikario slapped him! "Shut up!"

"Yes," he sighed again. "I, Darkly, shall silence myself, for it is too bright to venture outside and let the sun's beam of hatred shine against my onyx fur. How will I ever get back to Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town, the place of eternal darkness?"

Squirt perked up. "Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town? You know where it is?"

Darkly sighed. "Of course, for that is where..."

"Shut up and tell us how to get there! I'm horny and I've a girl waiting for me to save her!" Pikario barked.

"You have to have something that has your name on it..." Darkly responded.

Pikario frowned. "Well, that's retarded."

"Well, I have my name on my diapers," Crusher informed everyone. "I wrote it on there so I'd see it every single time I go to the bathroom!"

"Uh...?"

* * *

_After that strange turn of events, everybody went to the Sewers **AGAIN,** got lost, **AGAIN**, then found the pipe leading to Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town! Goodie poo for them, so let's go eat pie._

The very second they got there, Flurrie noticed something! "Oh my! Look at the sky! It's so... pink!"

"Maybe that's why they call this place Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town," Squirt mused.

Pikario got mad!** "WHO THE FUCK CARES?"**

"Hey, look! Visitors!" Some random Umbreon called, coming over to Pikario!

"What?"

**"LEAVE! Leave now, before it's too LATE!"** the Umbreon spoke!

"What? No, I need something here!" Pikario informed him!

**DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING- DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!**

Crusher looked up. "Huh?"

"Sounds like the hour bell," Squirt mused.

"Idiot! Notice this place is called Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town?" Pikario growled.

The Umbreon ran around in circles! **"IT'S THE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL! OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"**

**POOFISHINGNESS! HE TURNED INTO A SWINUB! WHAT THE HELL?**

**_"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_** Flurrie was freaked out!

**_"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_** Squirt was freaked out!

**_"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_** Pikella was freaked out!

**_"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_** Crusher was freaked out!

"Mmm, bacon!" Pikario was hungry!

"Swinub Swinub Swinub!" the Swinub remarked!

"Oh, well! There goes another one!" an Absol with a busted scythe walked up!

"Who's that?" Crusher asked.

"I am Dour! The mayor! **MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!** Ok... um, yeah. Now our fair town is going to the pigs!"

"Eh?" Pikella was confused!

"Come to my house so we'll be safe... **_OR NOT! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"_**

_

* * *

_

_Inside Dour's house of unsafingness..._

"Now, anyway! There's, like, this monster guy who, like, is ringing this bell thing that, like, turns Pokémon into Swinub and stuff! And that's really bad!" Dour said!

"Then let's go stop him!" Crusher said!

**"OK!"**

_So, everybody went off the other end of Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town to leave and go... somewhere... and do something to get the Ruby Crystal Star! HOORAY! Eh, go sit down, chumps! Anyway, then they, like, ran into this Umbreon guy who was guarding the gate leading out of town!_

"Halt!" he said, seeing Pikario and friends!

"Halt, my ass!" Pikario retorted. "Let us through! I've got something important to do in the woods!"

"Unless it's masturbating, or something, I can't let you go to Holycrapits6:47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Trail unless the mayor says so!"

Pikario's eye twitched!**_ "WE JUST SPOKE TO THE GODDAMN MAYOR! HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL?"_**

_And after Pikario's rampage, the gang turned right back around to go back to Dour's house, but was stopped when Pikario felt like stealing from some poor fool to, once again, get revenge because he was mad. Yep, someone has really got some issues to work out..._

Pikario busted into Eve's house! **"GIMME YOUR MONEY, OR ELSE YOUR EEVEES GET IT!"**

"Oh, please, kind sir! Won't you give and my young children some food? My husband was turned into a Swinub and god knows where he is now, but he's not here, so we are broke and can't buy any food!" Eve explained.

"Mommy, I'm hungry!" one Eevee whined.

"I want food!" said another!

"I want _Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga_! ...and some chicken would be nice, too..." the smart-ass added.

Pikario shrugged. "So?"

Pikella took out a sandwich! "Here! Sorry, it's all I have..."

Eve was overjoyed! "Oh, thank you so much! Now my babies can eat and won't starve to death!"

Pikella glared at Pikario, who sneered back!

**_"WHAT?_** Does she not see all the Swinubs running around outside?" he argued!

"Take this as a sign of my gratitude!" Eve gave Pikario and all his friends a Nintendo DS! **WHOA! THAT'S HELLA TIGHT! TOTALLY!**

**DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING- DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!**

**POOFISHINGNESS! EVE TURNED INTO A SWINUB! OH NO!**

Squirt went mad! **"OH NO! WE COULD BE NEXT! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

Crusher slapped him! "Pull yourself together, man!"

_Everybody left Eve's house, with the Eevees wondering whether thay should eat their mom or Pikella's sandwich, only to hear the bell ring **AGAIN!**_

**DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING- DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!**

**_PLOT THICKNESS! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!_**

_

* * *

_

_Well, after that was... um, "Taken care of", Pikario and company continued on back to Dour's house! And they got there! Yay! But then..._

"Holy shit..." Pikario grumbled.

Crusher made a face. "You have **_got_** to be kiddin' me..."

_It seemed that Dour had turned into a Swinub, due to the last bell ringing! Oh no! That's very bad!_

Pikella looked at Pikario. "Now what?"

Pikario took out a .38 and cocked it. "Now... it's personal..."

Pikaella freaked out! "What the hell? Pikario, don't do_ **THAT!"**_

_Without another word, Pikario ran out of the house and dashed back to the gatekeeper, ready to kill him (or anyone) over glorious sex with glorious Peach! But then..._

**DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING- DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!**

_Pikario didn't care about the fucking bell, so he kept running until, everyone else caught up with him, with Pikella angry and annoyed!_

"Pikario, If you shot **ANYONE**, I'll..."

"Dude, the guy's a Swinub..." Crusher pointed at the gatekeeper Swinub guy.

Pikario smiled. "Good! No wasting bullets then!"

* * *

_And now, they were on Holycrapits6:47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Trail! But Crusher had to use the bathroom, so he went to a randomly placed shack! And found a Black Key!_

Seeing this, Pikario ran like mad! **_"NOT AGAIN! NOT AGAIN!"_**

_Due to the fact that Pikario somehow found another key somewhere in the woods and his quest was slightly halted because he was too fat to squeeze under a fallen tree and it was too big to climb over, it all resulted in the gang somehow ending up in the storage room of the shop back in Holycrapits6:47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town!_

Pikario glared at the Black Box! "You son of a..."

The Box moved around! "Come on! Lemme out! I have... **_A NINTENDO DS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_**

Flurrie held hers up. "We already have those, darling!"

_Just because he could, Squirt unlocked the Black Box, earning a nice kick in the balls from Pikario!_

**_"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS! NOW YOU CAN ROLL UP, LIKE THOSE EVIL FRUIT ROLL-UPS FROM TV! SUFFER, MY WEAKLINGS, SUFFERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"_**

_Then, he... did something and disappeared!_

Squirt looked around! "This guy is the pits! Where are the Nintendo DSs?"

_Pikario slapped him! _

_

* * *

_

_Okay, now that Pikario can do the rolling up thingy, he can get to wherever the hell he was going, so he did! ...And they also got to some place that was strangely called Teh Freeky Creepy Steeple! Neat, huh? After blowing up the front gate and getting in, Pikario surveyed the scene!_

"Where the hell's that damned Star?" he complained!

Crusher leaned against a random statue of Luigi in a dress in the middle of the room! "Well, I'm stumped..."

_Then, **POOF!** A small Boo appeared!_

"Hey! Will you guys hurt me?" he asked.

Pikario hit him over the head with his gun! **_"YES!"_**

**"OWWIE!" **the Boo disappeared, then came back with all of his friends!

Crusher sweatdropped! "Damn!"

"Just for that, I'm getting my friends to move the staircases in the other room so you can't get upstairs! **BWAHAHAHA!"**

_And they did just that! The Boos moved the staircases all around, putting them in the air, underground, or in the deep, dark recesses of the Authoress' mind! No one knows how, why, when, or what, but Pikario somehow managed to find a key and get upstairs! Then, when they got to the room upstairs, Pikella noticed a Gastly sitting in a chair! He had an awful sense of fashion, because he wore a 'Happy New Year's' hat and a blue necktie! What the fuck?_

"Hey! What's going on? Why aren't you guys Swinubs?" he asked, irritated!

"Because I'm here to kick your ass for stealing my bitch!" Pikario retorted!

**_"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_** Wait... huh? What the hell? I didn't steal your dame!" the Gastly was confused!

**_"Don't change the subject!"_** Pikario roared, charging into battle!

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL'S GOIN' ON, BUT IT'S GREAT!_**

Pikella used Tattle! "Let's see! This guy is...huh? Hey, it says here that he has no name!"

Pikario shook his head. "Then that book must be retarded, or something!"

"Ha ha! No, it's true! I have no name, so I only go by "!#&?"! **HAHAHAHA!" **!#&? said!

Flurrie frowned. "That's impossible!"

"Yeah, dude! You can't be called "!#&?"! You can't even pronounce it!" Crusher added!

_Pikario was pissed at "!#&?", so he started things off by using Thunderbolt!_

**_"Ouch!"_** !#&? said, taking 12 damage!

_Flurrie used Icy Wind!_

**_"Ouch!" _**!#&? took 3 damage!

_Crusher used Flamethrower!_

**_"Ouch!" _**!#&? took 7 damage!

_Squirt used Withdraw!_

"Meh..." !#&? sweatdropped!

_Pikella just sat around because she was too pregnant to do anything!_

"Okay, that's it! You guys wanna play rough? Then I shall play rough!" !#&? said, pissed!

"Shut up!" Pikario demanded, using another Thunderbolt!

!#&? then took out...**_ A SCANNER! LIKE THE ONES YOU FIND AT WAL-MART! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_**

Pikario cocked an eyebrow. "What the hell?"

!#&? laughed madly! **_"NOW MEET YOUR DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!"_**

"What's he gonna do? Label us to death?" Crusher joked!

"Or price us too high?" Squirt joked.

_Pikario glared at Squirt, then kicked him in the back of the head for making such a lame comment!_

"No! Watch this!" !#&? said, waving the scanner around like crazy, scanning Pikario!

_Then, **POOF!** !#&? turned into Pikario! ...or, at least a shadowy version of him!_

"That's it?" Pikario asked, pissed off!

!#&? sweatdropped. "**_MWAHAHAHAHAHA..._** Yeah, man, that's it. But I look like you now, so I can also use your attacks now!"

_!#&? used Thunderbolt on Pikario! It's not very effective..._

Pikella sweatdropped. "Um, I think it would really help if you didn't use Electric attacks on Electric Pokémon..."

!#&? kicked the ground! "Shit!"

"What the hell? That sucked on ice!" Pikario spat, knocking out !#&? with his Hammer!

**_EXIT BATTLE MODE! PIKARIO PWNED ASS AND HE PWNED IT WELL!_**

_"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... **CRAP!" **_!#&? groaned, falling on the ground, also dropping the Ruby Crystal Star!

"Look, it's the Ruby Crystal Star!" Pikella remarked.

"Yeah, yeah!" Pikario said, grabbing it!

**_TAAAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Pikario got the Ruby Crystal Star! YAY!_**

_1234567123456712345671234567**EnD oF ChApTEr!**1234567123456712345671234567 _

_

* * *

_

_Well, that was short-lived! Oh, well! Pikario finally got his hands on the Ruby Crystal Star and is now one step closer to saving Peach from the evil, but still very cute X-Nauts! After defeating "!#&?", his journey is already half over! **Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... POO!**_

_

* * *

_

_Pikario stood victorious over !#&? and laughed all crazily!_

**_"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" _**Pikario laughed!

"Hey, man... you can stop now..." Crusher reminded "Pikario"!

_"Oh... yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..._ Well, let's go, my friends and leave this freak here!" "Pikario" said strangely!

_So, "Pikario" and the others left with the Ruby Crystal Star! About 2 weeks later, "!#&?" finally woke up and realised what happened!_

"!#&?", who was really Pikario looked around. "Whoa... damn, I hate these kind of hangovers... What the... **HEY!** Man, did I pass out or what? Wait... **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

_Pikario also noticed that he was very shadowy and dark and stuff! It seemed that his body had been stolen! And the Ruby Crystal Star and his friends! But Pikario mostly only cared for the Ruby Crystal Star, for it was the only thing that could get Peach back! So, completely pissed and annoyed, he made his way back to Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town!_

_

* * *

_

_Meanwhile, back in the Town of 6:47pm!_

**_"MWEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!_** Yes, the time has come! We shall _really _kill him this time!" Beldam laughed crazily!

**"GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!" **Marilyn said, very unsmartly!

"Hmmm hmm hmmm hmmm..." Vivian giggled! "Yes, we shall, Sis!"

Beldam slapped her! "Shut up! Get out our Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb so we can kill Pikario!"

"...huh?" Vivian was confused!

"...Vivian..." Beldam growled.

"Huh?"

"Where's our Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb?" Beldam gritted her teeth!

"...But I don't have it! Really! Sis, you have it!"

Beldam slapped her again! **_"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL! _**Now we can't kill Pikario! **THAT'S JUST FUCKING GREAT!"**

"But..." Vivian started crying! "_Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..."_

"No buts! You find that thing, or else! Come, Marilyn! Let us go do something fun so that Vivian can wallow in her own self pity and shit! **MWEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!"**

**"GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!"** Marilyn agreed!

_Then, they, like, disappeared into the ground and stuff! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!_

A tear fell from Vivian's unseen eyes! "That's mean, Sis..."

* * *

_Meanwhile, Pikario stomped back to Town, pissed at !#&? for taking his body like that! The nerve! Then, **BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_ _!#&? jumped through the background, ripping it up like the paper it was!_

Pikario got mad! "Hey, man! Don't do that shit! Crap like that costs us money, something that I don't like to pay!"

**_"SILENCE! I AM MARIO AND I CAN MAKE YOU SUCK ME! NOW, FIGHT!"_ **!#&? roared!

Pikario left the scene! "I'm out, man..."

!#&? was mad! _"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... **DAMN!" **_

**_

* * *

_**

_Meanwhile, once again! Vivian looked around for the Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb that was very lost!_

"Oh no... I'll never find it now... Beldam will kill me..." she sighed.

_Then Pikario just happened to walk by! Vivian saw him and asked him for help!_

"Oh, please, Mr. Shadowy Guy Who Looks Like a Pikachu, But Probably Isn't! Help me find something that my sister lost! Pleaseeeeeeeeeee?" she pleaded.

**_"FEH!"_** Pikario spat, stomping off again!

_He then promptly tripped over the Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb that was somewhere in the bushes! Yay! Vivian's ass is saved!_

"Oh, my! The Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb!" Vivian was happy!

_But then she found out that the damn thing was broken... Well, if that ain't the shit..._

"Oh, dear! It's broken!" Vivian freaked out!

"Once again...**_FEH!"_** Pikario spat again!

"...well, then... That's that! Beldam's not going to punish me this time, because I quit!" Vivian decided!

"Uh huh..." Pikario mumbled.

"Anyway, thanks for finding it for me! But you look troubled! What's wrong with you?" Vivian asked.

"**_Oh, I DON'T KNOW!_** Maybe because I'm horny, my girlfriend got stolen, I can't find the thing the get her back, all my friends are brainwashed, and to top it all off, my identity was stolen!" Pikario vented angrily!

"Aw, I'm so sorry! Maybe I can help you out! You helped me!" Vivian suggested.

"Whatever... it's better than nothing..." Pikario sighed.

**_Vivian Became a Part of Pikario's Party! She's His Fifth New Partner! Yay!_**

_**Name:** Vivian_

_**Gender:** Female_

_**Pokémon:** Misdreavus_

_**Attitude:** Modest/Cute!_

_**Ability:** Hiding Pikario by pulling him into the shadows with her! AWESOME!_

_**Met At:** Holycrapits6: 47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town!_

_Vivian... is... so... **CUTE!** She's the Authoress' favorite partner (next to Goombella/Pikella)! She can hide in the shadows and take Pikario and his other friends with her! Yay! She can also use her Will-O-Wisp attack to set Pokémon on fire! And who doesn't like setting helpless Pokémon ablaze? Huh? HUH? **HUUUUUUUUUH?** Evil staff members of the P.T.A.! That's who! Suck it, bitch! Vivian is also cursed with the fact that she was born as a boy **AND **a girl, causing controversy and shit between Japan and the USA! And who doesn't like controversy between those two? **MADNESS! WAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

**_And That's All You Basically Need to Know About Your Parnter!_**

Vivian gave Pikario a kiss! "Hmm hmm hmmmm!"

Pikario was outraged! **_"WHAT THE HELL? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, DOING STUFF LIKE THAT OUT HERE IN THE OPEN?"_**

"Well, it's just a sign of love, that's all!" Vivian begged to differ!

"Well, don't do it anymore! Only my girlfriend can do that to me... in certain spots..." Pikario mumbled outloud.

Vivian blushed. "Okay, then..."

"Well, now what the hell are we supposed to do?" Pikario asked.

"Well, I kinda sorta have an idea! I can use my special powers to spy on those Murkrow over there and see what they know!" Vivian said.

Pikario made a face. "And how the hell can a bunch of stupid Murkrow tell us something?"

Vivian led Pikario over to some Murkrow in a tree. "They just pretend to be stupid! They actually know a lot of stuff!"

_Pikario, at this point, was ready to try anything, so he and Vivian hid in the shadows and listened to the "stupid" Murkrow gossip!_

"So, anyway," one said. "You hear about _Pokémon: Diamond & Pearl Version _coming out on the DS?"

The other one nodded. "Yeah, dude! What's next? _Pokémon: Peaches & Cream? Pokémon: Cookies & Milk? Pokémon: Peanut Butter & Jelly? Pokémon..."_

The first one slapped him! "Dude, shut up!"

"And what about that Gastly guy named Doopliss? He totally sucks!" a third added!

"Yeah! That bitch is costing us big bucks from Nintendo! He keeps tearing up the background for no reason! He needs to stop!" the first said!

"Yeah! I say... **_WE GO POOP ON SOMEONE'S CAR FOR REVENGE!"_**

The others agreed! **_"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_**

_And with that, the "stupid" Murkrow left to do just that! Coming out of the shadows, Vivian looked at Pikario!_

"'They just pretend to be stupid! They actually know a lot of stuff!' My ass they do!" Pikario fumed.

Vivian sweatdropped. "Well, they told us about that guy you're looking for, right?"

_Pikario couldn't argue over that, so they went back to the trail to Teh Freeky Creepy Steeple! But then, **BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!** !#&? jumped through the background again and ambushed the two!_

_**"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!** _What the hell?" !#&? asked, confused.

"Is this the guy that stole your identity?" Vivian asked.

"Well, I don't know! He looks like me, so, yeah! Maybe he did!" Pikario said, sarcastically!

"Hey! Fight me now, damn it! I'll win because I have no name! **_MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_ **!#&? boasted!

"Actually, you do. It's Doopliss, is it not?" Pikario said, smiling.

Doopliss then went **_MAD! "W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW? HOW?" _**

Pikario sweatdropped. "Dude... chill..."

**_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_** Doopliss then ran all the way back to Teh Freeky Creepy Steeple!

* * *

_And so, **IT BEGAN!** Pikario and Vivian chased Doopliss all the way back to Teh Freeky Creepy Steeple! They had to fight some dumb Boos that kept moving the staircases around! Thank goodness that Vivian was there to... do something that confused the Boos and helped Pikario get upstairs!_

Seeing Pikario again, Doopliss totally freaked out! **_"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" W-W-W-W-W-W-?"_**

**_"DUDE, SHUT THE FUCK UP! WE GET IT ALREADY!"_** Pikario shouted!

Doopliss turned to Pikario's friends! "Damn! Well, in that case... Let's go get that chump who dares pretend that he's Pikario! Everyone knows it's me! Right?"

Pikella nudged Doopliss! "Yes, Pikario! I know he's the fake because he obviously doesn't know how to love me like you do!"

Dooplis nudged her back! **_"THAT'S RIGHT!"_**

**_"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" _**Pikario stuck his tongue out!

"Huh?" Vivian was confused!

"Dude! You **_KNOW _**I'm the real Pikario! I don't do shit like that!" Pikario rampaged!

Flurrie chuckled! "Why, darling! This **_IS_** Pikario! He gave me a nice, sweet kiss on my lovely lips!"

"...you bitch..." Pikario growled.

Crusher waved around some money! "Yeah! And he gave me at least 4,983,948,390 dollars!"

Pikario was outraged! **_"WHAT?"_**

"And he helped me in getting over my fear of love-making by telling me all about the Pidgeys and the Beedrills!" Squirt exclaimed!

Pikario tapped his foot in anger! "You mean 'the birds and the bees', you dumbass!"

Vivian gasped! "What? You mean... I've been helping **_Pikario_** all this time?"

Pikario looked at Vivian! "Damn, are you dumb or just plain stupid?"

Vivian was shocked! "But... but... Pikario is the guy Beldam was looking for... and I helped him?"

Pikario sighed. "I thought you left her!"

"I did... but still... Oh, I'll never do anything right! I'm such a failure..." Vivian started crying!

Doopliss raised his hand.**_ "ENOUGH! _**This foolishness ends now!"

Pikario also agreed! "Damn you to the ends of the earth! I'll kill you for making me wait for sex, bitch!"

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! PIKARIO'S GONNA DO SOMETHING NOW! UH OH!_**

Pikella threw her Tattle Log at Pikario, hitting him the eye!

"What the hell?" Pikario screeched!

**_"That's what you get for pretending to be my boyfriend, you overgrown oaf!"_** Pikella shouted, waving her fist. "Only the real Pikario loves me for me! Right, Pikario?"

"Yes, and you ain't bad in bed, either!" Doopliss added, making very rude gestures with Pikella!

"Pikella, you know I've never liked you! Think, woman!" Pikario begged the female Pikachu to listen to him!

Pikella turned away in a huff! "You used to be like that, but the last 2 weeks have been wonderful for us! You've gotten much nicer, so I know that you're the fake!"

Pikario frowned! "Okay, time to bring out the big guns!"

Doopliss sweatdropped. "Huh?"

_Pikario used the Diamond Crystal Star! **Sweet Treat!** Candy flew all over the stage!_

Crusher snorted. "That's all?"

"No! I'm not done!" Pikario retorted.

_Pikario used the Emerald Crystal Star!** Clock Out!** Doopliss and company can't move for the next 3 turns!_

"HEY! You can't do that! It was our turn!" Squirt whined!

_Just then, **POOF!** Vivian appeared on stage next to Pikario!_

"What the hell?" Pikario wondered.

"Pikario, I've decided to become your partner now!" Vivian exclaimed!

"You're already my partner!" Pikario rolled his eyes.

Vivian sweatdropped. "Oh, yeah... oops..."

Doopliss wiggled around in his unmoving state! "Hey, hey, hey! Look! We have 2 more turns to go, then I'll cream you and the whore behind you!"

"Shut up!" Pikario said, looking at Squirt!

Squirt got scared! "Uh oh..."

_Pikario used Thunder on Squirt! It's Super Effective!_

_Squirt fainted!_

Doopliss frowned! "Hey! What was that for?"

_Look! A random Boo in the audience threw a Boo Sheet at Vivian! Yay! Boo Sheets are the best! And so is Vivian! Yay! _

_Vivian used Shadow Ball on Flurrie! It's Super Effective! _

_Flurrie fainted!_

"Man, you guys are weaker than I thought!" Pikario chuckled!

"Just wait 'til next turn! I'll show you who's boss!" Doopliss growled!

_Pikario used the Emerald Crystal Star!** Clock Out!** Doopliss and company can't move for the next 48,394 turns!_

_**"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?** That's not fair!" _Doopliss wailed.

_Vivian used Shadow Ball on Crusher! Critical Hit!_

_Crusher fainted!_

"Pikario, we're losing! Oh, my god! We're actually losing!" Pikella began to cry, still unable to move her body! "If we die, I just want to say that I love you more than life itself, okay?"

"This is insane!" Doopliss started crying, too!

_Pikario used Quick Attack on Pikella! _

_Pikella fainted... somehow!_

_Vivian used a **Stylish **Shadow Ball on Doopliss! It's Super Effective **AND **a Critical Hit!_

_Doopliss fainted!_

**_EXIT BATTLE MODE! NOW, WHO FEELS LIKE PLAYING SOME RANDOM POKéMON RPG GAME?_**

Vivian turned to Pikario. "Hey, Pikario! I did a **_Stylish_** move!"

Pikario twirled his finger around. "Whoop dee damn doo..."

_Doopliss fell on the ground and dropped the Ruby Crystal Star! And gave Pikario his body back! And his friends weren't brainwashed anymore! And the cow jumped over the moon!_

**"GYAHH!** You guys aren't fun! You hurt Super Mario! **WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"** Doopliss ran away crying!

Pikella looked around. "Huh? Pikario?"

"Damn, I guess you were right," Crusher said.

**_"...My life is a spiraling turmoil of the hatred that has been bestowed upon me!"_** Squirt shouted, for no apparent reason!

"Oh ho ho! Flurrie, you silly girl! How could you not tell the real Pikario from the fake?" Flurrie giggled to herself, somewhat amused at the whole thing!

"Just fucking great! I've got my shit back, so let's get the hell outta here!" Pikario suggested.

"But, Pikario, what about that Shadow Siren? Why is she here?" Pikella asked.

Pikario looked at Vivian. "Oh, her? She's just some Shadow thing that I found. She's in the group now, so no buts!"

Vivian brought the Ruby Crystal Star over to Pikario. "Um... yeah... about that, Pikario..."

"What, now?" Pikario huffed!

Vivian looked freaked! "Well, you see... I'm... um, well... kinda...um, it's like...well, uh...?"

Pikario stomped the ground! **_"DAMN IT, PEACH IS WAITING! SPIT IT OUT, ALREADY!"_**

"I'm not really a girl..."

Pikario raised his ears. "What?"

"Um, I'm kinda...bisexual..." Vivian said! **_GASP!_**

"...?" Pikella said!

"...!" Flurrie said!

"...&" Squirt said!

Pikario slapped Squirt! "Stop being stupid! It's starting to piss me off!"

Vivian dropped the Ruby Crystal Star! "You must hate me now!"

"What, are you kidding? We have a bisexual person on our team! That be bitchin'!" Pikario laughed.

"I thought you hated bisexuals..." Crusher sighed.

"I do, but that doesn't mean can't have one on the team!" Pikario frowned, picking up the Ruby Crystal Star!

Pikella sighed. "Aw, I was just starting to like the other guy as Pikario..."

Pikario slapped her! "Shut up!"

Pikella said nothing, but she sure was thinking it!

**_TAAAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Pikario got the Ruby Crystal Star! His Star Power is Now 5! He Can Use the Attack "Art Attack"! YAY!_**

1234567123456712345671234567**_EnD oF ChApTEr!_**1234567123456712345671234567

* * *

_After all that mess, Pikario's probably going to be spending a pretty long time trying to figure out what the hell happened! Oh, well! He got the Ruby Crystal Star, so he's happy! YAY! Now he only has 3 more to go and then... **SEX! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

**_Peach's Event!_**

_Peach walked into TEC's room and greeted him!_

"Hi, TEC! Lovely day, huh?" she said, stupidly!

"When you're trying to take over the Pluto, no day is ever lovely! **_MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"_** TEC laughed!

Peach smiled! "Okay!"

"And now a quiz! What's your name?" TEC asked!

"Oh, man... this is a hard one..." Peach was conflicted!

**_"TICK TOCK! TICK TOCK! TIME'S UP!"_** TEC informed her!

"Um... Peach?" the Raichu asked.

**"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"** TEC said!

Peach jumped up and down! "Yay!"

"Next Question! Do boogers smell good?" TEC asked.

Peach scratched her head! "Um, I think so…"

"Correct!" TEC boomed! "Question #3! The sky is green! True or false?"

Peach knew this one! "True!"

"That's wrong, but I like you, so it's right!" TEC said!

Peach was ecstatic! "Yay!"

"Now, go back to your room! You smell like peaches!" TEC demanded.

"Yay! I smell like peaches! I'm so happy, TEC!" Peach danced around happily, then left the room!

"Good night, my little computer printer, full of paper…" TEC whispered!

* * *

**_Bowser's Event! _**

_Bowser and Kammy were in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard! Congrats to them! _

"I think we have to go to Glitzville Shitsville now, my lord!" Kammy said!

"Fine then! I shall!" Bowser also said!

_Kammy went over to the blimp thingy and stole it, while Bower decided to ride around in his Koopa Clown Car thingy! Along the way to Glitzville Shitsville, they decided to have a race, which they did! Bowser was beating Kammy's ass, too, until his Koopa Clown Car thingy started acting up, causing him crash into the ocean! Then, Bowser was bored! He used some special power to tap into the world of Super Mario Bros. again, so he swam around for a bit, killed some Bloopers, ate some meat, and killed some stupid X-Nauts who thought it would be a nice day for a swim! Unfortunately, he ended up back in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard, with Kammy successful in reaching Glitzville Shitsville! _

"My lord! What are you doing back here? I looked all over for you in the club! They were playing Bingo, for god's sakes! Why weren't you there?" Kammy waved her wand around!

"Maybe because I crashed and you didn't even stop to help me!" Bower grumbled!

"Uh…" Kammy sweatdropped!

And that is the end of something that probably didn't even happen! And if it did, then… **_EAT YOUR COOKIES AND LIKE THEM, TOO! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

_**

_**Authoress' Notes:** Whew! Finally! Sorry for the delay; shit came up. And yes, the ending was very unnecessary... As far as the rest of the story goes, I wanted to add a little more detail to the fighting just to see what happens. Unfortunately, it slows the story down, so I might not do it much. And for the uninformed, yes, Vivian **IS **a guy... at least in Japan, anyway. Apparently, the US thought that was too creepy, so they changed Vivian into a girl and improvised on the spot! HAHA! Notice how when Vivian kisses Mario, she does it differently than everyone else? That's because they added that part in! ...At least **I HOPE** they did, for Mario's sake... _


	6. 5: The Condom to the Dead Pirate Guys!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Time for Chapter 5, people! BTW, Ms. Mowz/Rwatt won't join the group until the beginning of next Chapter. This is mostly because a) I'm too lazy to write it out right now and b) I want there to be at least one new partner every chapter. Anymore would confuse a lot of people and I don't feel like hearing any complaints right now.

* * *

_

**College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!**

**Chapter 5:** The Condom to the Dead Pirate Guys!

* * *

_Everybody had regrouped back in Holycrapits6:47andtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town to say their goodbyes and shit!_

"Well," Dour started. "Thanks for saving out town and stuff, Pikario! Are you sure you don't wanna stay? We commit satanic acts every 5 minutes and someone usually dies!"

"When I get the dirty stuff done with my girlfriend, we'll be sure to come back and try that," Pikario promised.

Dour looked confused, then winked at Pikario. _"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the dirty... gotcha._ In that case, take your time!"

_Squirt look absolutely horrified! Get it? Absol? Absolutely? Dour's an Absol?_ _AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyway, everybody went back to Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers to get the Star shit done. There was shining, bling-blinging, glittering, and sparkling! Yay! After that, they went to Prof. Franklyidunno's to get the scoop on where they were going!_

Franklyidunno bungee-jumped off his roof! **_"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT!"_**

Everybody watched him crash into some trash cans, then asked eagerly, "What? What is it?"

Franklyidunno sat up and looked at the map! "I just realized it! This fucking rope's too fucking short! I can't jump off the Grand Canyon with this piece of shit!"

Vivian sighed, "Um, we mean the map, Professor."

**_"I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! AND YOU BETTER SHUT UP, YOU BISEXUAL FREAK! YEAH, I KNOW IT, TOO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" _**Franklyidunno shouted.

Vivian sweatdropped. "Um, Okay..."

"Anyway, this map says that the next Star is on Kill-All Key and it's called the Sapphire Crystal Star! But I've heard that Kill-All Key is full of pirates, ghosts, pirate ghosts, _**AND**_ ghost pirates!" Franklyidunno pointed out.

Pikario shrugged. "Big whoop. Let's just go and get this shit done! Pirates are just retards, cutting off their own limbs with their own swords and using half of their ship to replace them!" He snatched the map and ran off, everyone else following him!

_Since Kill-All Key was an island out in the middle of God-knows-where, the first place to look for a boat would be the pier! But there was no boat, just the same Pokémon walking around like always. Pikario and the others tried looking all over the place! They even tried to swim there and were almost eaten by a Wailord, no thanks to Squirt, as it was his harebrained idea! They eventually ended up back in the bar, wondering what to do! Then, Chuigi appeared out of nowhere with Torque the Buzzy Beetle behind him! _

"Dude! I went to Gimmea Break Island and I was in a race! Wanna hear about it?" Chuigi asked.

"Urge... to kill... little brother... is rising..." Pikario struggled with himself, twitching very badly, I might add!

"Stop being so mean! Let him tell his little story! He's such a cutie-wutie!" Vivian said, with hearts floating around her head!

Pikella shook her head. "If only you knew..."

Chuigi made a face. "What the hell? Pikario, you have a bisexual following you around? That's insane **_AND_** stupid! And I like it!" Chuigi beamed.

Vivian instantly got depressed. "Oh, come on! How can you guys tell? It's not that obvious, is it?"

Chuigi ignored Vivian. "Dude, it was totally off the wall! I can't remember what I did exactly, but I was riding in this sweet car and I kicked everyone's ass! Sweet, huh?"

Pikario twitched! "Urge... to kill... little brother... is still rising..."

Chuigi scoffed. "Whatever, dude."

"Chuigi, you know that's not true! You were in my go-kart and you totally trashed it! I ain't leaving until you pay me back that fee!" Torque bellowed at the surprised Chuigi!

Chuigi frowned. "What fee? Last I remember, you _**lent**_ me that ride! It's not my fault it crashed!"

"You had it in 'Reverse', so it **_IS_** your fault, dumbass!" Torque grumbled! "The only reason you won was because the race was called off, since the racers thought you died from crashing into that wall backwards! Everybody was disqualified except you!"

"Look, I won the Compass Piece Thingy, so who cares?" Chuigi retorted.

"**_I_** care! That thing cost me 57,845,954 bucks and you're paying every cent back!" Torque demanded!

_Not feeling sorry for Chuigi or Torque, Pikario joined his friends at another table._

Crusher frowned at a nearby Meowth, singing some disfigured song from hell! "Man, why won't that guy over there shut up already?"

**_"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! BASSA BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! FESTIVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL! TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAA!"_** the Meowth continued.

"Hey, man! We're trying to figure out how to get to Kill-All Key over here, but I might be killing you soon if you don't shut the hell up!" Pikario threatened, throwing a beer at bottle at the Meowth!

The Meowth dodged it, then sat up! "Kill-All Key, you say? Well, the great Flavio has been thinking about traveling the world because Flavio is so damn bored! I might be able to take you to Kill-All Key, since I hear there's treasure there!"

Flurrie chuckled. "Well, that was easy."

"Just meet me in the harbor! I don't know how, but a grand ship that is very big and mine should be there waiting for us to sail in it!" Flavio said, then sped off to the harbor/pier thingy!

* * *

_Just like Flavio said, there was a big ship in the harbor and there were Sailor Bob-ombs all over the place and some Shroomishes, an Electrode, and Lord Crump was there in a crappy disguise! Oh, have mercy on our common senses!_

Pikario looked at the ship! "Now where the hell did this shit come from? We were just here, like, 2 minutes ago!"

Flavio boasted! "Nice, huh? She cost me well over 4,578,587,495,834,905,845,940,854,956,895,069,806..."

"We get the idea!" Crusher interrupted!

"Well, anyway! We would be sailing right now, but there is a slight problem! I can't steer this thing because, as you can probably see, there is no steering wheel!" Flavio sighed. "In order to steer a ship that has no wheel, you would need an expert at steering ships without steering wheels!"

"But that's impossible! No matter how good you are, you can't steer something without a wheel!" Vivian pointed out.

"Oy! Ise knows of the great Admiral 'obbery 'ho could steer this thing wit' 'is oyes closed, 'e sure bloody could!" Pa-Patch said, in his strange accent that was obviously fake!

"Perfect! The Pikachu is the captain now, so you go and find this 'obbery!" Flavio demanded!

Pikario frowned. "Damn it!"

"Oy! It's **_'OBBERY!" _**Pa-Patch corrected!

"That's what I said!" Flavio argued!

"No, 'ou said, 'obbery!" Pa-Patch said!

**_"THE GREAT FLAVIO IS ANGRY AT YOU LIKE A MATH TEACHER WITH AN ABUNDANCE OF THE LETTER 'F'!"_** Flavio barked!

* * *

_So, Pikario and his posse walked around for a bit, then found Bobbery's place! Needless to say, he was outraged at them for coming in!_

"I say! What's all this ruckus now?" he demanded.

"Um, we're looking for this guy named Bobbery. We need him to steer a ship. Ever seen him?" Squirt asked.

"No!" Bobbery pushed everybody out the door and slammed it behind them!

"Oh, well," Vivian sighed. "I guess that wasn't him..."

Pikario slapped his forehead! **_"OF COURSE THAT WAS HIM, IDIOT!"_**

**_

* * *

_**_Unsure of what to do next, the gang went back to Flavio!_

"You say this 'obbery's not coming?" he asked.

**_"IT'S 'OBBERY!"_** Pa-Patch corrected again!

"Yeah, whatever. Just go and find something! I don't know! Try the bar!" Flavio suggested, pushing them off the boat!

* * *

_Much to Pikario's dismay, the gang went to bar to look for... something!_

Podley walked up to Pikario, polishing a glass. "Want a wet one, man?"

"No, I want this dumb sailor guy to get us to this damn island!" Pikario mumbled.

"Yeah, have you ever heard of him? I think his name was Bobbery," Crusher said.

"Bobbery, huh? Well, he's not sailing anymore because his girl, Scarlette, died while he was out on the sea and he think it's his fault, but it's not. She even gave me this note that says it's not his fault!" Podley said outloud, as if the matter of Bobbery's personal business didn't matter to him! He gestured to a note on another table.

Flurrie picked up the note. "How sad! And you haven't given him this?"

Podley shook his head. "I'm stuck in this stupid pose, polishing this damn glass! Can you do if for me?"

"What are we? The fucking walking committee?" Pikario griped.

* * *

_So, they went back to Bobbery's place!_

Upon seeing them again, Bobbery was furious! **"I shall never again sail! Off with you!"**

"Just read the damn letter first! It's from your damn dead girlfriend!" Pikario growled, handing him the note!

"Scarlette?" Bobbery took the note and read it!

_There was a lot of sappy stuff from it about how much Scarlette wanted to see his face again and loved him ever so dearly and that she was in the clouds and the air and the sea's breeze and all that crap! Bobbery was touched!_

"If you'll excuse me a moment..." Bobbery said, going into his back room.

Pikella looked sad. "Aw, poor Bobbery. I feel his pain... he needs some time alone."

* * *

**_The Next Day!_**

"Hey, Pikella! Is 24 hours long enough for you?" Pikario asked, sarcastically.

"He's taking it hard, I'm sure..." Pikella sweatdropped.

Bobbery finally came out from the back, chuckling. "I am the master of Super Smash Bros. Melee!"

Pikario scowled. "What?"

Bobbery perked up, realizing that everyone was still standing around! "Oh! Um, I mean... _Oh, Scarlette, I'll always love you so much... You mean the world to me..."_

"Whatever! You've had enough time, so let's go!" Pikario shouted, pushing Bobbery and the others back to Flavio's ship!

* * *

_Once they got to the ship, Bobbery looked at it and decided to sail the damn thing! Everyone was very happy and someone even fell off the side of the harbor, proclaiming "I'm on board!" Bobbery said it would be about three days before they docked again, so everybody got their stuff done before the ship set off!_

Pikario dropped boxes and boxes of beer and wine into the cargo, along with some guns, bullets, his Nintendo DS, some games for it, and pizza! "Now, we're all set! Bring it on, Mother Nature, for nothing can topple the awesome lighting power of a DS!"

Pikella frowned. "Pikario, shouldn't you worry about more important things? Like me, for instance! In case you somehow forgot, I'm still pregnant, and as the father, you must attend to my needs."

Pikario shook his head. "Until you show me proof, I'm not lifting a finger for you! ...and even if they are mine, I tried to tell you to sleep on the floor, but **NOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

_Okay! After that and a lot of other shit was done, the S.S. Flavion set off for Kill-All Key, with Bobbery somehow moving the ship! How? We don't know!_

* * *

_**Month:** Whatever **Day:**_ _Who cares?_

_Today is the first day the S.S. Flavion, my ridiculously high-priced ship sets sail to Kill-All Key for treasure! Although, Capt. Pikario had the nerve to shoot down some Wingulls and Pelippers for some reason. And why does he have a gun? I think we ran over someone in the water, but who cares?_

_**Month:** Wouldn't You Like to Know? **Day:** You Tell Me; I Don't Know!_

_Today, nothing much happened, but I am very annoyed at my crew, who decided that today was a good day to get drunk, thanks to Capt. Pikario's idea. Fortunately, for myself and Bobbery, we are unaffected by this insane drinking binge and remain not intoxicated. Bobbery says that he isn't a real beer man (I know that's not true!), and I really don't prefer drinking while on board a vessel. Last time was bad enough..._

_**Month:** B947TYHFN4RH3RIGHKT9IVUJ! **Day:** 57re4jgmroigjmwiot4jwemvgit7uyhg!_

_Thank the stars that today is our last day on the sea! Bobbery says that we'll be on Kill-All soon, but I have come to the conclusion that all of my other crew members are critically insane! This is mainly because Capt. Pikario decided to set the sails ablaze and the others actually had the nerve to join in! After about an hour, we finally put them all out. Capt. Pikario is sure to be relieved of his post once we reach land!_

_**Month:** What is the Point of Time Anyway? **Day:** Time is Just an Annoying Reminder That You're Only Getting Older!_

_Yes! By morning, will be on Kill-All! I plan to spend my last night on the sea like I would my money in a jewelry store! Fast and cheap! It's the best way!_

Flavio closed his journal and cleared his throat. "Ah, yes! It is now time for me to spin another tale, no?"

"Yes, no!" a Bob-omb grumbled.

"If you insist!" Flavio boasted. "So there I was...!"

Pa-Patch hit the random Bob-omb. "Nice going, idiot! Now we 'ave to 'ear this shit again..."

"I say we get drunk," Pikario chuckled.

"No, Pikario! Once is bad enough!" Pikella lectured, trying to avoid watching Vivian and Squirt throw up over the side!

"Fine," Pikario yawned. "I'm going to sleep! Don't wake me up unless the booze is falling overboard, or something!"

"Ugh, I hope we get there soon..." Squirt mumbled.

Flurrie looked around. "Yes and we can live off the land like we were intended! Oh ho ho ho ho ho!"

'Four-Eyes' shrugged. "Crazy fat bitch..."

_Just then, the ship stopped moving! Uh oh!_

"Hey, uh, just whut the hell's goin' on here?" Pa-Patch wondered.

"Hey! This ship is supposed to be _**moving**_, not sitting on its ass in the middle of the fucking ocean!" a Shroomish shouted from the back!

"And then I said, 'Well, then! No more cookies for you until I get home, mister! Those are for all the very sad people in the world who don't have a Super Nintendo!' And then he said..." Flavio blabbed.

**_"'AVIO! THE SHIP AIN'T MOVIN'! WHY AIN'T THIS THING BLOODY MOVIN'?"_** Pa-Patch demanded, scaring Flavio!

"Well, it's Bobbery's job to keep it going, is it not?" Flavio asked.

"It's not working, mate!" Bobbery responded, not even doing anything!

"Ise ain't 'bout ta get stranded out 'ere!" Pa-Patch spouted, going to the top of the ship to look around!

_It was then that the stars and the moon decided to disappear and a Gastly tapped Pa-Patch on his nonexistent shoulder!_

"Yeah, yeah! I'm workin' 'ere!" Pa-Patch grumbled loudly, but the ghost tapped him again!

**_"OY! I SAID..."_** Pa-Patch turned around, then jumped down off the mast after what he saw!**_"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_**

"What, you vile thing, you? Did you see a cloud, or something? Perhaps it was only your feeble, little mind playing tricks on you..." Flavio sighed, annoyed.

_Just then, a lot of Gastlys and Haunters surrounded the ship and it was **MADNESS!**_

"_OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo!"_ the ghosts said!

_**"IT'S THE PIRATE GHOSTS OF KILL-ALL KEY! WE'RE GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"**_ a Bob-omb wailed!

Everybody ran around in a panic! _**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**_

_**"ABANDON SHIP!"**_

_**"IT'S TOO LATE!"**_

**_"OH NO!"_**

**_"DON'T FORGET TO BRUSH YOUR TEETH AFTER A MEAL!"_**

_Woken up by all the noise, Pikario stomped up to the upper deck, clearly irritated!_

"Pikario, quick! Do something! The ship is being taken over by ghosts and we can't stop them!" Crusher informed the sleepy Pikachu!

Pikario took out his gun cocked it. "Ghosts? No sweat!"

_He then proceeded to shoot the ghostly 'OoOoOoOoOo'ing things, missing every single one of them!_

"Captain! That thing ain't gonna work!" Pa-Patch called, still running around!

"I don't see you losers trying to do anything!" Pikario growled, still shooting away!

_At one point in the melee, Squirt tripped and ran into Pikario, causing him to drop the gun! **ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!** The trigger of the gun got stuck and bullets went flying everywhere!_

Pikario was in shock! "Damn it! What the hell?"

Squirt hid in his shell! "I'm sorry, Pikario!"

_So, there they were: In a ship, in the middle of the ocean, with no land in sight and it was very, very dark! They were ghosts haunting the S.S. Flavion, the ship wouldn't move, the crew was in a frenzy, and there was a gun out of control and shooting bullets all over the place! Well, it's times like this where you have to stop and think to yourself "Man! I just know things can't get any worse than this!" **AND YOU'D BE WRONG!**_

Flavio waved his arms around in an attempt to stop the chaos! _**"LISTEN, EVERYONE! IF YOU COULD JUST FORM AN ORDERLY LINE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SHIP, I'M SURE WE'LL BE FINE! AND REMEMBER NOT TO TAKE CANDY FROM STRANGERS SO THEY'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE!"**_

_Then, the ship started sinking! There goes your "Man! I just know things can't get any worse than this!" idea!_

_**"FORGET THIS CRAP! METANG OVERBOARD!"**_ 'Four Eyes' shouted, jumping off!

"Oh, come on! What's a little water? The island is like, what? Two, maybe, three miles away?" Flavio asked Bobbery!

"It's 15 miles..." Bobbery sighed.

"Oh..." Flavio responded, as the skip was consumed by ghosts and water!

* * *

_**Month:** Where Are We Going With This? **Day:** All the Way to Hell_

_After last night, I see that I am not the only survivor of this mishap! This is good and bad at the same time. Good, because most of our cargo survived, and bad, because my crew is full of a bunch of loons and crack addicts! Honestly! I see that only Capt. Pikario, his friends, and 5 of my members have survived. I am lost as to what happened to the others, including 'obbery. I lament sadly over their deaths._

Flavio dusted himself off! "I say! Fortune shines down upon Flavio like it does on this beautiful world everyday!"

"Oy! Shut up, 'avio! This sucks an' 'ou know it!" Pa-Patch spat!

"Well, excuse me for trying to look on the bright side! You frightful thing, you're lucky to be here after what Pikario did..." Flavio shot him a dirty look!

Pikario perked up!**_ "WHAT?"_**

"You know what! Pikario, you killed more than half of the crew!" Flavio pointed to random dead Shroomish and Bob-ombs floating in the water and on the beach!

Pikario slurped down some beer. "Squirt made me drop the gun!"

**_"I NEED HELP!"_** Squirt bawled, falling to his knees!

* * *

_**Month:** Leave Me Alone! **Day:** Away You Go!_

_Day 2, and we still have not found any others! I feel this will soon turn into a game of "Survivor"! Oh, perish the thought! I told Capt. Pikario that he was no longer the captain, but he retorted with some awful mess about how he's the master and something about sucking... Absurb is all I can say! Absolutely absurd!_

Pikario sucked down his 10th bottle of beer as everyone else worked to make his tent! "Now, put that there and this over here!"

Pikella waddled up to Pikario, holding her stomach. "Pikario!"

_**"WHAT?"**_ Pikario threw his empty bottle of booze in the water!

"What are you doing? You need to be helping make tents for everybody, not the other way around!" she scolded!

Pikario opened another bottle of booze. "Look, I'm the captain, so what I say goes!"

"Flavio doesn't want you to be captain anymore! He told me to tell you that because you totally flipped him off!" Pikella said!

_**"HEY! NO! NO! NO! I SAID PUT THE GAMECUBE BESIDE THE SUPER NINTENDO, NOT BEHIND IT!"**_ Pikario barked at Pa-Patch!

"Also, Pikario, I think I felt the baby kick! Want to feel?" Pikella asked, rubbing her stomach.

"Maybe later, I'm too busy trying to be captain!" Pikario responded, turning away!

"Oh, boy..." Pikella, irritated that Pikario didn't like her as much as she liked him!

* * *

_**Month:** BOOMSHAKALAKALAKA **Day:** Mine Are Numbered!_

_The small camp we have made seems have to become Capt. Pikario's own personal base! I swear, will I ever understand this Pikachu? He is, by far, the most outlandish Pikachu I've ever met! I shan't write more, in fear that he will shoot or burn my beloved journal!_

_Pikario sat in his tent, along with the other partners, while Pa-Patch and a Shroomish cooled them off with some fans made from palm leaves!_

"Oy! Captain! Aren't 'ou gonna do something for the crew? 'ou've been 'oing nothin' but relaxin' ever since we crashed 'ere!" Pa-Patch said.

"The retarded cyclops is right! Get up and help us build other tents, for god's sakes!" Flavio complained, getting a dirty look from Pa-Patch!

"NO! The Captain is tired! FAN FASTER!" Pikario commanded!

"Hey, C.K.! It's been three days, man! Do you think we should start looking for the Sapphire Crystal Star?" Crusher asked.

Pikario sat straight up, spitting his martini all over Squirt! **_"MY GOD! 3 DAYS? WHAT WAS I THINKING? TIME HAS GOTTEN FREE OF MY GRASP!"_**

"I'm surprised. I thought nothing gets between you and sex," Pikella comented cooly.

Pikario walked out, with everyone expect Pikella following. "Zip it! I got caught up in the moment, that's all! Now, get up! You're coming, too!"

Pikella scowled. "Pikario, I'm pregnant and in no condition to be walking around in the jungle like this! I'm staying here and these other guys can pamper me instead of you!"

**_"FINE!"_** Pikario stomped off!

Flavio shook his head. "Well, if that isn't..."

Pikella snapped her fingers. "Come on! Come on! Fans, please!"

"Oy, and 'ou said the captain was a nag..." Pa-Patch whispered to a Shroomish!

* * *

_And now it's time for the stupid game of 'Survivor'! How fun for everyone! Aside from that, Pikario and partners went on through the thick jungle, sweating, coughing up blood, and using their urine to mark every other tree they came in contact with! ...Okay, so the last part isn't really true, but the point is that they eventually came to a bridge and saw Bobbery fighting some Gastlys! He was with 'Four Eyes' and a very unimportant random Shroomish!_

"Look! It's Bobbery!" Vivian pointed out!

"Look! It's Capt. Pikario!" the unimportant Shroomish remarked!

**"I SAY!** I can't keep up the good fight for much longer! These ghastly things will kill us all, so **_GO! GO AND SAVE YOURSELVES!"_** Bobbery bellowed, throwing 'Four Eyes' and the unimportant Shroomish to safety and running off with the Gastlys!

"Wow, that was so brave!" Vivian sighed.

"Dude, what a sacrifice!" Crusher added.

"Why are we all standing around like a bunch of idiots? I'm gettin' outta here!" 'Four Eyes' grabbed the unimportant Shroomish and ran back to camp!

* * *

_Despite 'Four Eyes' running away, Pikario continued on! A few stupid ghosts weren't going to stop him from getting what he wanted! Maybe a few martinis and a relaxing vacation would, but not some stupid ghosts! Sooner or later, Pikario came across a tree with Gastlys circling around it! It was too far to sse up, but Bobbery could be heard screaming at the ghosts!_

_**"OH, THE PAIN OF IT ALL! YOU SCUMBAGS! HOW DARE YOU TEAM UP ON ME? I HAVE SOME SERIOUS ISSUES TO BE DEALT WITH, SO OFF YOU GO! BUT YOU WON'T LEAVE, WILL YOU? NO... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**_ Bobbery howled, delusional!

**"SHUT UP ALREADY!"** Pikario shouted, banging the Gastlys and the tree with his Hammer!

_The Gastlys ran away and Bobbery fell out of the tree, all the while screaming "**YOU'RE NOT GETTING MY POTATO CHIPS TODAY, MR. SOCK!"**_

"Oh, Bobbery! Are you okay?" Vivian gasped.

"...Oh, Captain Pikario... **_HAAAACK!_** Thank... thank the stars... you're here..." Bobbery coughed.

"Yeah, what?" Pikario asked.

"I'm... glad you were... GAH, able... to let me... GOOMBA see the sea... one more... HOOPLA... time..._**HAAAAAAAAAACK! PBBBBBBBBBBBPHT!"** _Bobbery spat, obviously starting to go insane!

Pikario sweatdropped. "Dude, chill..."

"Heh heh... I'll be with... Scarlette now... GIYAHH! ...farewell... Captian..." Bobbery whispered!

"Uh, Admiral Bobbery?" Squirt asked.

_"Oh, Scarlette..."_ Bobbery wheezed!

Vivian gasped. "Is he...?"

"Could he...?" Flurrie gasped.

"He just might be..." Crusher gasped!

_"...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."_ Bobbery said!

_The whole group sweatdropped!_

Pikario whacked Bobbery with his Hammer! _**"GET UP!"**_

**"P-P-PIRATES! WHERE ARE THEY? THOSE SCUMS STOLE MY TOOTHBRUSH!"** Bobbery shouted, alarmed!

Crusher sweatdropped. "Eh?"

Bobbery then noticed Pikario. "Captain? You're dead, too? **CAPITAL!** Quick! Let's go get my toothbrush from those blasted pirates!"

"He's not dead! You went to sleep, dude!"Crusher said.

Bobbery looked disappointed. "Oh, really, now? Oh. Hmm. Well. Yes. Of course... I guess not."

"What? Did you want to die, or something?" Pikario asked, smirking!

"Of course not! I was only wondering if I could be a part of your chain of assistants! You know, to repay you for the letter and the sailing thing... Since I'm not dead, I can join you now!" Bobbery improvised!

Pikario shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat..."

Bobbery exploded! _**"VERY WELL, THEN!"**_

**_Admiral Bobbery Became a Part of Pikario's Party! He's His Sixth New Partner! Yay!_**

_**Name:** (Admiral) Bobbery_

_**Gender:** Male_

_**Pokémon:** Voltorb_

_**Attitude:** Hardy/Independent_

_**Ability:** Blowing Up Stuff! **HERE COMES DA BOOM!**_

_**Met At:** Kill-All Key_

_Admiral Bobbery is an old salty Bob-omb guy who likes to blow stuff up! Eh, who would've guessed? Anyway, he's also a sailor and sailors are cool, unlike pirates, who are stupid! Pikario can pick up Bobbery and throw him at stuff **OR **walk around with him, **THEN** throw him so he can walk around and blow up stuff! Isn't that just the coolest? Bobbery is a good man who, even though still lamenting his dead love Scarlette, can still pack a punch... and stuff! ...**HE BLOWS UP STUFF! ISN'T THAT JUST SO WICKED?**_

_**And That's All You Basically Need to Know About Your Partner!**_

_After going back to the camp with the others, everyone was happy that Bobbery was back! Surely he was a better leader than Pikario! Unfortunately, he only came to get Flavio to show him a strange cave they had seen near the edge of the island! Assuming they were about to do something stupid, Pikella tagged along while riding on Crusher! Now they were back at the rock thingy!_

"Why don't you just blow it up?" Pikario asked!

"Good idea!" Bobbery blew up the rock! And there was a cave! **YAY!**

"Well, that was fun, but I must be leaving! Make sure you bring back that tresure for Flavio!" the Meowth called, running back to the camp!

* * *

_Blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblah! They went into the Pirate's Ghetto and did stuff! They also saw the cute and adorable Bulky Bob-ombs! And the Authoress loves those things! They're so cute! Soon, they found a strange Black Box!_

"Not again..." Pikario moaned!

"Oh, look at that Box!" Vivian found a key and opened it!

_**"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."**_

"Yeah, yeah! Go ahead and curse me!" Pikario interrupted!

The Box shouted! "Hey! You cut me off! Just for that, _**I'LL CURSE YOU EVEN MORE!"**_

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

**_"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEE! NOW YOU CAN, LIKE, TURN INTO THIS BOAT THING AND FLOAT, EVEN THOUGH PAPER IS NOT GOOD WITH WATER! AND THE AUTHORESS HATES THIS MODE, SO THAT MAKES IT EVEN MORE AWFUL!_** Oh, yeah! And thanks for letting me do my thing! I'm really happy now that I got this off my chest!_ **HA! CHEST! GET IT?**_ **_HAHA_HAHAHA**HAHAHAHAhahahahahaha..." And he laughed and laughed until the laughing could be heard no more!

Vivian looked confused. "Aw, does this mean I can't keep the box?"

* * *

_Yaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayaddayadda! Pikario turned into a boat and sailed around and stuff! Then, he found some Shroomishes trapped on a ship and freed them, along with Frankie and Fransesca! What a surprise!_

"Yo, man! Tanks a lot, man! Ise owes ya one!" Frankie said!

"And I promise I won't rip off your penis now!" Fransesca added!

_And everyone was happy that Fransesca gave up her bad habit! **YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!** Afterwards, Pikario found a strange black ship! Going in he saw a whole shitload of loot!_

"Sweet! After all that walking this must be my reward!" Pikario started to grab some loot, but was rudely interrupted by a giant, evil floating snake head made of steel!

_**"OHMUHGAWD!"**_ Vivian gasped!

"Hey! Who let the snake head in here?" Pikario demanded!

The Steelix frowned! "Bien! Eso es! Yo me canso de esto 'la mierda de OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo'ing! Sé que usted tipos están después de mi tesoro, pero después de usted no lo obtiene sin una pelea! Entiende?" _1)_

Squirt was confused! "What'd he say?"

Pikario started laughing! "What the hell? This guy only speaks Spanish!"

Vivian giggled. "Well, that is kind of funny!"

"¿Qué es tan chistoso? **¿POR QUE se RIE USTED?** ¿Usted se atreve la risa en el gran Cortez! Esto no es un asunto que se ríe! **¡CALLEse EL INFIERNO ARRIBA!" **_2)_

Pikario stopped laughing and got serious! "Ok, that's enough! I'm asking this guy if he knows where the Star is because I need Peach in so many ways! Hé, vous! Je suis sûr que les ballons mangeront mes pantalon et volent à la lune de petit gâteau de mort! Là-bas, ils pèleront leurs bicyclettes du plafond et mangent les camions de la vache, mais je n'étais pas là-bas parce que la porcherie volant a dit que j'arrête et je n'ai pas été fait emballant même mes cadeaux pourtant!"_ 3)_

Cortez became enraged for some reason! **"¿QUE?** ¡Usted idiota! Usted habla** francés**, no español! Puedo ni le entiendo ya, usted retarda!" _4)_

"Oh, Pikario, you dashing man! I didn't know you could speak French!Ce n'est pas une telle belle langue?" Flurrie fawned over herself! _5)_

Pikario rubbed his head. "What? That was French? Damn..."

**"¡BASTANTES!** ¡Esta insentatez ahora termina! Le demostraré qué sucede cuando usted ensucia con Cortez, el rey de piratas! **MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**Cortez laughed!_ 6)_

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! WHO WILL WIN THIS FIGHT? I DON'T KNOW!_**

Pikella used Tattle! "That guy is Cortez, an evil, dead Steelix pirate that was once feared across the seas for taking treasure, sailing around in a black, scary ship, and stabbing innocent bystanders with his ridiculously sharps swords of different varieties!"

"¡Le mataría normalmente primero, pero esto es una lucha dar vuelta-basada! Maldígala!" Cortez groaned! _7)_

**_"I don't understand you!" _**Pikario roared!

_Pikario used the Ruby Crystal Star! **Art Attack!** Pikario drew a missile and tossed it at Cortez! It exploded upon impact!_

"¿Ahora, cuál el infierno era ése? Lastimó! Usted no puede hacer eso! ... puede usted?" Cortez was stunned! _8)_

_Crusher used Flamethower! It's Super Effective!_

Cortez pulled out, like, 4 different kinds of swords! "¡AY! Idiotas estúpidos! **MUERA!"** _9)_

_Cortez stabbed Crusher and used Crunch on Flurrie! _

_Crunch was Super Effective! Flurrie fainted! Crusher is in Peril!_

Pikario rolled his eyes! "Oh, come on! You guys are wimps! Do something!"

_Bobbery used Self-Destruct! It's not very effective... Bobbery fainted!_

**_"I MEAN SOMETHING SMART! WE'RE LOSING HERE!"_** Pikario shouted, stomping around! "Quick, Squirt! Use a Water attack! He's part ground, right?"

"Uh, ok..." Squirt mumbled!

_Squirt used Withdraw! Defense was raised by 1!_

**_"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO CARES IF THEY LOSE TO AN OVERGROWN GARBAGE DISPOSAL?"_** Pikario rampaged!

_**"¿La DISPOSICION CUBIERTA DE HIERBA de BASURA?"**_ Cortez repeated angrily! _10)_

_Cortez stabbed Vivian and slashed Pikella! Then he had the nerve to use Crunch on Pikario!_

_Just then, Crusher started glowing, then **POOF!** Congratulations, Crusher is now a Charmeleon! Oh, happy day!_

"How lucky was that?" Vivian giggled!

Pikella shrugged. "No comment..."

"Hey! Look, I'm scary-looking! **_GRR!"_** Crusher growled at Cortez, who drew back for some reason!

"¿Usted se atreve el gruñido en mí? Y usted no es **_ESO_ **espantoso! Mi mamá parece más espantoso que usted y mi papá hizo, también!" Cortez strangely boasted! _11)_

_Pikario used the Emerald Crystal Star! **Clock Out! IT DIDN'T WORK!**_

Pikario frowned. "What the hell?"

Cortez sighed. "¿Qué estaba con la bomba? Sus tonterías me confunden!"_ 12)_

_Crusher used Fire Blast! __It's Super Effective! Cortez fainted!_

**_EXIT BATTLE MODE! W00T FOR CRUSHER!_**

"¿Qué? Ah, sí... ¡Despida + mí no soy bueno! Yo kinda se olvidó eso, pero TODAVIA! Soy un fantasma, por lo tanto, usted no me puede matar porque estoy ya muerto! Y si usted me mató otra vez, entonces yo llegaría a ser undead, pero viviría todavía... sólo como un autómata, no un fantasma! Y autómatas no pueden morir cualquiera, así que en el fin, yo **GANO!** **¡MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"** Cortez laughed, as lightning flashed in the background! _13)_

"I don't know what you just said, but all we really want is the Sapphire Crystal Star, if you have it," Vivian said.

"¿Qué?" Cortez's head floated over to the Sapphire Crystal Star! "¿Esto? ESTO? ...Sure, cualquier. Odio el color azul, de todos modos." _14)_

Squirt scratched his head. "What'd he say?"

"If I didn't know when we first got here, what makes you think I'd know now?" Pikario growled, kicking Squirt in the head!

Cortez gave Pikario the Sapphire Crystal Star! "¡Lo toma! Tómelo y salga! Yo no quiero que nada más haga con usted y con sus bufonadas tontas!" _15)_

"Sometimes I feel like the things I do for sex are worth it," Pikario smirked, taking the Star!

**_TAAAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Pikario got the Sapphire Crystal Star! His Star Power is Now 6! He Can Use the Attack "Sweet Feast"! YAY!_**

_1234567123456712345671234567**EnD oF ChApTEr!**1234567123456712345671234567 _

_

* * *

_

_Now Pikario has **5 **Crystal Stars! Only 2 more to go, then Pikario will find Peach and they'll do what they do best! Yay! Cortez is now at peace (not really) and everyone is satisfied! But how will Pikario get off of Kill-All Key? Hmmmm... **PLOT THICKNESS!**_

**_

* * *

_**

_Leaving Cortez's ship, Pikario ran into Frankie, Fransesca, and the 1,854,958,498,958,340 stupid Shroomishes! _

"What was all that noise in there? Was someone having sex, or something?" Fransesca asked, worried.

"I wish! Now, how the hell do we get the hell out of here?" Pikario asked.

A Shroomish walked over to a hole in the wall! "All that noise cracked the wall and now we can get out! HOORAY! No more dark cave for us!"

_So, everybody ran out of Pirate's Ghetto, never to return! ...or will they? Upon reaching outside, they saw Flavio, Pa-Patch and the others all standing looking at something in the ocean!_

**BOOM!**

"What was THAT?" Flurrie asked, surprised!

Then, 'Four Eyes' appeared on a ship! **_"Buh! Buh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh! HACK! OW!_** Anyway, **FOOLS!** I have this giant, evil, spiky ship thingy that fires cannonballs! **WATCH!"**

_'Four Eyes' fired the cannon!_ **BOOM!**

"Hey, look! Four Eyes is so totally pimpin' with that evil, spiky ship of his!" a Shroomish shouted!

"Sweet! Hey, Four Eyes! Can you get me one of those!" another Shroomish added!

"I want one, too!" yet another Shroomish asked!

"Me, too!"

"Don't forget me!"

"What about me?"

"Can mine be purple?"

_**"SILENCE!"**_ 'Four Eyes' fired the cannon!

**BOOM!**

"Can I have one if I say 'please'?" some other Shroomish asked!

'Four Eyes' shook his fist! "NO! That's beacuse I'm really... Wait for it ...wait for it... wait for it..._** BOOM! LORD CRUMP! BUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH! COUGH!**_ Ouch, damn it..."

_GASP! Pikario and the others were shocked! No one even knew! Wooooooooooooooooooooooooow!_

"And now, I'm going to kill you and blow up this island for no apparent reason!" Crump fired the cannon!

**BOOM!**

"Oy! Now what are we gonna do?" Pa-Patch asked!

"It's a stupid idea, men, but we will fight to bitter end!" Flavio stated, actually sounding courageous this time!

"Oy! But 'ow are we gonna fight to the bitter end if we ain't gots a ship?" Pa-Patch questioned!

"Youse could ask dat Cortez guy! I tinks he's got a ship youse could use if youse asks!" Frankie suggested!

"Oh, Frankie! That's perfect!" Fransesca swooned!

"But you can't do that! He'll cream you! **_CUH-REE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM_** you!" a Shroomish warned!

"We have no choice! Pikario, if you want to get off this island alive, take me to Cortez!" Flavio demanded!

Pikario dragged Flavio with him as he ran! "Oh, hell, yeah!"

* * *

_Walking back into Pirate's Ghetto, Pikario led Flavio to Cortez's Black Skull, which is the name of his ship, by the way!_

_Lightning flashed in the background! **BOOM! CRASH! THUNDER! CRACK! STUFF!** Cortez's head appeared!_

_**"¡MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWAHAHAHAHAHA!**_ ¿Qué? Qué el infierno hace USTED aquí otra vez?" Cortez's head grunted! _16)_

Flavio cleaned out his ears. "What'd he say?"

"¡No este otra vez!" Cortez moaned! _17)_

"Hey, listen! We need your evil black ship thing so we can stop this other guy from trying to blow up this island for no apparent reason!" Pikario told Cortez!

Cortez's head huffed and turned away! "No, yo no me siento como la matanza hoy..." _18)_

"Okay! Okay! Then I will give you this!" Flavio showed Cortez the Skull Gem!

Cortez turned around and went mad! _**"¿QUE? MI GEMA de CRANEO! USTED ROBO ESO, USTED ABIGARRANDO GATO! Yo RAJA de OUTTA USTED ARRIBA Y LE TIENE PARA CENA!" **19)_

Flavio gave him the Skull Gem and started to panic! "Look! Um... ¡Mis pantalones están muy enojados en usted, pero no los tener inconveniente en! Ellos acaban de comeres!" _20)_

Cortez sat in silence for a moment, then started laughing and grabbed the Skull Gem! "¡Sus tonterías me divierten, gato estúpido! La multa, entonces! Todo se perdona! Encuéntreme en la plataforma! **_NAVEGAREMOS OTRA VEZ!"_** _21)_

_Lightning flashed in the background! **BOOM! CRASH! THUNDER! CRACK! STUFF!** Cortez's head disappeared!_

Pikario sighed. "Now what?"

Flavio ran out the door! "Quick! To the main deck!"

**_DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA! BAAAAATMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!_**

_Out on the main deck, everyone was on board and ready to attack Lord Crump's stupid ship of the stupidness! __Lightning flashed in the background! **BOOM! CRASH! THUNDER! CRACK! STUFF!** Cortez's head appeared!_

"Oh no! It's Cortez! He'll **_CUH-REEM_** us!" a random Shroomish shouted!

_Everybody started to run around in a panic again! That's just great! Ignoring them, Cortez summoned t__housands of Gastlys and Haunters to take the ship out of Pirate's Ghetto!

* * *

**Back Outside!** _

_Crump fired another cannonball!_ **BOOM!**

"Dude! I think we're actually winning for once!" an X-Naut happily said!

Crump pushed him down! "Shut up and do something whileworth... **_WORTHWHILE!"_**

"¡Usted tipos tienen algún nervio para joder conmigo! Nadie vuela esta isla para ninguna razón aparente! ...Except para mí!" Cortez roared frome somewhere! _22)_

All X-Nauts looked at each other in confusion! "What?"

Crump got mad! "Just what're you trying to pull? Who is that? We can't understand you, man!"

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!** The Black Skull came crashing through the paper-made background, ripping it into pieces!_

"Shit! That hole's gonna cost us a fortune!" Crump shouted!

"¡Le haré el rue el día que usted vino aquí, mortal idiota! **_GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_** _23)_ Cortez growled loudly!

"¡Bien, eso es demasiado malo justo para usted! **ATAQUE, MIS ALCOHOLES!"** Cortez ordered the Gastlys and Haunters!_ 24)_

Crump looked worried. "Wait! What? Quick! Someone go get Johnson! I think he understands Spanish!"

_But it was too late! The Gastlys and Haunters attacked and the ship went up in flames! How? I dunno! It just did!_

"ACK! X-Nauts! Retreat! Retreat!" Crump boomed!

The X-Nauts ran around in a panic! "_**What do we do? What do we do? The ship's on fire! We're gonna die!"**_

_For the next few hours, Pikario, Cortez, the ghosts, the Shroomishes, and even Flavio engaged in beating the crap out of the poor, confused X-Nauts! The ships bumped into each other well over 584,958,495 times, Pokémon fell into the ocean, flew away, swam away, got set on fire, or just up and disappeared! Nonetheless, it was complete and total chaos amongst the two battling ships! Crump was soon able to pull away from the fight!_

"You stupid little bastards! I'll get the next Star and you can't stop me! **_BUH! BUH HUH HUHUHUHUHUH! HAAAAACK!" _**he choked on his words!

"HOORAY! We did it!" the Shroomish cheered!

_**"¡MÁS COMO LO HICE! Y USTED NO SE OLVIDA DE ESO!"**_Cortez threatened playfully, spooking the crew! _25)

* * *

_

Woo hoo! Pikario saved the haunted Kill-All Key from Lord Crump and now everyone can live in peace! Ah, you get the idea...

**_Peach's Event!_**

Grodius slammed his fist down on the table! "Damn it, Crump! What the hell do I pay you for?"

"Sorry, sir!" Lord Crump whimpered on a transmission screen! "But, Pikario was..."

"NO! You get you sorry ass to work or I just might, uh..." Grodius stopped for a second!

"Blow up something?" Crump pondered.

**_"YEAH!_** I'll do that if you don't get the next Star!" Grodius turned off the screen! "I'll get you one day, Pikario... **_GAAAACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBHPT!"_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**Elsewhere!**_

Peach walked into TEC's room! "Hiyah, TEC! Wutcha doin'?"

"I am troubled, Peach!" TEC responded! "See, I need this Memory Card to save my _"Paper Mario: TTYD"_ game or that'll be 25 of my hours wasted! Please go turn invisible, or something and steal one from Sir Grodius!"

Peach smiled. "Yay! Okay!"

_Sometime later, Peach was in some other room upstairs, trying to turn herself invisible! The potions in the lab weren't working, due to the fact that she didn't have a watch to count for the damn 30 seconds it took to heat the potions to the right temperature, so she just had to use her imagination! And guess what? It actually worked! Now that she was "invisible", Peach strolled over to Grodius' pad, took a Memory Card out of his GameCube and brought it back to TEC!_

TEC was excited! "Sweet! Now, off with you! I need some time alone so I can beat the last boss!"

"Okay, then! See ya tomorrow!" Peach sang, dancing out of the room!

* * *

**_Bowser's Event!_**

_Bowser and Kammy walked up in Holycrapits6:47andtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town! Upon realising where they were, Bowser's eyes went wide!_

"Holy shit! Kammy, do you know where we are?" he asked, in a panic!

"Holycrapits6:47andtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town?" Kammy asked!

"YES! And this is a gothic town! Quick! We need to get out of here before someone starts trying to sell us EvanescenceCDs!"Bowser shouted, alarmed!

_He and Kammy were just about to run away, but Bowser spotted Lord Crump in the bushes, looking for something!_

"Wait, Kammy! That guy looks weird!" Bowser stomped over the Crump! **_"HEY, YOU!_** What the hell are you doing?"

Crump lifted up the object he was looking for: the Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb! "None of your business, fat-ass!"

_**"FAT-ASS?**_ All right, you asked for it!" Bowser called all his Koopas to attack! **_"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! _**You can't stop me now!"

"Yes-huh!" Crump called all the cute, little X-Nauts to battle!

_**SHOWDOWN TIME! THE KOOPAS VS. THE X-NAUTS!**_

Crump made the first move by throwing the Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb at Bowser! "Take **THIS!"**

_The Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb didn't work!_

Bowser scoffed! "Idiot! You always **LIGHT **the bomb before you throw it!"

_**"Lord Bowser! Don't do it!"**_ Kammy freaked out!

_But it was too late! Bowser lit the Superbombombombombombombombombombombombomb and the results were _**_EXPLOSIVE IN A BIG WAY! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM_!**

Let's hope everyone involved in the explosion has good health and life insurance!

* * *

And now for a teaser! Oh, I'm so evil!

**NEXT TIME! ON "COLLEGE RULE PIKARIO: THE VERY OLD DOOR THINGY!"**

"Pikario, we can't stop the train! **WE'RE GONNA DIE!"** Squirt shouted!

Ms. Rwatt walked up and winked! "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"

The train turned into a sock!

"Quick, get the Star before it flies away!" Bowser commanded!

The Star exploded!

Smorg got out a machine gun! **"SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORG!"**

**"ALL I NEED... IS YOUR LIFE!"** the Shroomish ghost ripped out Pikella's heart and lungs! Blood squirted everywhere!

The Munchlax protested! "Food? I have no idea what you're talking about!"

Zip Sharoomeesh smirked. "So, Vivian? Wanna come to my room for a little bit?"

"My ex-boyfriend gave me these earrings, but I still have his corspe in my room!" the waitress added!

Bub bounced up and down! "No! I wanna be a basketball player!"

Pennington rubbed his chin. "I think I've got it!"

Pikella locked the door! "Pikario, I'm in heat! I need you now** MORE THAN EVER!"**

Pikario freaked out! **"DUDE!"**

Pikella grabbed Pikario! "Look, I'm **BEGGING** you! You're the only one here I feel right having sex with!"

Vivian stood near the edge of the train! "I'll jump! I really will!"

"Hey, Chuigi! Since when does grass knock the main character off stage, then dance around and sing about it?" Hayzee asked, enraged!

"Pikario... I hate to tell you this, but I think I'm pregnant..."

Pikario was in shock! **"NO WAY! NOT AGAIN!"**

Grodius shook his fist! "Damn computer! I can't rule the world if you keep giving out free smoothies like **THAT!"**

**"I LOVE YOU!"** Frankie spat!

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! A YUCKY, STINKY THREAT!"** the business guy freaked out!

"Wow! Da Moon!" Peach said, happily!

**

* * *

**

_**Authoress' Notes:** Heh. The very last part was just an experiment and a teaser, like I said. Also, lame chapter name, I know! Silence! The one in the game is lame, too! Also, thanks to Lord Luffy for suggesting Cortez to be a Steelix and the chapter name! I skipped a few parts (the Chuckhola Cola thing, fighting Lord Crump) because they were both only things to do to add time to the gameplay. Anyway, here are the translations for the whole Cortez bit._

_1) All right! That's it! I grow weary of this 'OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo'ing crap! I know you guys are after my treasure, but you're not getting it without a fight! Understand? _

_2) What's so funny? **WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?** You dare laugh at the great Cortez? This is not a laughing matter! **SHUT THE HELL UP!"** _

_3) Hey, you! I'm sure the balloons will eat my pants and fly to the cookie moon of death! There, they will peel their bicycles off the ceiling and eat the cow's trucks, but I wasn't there because the flying pigpen told me to stop and I wasn't even done wrapping my presents yet! _

_4) "**WHAT?** You idiot! You're speaking **FRENCH**, not Spanish! I can't even understand you anymore, you retard!" _

_5) "Isn't it such a beautiful language?" _

_6) "**ENOUGH!** This foolishness stops now! I'll show you what happens when you mess with Cortez, the king of pirates! **MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"** _

_7) "I would normally kill you first, but this is a turn-based fight! Damn it!"_

_8) "Now, what the hell was that? It hurt! You can't do that! ...can you?"_

_9) "OW! Stupid idiots! **DIE!"**_

_10)** "OVERGROWN GARBAGE DISPOSAL?"**_

_11) "You dare growl at me? And you're not **THAT** scary! My mom looks scarier than you and my dad did, too!"_

_12) "What was with the bomb? Your nonsense confuses me!"_

_13) "What? Oh, yeah... Fire + me is not good! I kinda forgot that, but STILL! I am a ghost, therefore, you cannot kill me because I am already dead! And if you killed me again, then I would become undead, but I would still live... only as a zombie, not a ghost! And zombies can't die either, so in the end, **I WIN! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"**_

_14) "What? This? THIS? ...Sure, whatever. I hate the color blue, anyway."_

_15) "Take it! Take it and get out! I want nothing more to do with you and your silly antics!"_

_16) **"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWAHAHAHAHAHA!**_ _Huh? What the hell are YOU doing here again?"_

_17) "Not this again!"_

_18) "No, I don't feel like killing today..."_

_19) **"WHAT? MY SKULL GEM! YOU STOLE THAT, YOU FREAKING CAT! I OUTTA SLICE YOU UP AND HAVE YOU FOR DINNER!"**_

_20) "My pants are very angry at you, but don't mind them! They're just eating!"_

_21) "Your nonsense amuses me, stupid cat! Fine, then! All is forgiven! Meet me on the deck! **WE SHALL SAIL AGAIN!"**_

_22) "You guys have some nerve to fuck with me! No one blows up this island for no apparent reason! ...except for me!"_

_23) "I shall make you rue the day you came here, idiotic mortal! **GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**_

_24) "Well, that's just too bad for you! **ATTACK, MY SPIRITS!" **_

_25) **"MORE LIKE I DID IT! AND DON'T YOU FORGET THAT!" **_


	7. 6: 3 Days of Excess Sex on the Excess Se...

_**Authoress' Notes:** After looking through my bio, I've just noticed that **"P&C"** and **"CRP"** are close to being finished! W00t! Anyway, here's Chapter 6, one of my least favorite Chapters in the game. (Trains are so boring...)

* * *

_

_**College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!**_

_**Chapter 6:** 3 Days of Excess Sex on the Excess Sex Express!

* * *

_

_Picking up from where we left off (**SORTA**), Pikario and company are standing around Cortez's ship, saying their goodbyes to the crew before they leave back for the main land!_

Pikario waved at Pa-Patch! "Well, it's been bitchin', but I got what I wanted, so I'm getting the hell out of here!"

"Oy! 'aptain! We'll miss ya!" Pa-Patch replied.

"Really?" a nearby Shroomish frowned!

"Nawh, 'oi just want 'im outta 'ere..." Pa-Patch whispered back!

Flavio got on board the Black Skull! "The great Flavio will miss being captain, but I must go back to being rich and balderdash like that!"

"That's just fine with us!" the crew chimed happily!

"I think that Frankie and I are going to stay, as well! Right, Frankie?" Francesca asked.

"Dat's right, muh lovey-dovey hamburger pizza pie, wit salami and Swiss cheese, wit a dash of seasoning an' some salt 'n peppa an' pepperoni, not ta leave out da tasty sauce an' soft goodness of da freshly baked crust!" Frankie said!

* * *

_Uh, okay... anyway, everyone said their farewells and shit and Pikario, his friends, Flavio, and the giant, evil Steelix ghost left and made it back to Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard in, like, 3 minutes! Wow! Ghostly ships that rose from the dead are simply the best! Just as he was about to leave the harbor, Chuigi ran over to Pikario, with a Crayzee Dayzee with him! Yay! Crayzee Dayzees are cute!_

"Hey, man! I got another one of those Compass Piece Thingys! I was in a play and I rocked the show! Wanna hear about it?" Chuigi asked.

"No," Pikario said, hoping that would make Chuigi go away!

Ignoring his response, Chuigi continued! "So, anyway! I went to Freek-A-Leek City to get the Piece Thingy and it was full of crazy Crayzee Dayzees and this guy here..."

**_"HAYZEE!"_** Hayzee reminded him!

Chuigi ignored him! "...let me be in his play and I totally pwned it from the inside out, man!"

Vivian sighed! "Aw, plays are so dreamy!"

"I played grass and I kicked someone's ass!" Chuigi beamed!

"Hey, Chuigi! Since when does grass knock the main character off stage, then dance around and sing about it?" Hayzee asked, enraged!

"Well, you didn't give me any lines, so I just thought you wanted me to improvise!" Chuigi retorted!

"Grass doesn't improvise, Chuigi; **_IT LAYS BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND DOES NOTHING!"_** Hayzee shouted!

"Well, that would've been boring, anyway..." Chuigi mumbled under his breath!

* * *

_While Chuigi and Hayzee were arguing about how grass goes about kicking people's asses, Pikario and his team ran off! They went to Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers, did the Star shit, and went back to Franklyidunno's place to see where the hell the next Star could be! _

Sitting on his roof, Franklyidunno fired off a torpedo and hit the nearest building, causing it to go up in flames! **"BULLS-EYE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

"Hey, Franklyidunno! What about the next Crystal Star?" Crusher called from below!

The old Pikachu jumped down from the roof! **_"HOLY SHIT! YOU TURNED INTO A CHARMELEON! THAT'S SO COOL! I WANT ONE, BUT I'M TOO OLD AND IT WOULD PROBABLY EAT ME! ANYWAY, THE NEXT STAR IS IN SOME PLACE CALLED PUSSY HEIGHTS AND YOU HAVE TO TAKE A TRAIN TO GET THERE! CHOOOOOOOO CHOOOOOOOOO!"_**

"I've heard of this place, but don't you need to be rich to ride on there?" Pikella asked.

**_"PROBABLY, BUT I WOULDN'T KNOW, BECAUSE I'M OLD! WHY DON'T YOU GO TO THE TROUBLE CENTER, OR SOMETHING AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE?"_** Franklyidunno ran off, proclaiming something about oranges and their will to destroy Jupiter!

* * *

_So, they went to the Trouble Center on Da East Side of_ _Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard!_

Pikario picked up a flyer that had a lot of question marks on it and something about badges! "Let's try this one; it looks weird!"

Pikella sweatdropped. "Pikario, we're looking for a train ticket, not badges!"

"Whatever..." Pikario blew her off!

* * *

_Sometime later, the gang found themselves somewhere on top of a building in Da Middle of Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard!_

Ms. Rwatt walked up and winked! "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"

Pikella got pissed! "Hey! What are you doing here AGAIN?"

"Well, Mr. Pikachu here answered my ad, did he not? So, I am here to tell him what I want, Ms. Fat-ass!" Ms. Rwatt calmly said!

"I'm not fat, I'm pregnant with HIS child!" Pikaella growled, pointing at Pikario!

Pikario turned away! "Don't listen to her; she's crazy!"

"Well, anyway, I want you to find this badge for me! I don't know where it is, or what it looks like, so good luck on finding it for me!" Ms. Rwatt winked!

"Oh, you mean this?" Squirt picked up a random badge laying on the street!

Ms. Rwatt was shocked! "Why, yes! That's it! You guys are good!"

Pikella scoffed. "Fine. Now, let's go..."

Ms. Rwatt cut her off! "I think I want to join your little group... Pikario, was it?"

**_"NO WAY! WE HAVE ENOUGH PARTNERS AND WE DON'T NEED YOU!"_** Pikella shouted!

"I find help you find stuff," Ms. Rwatt said.

"Sweet! You're in!" Pikario agreed!

**_"OH, MY GAWD! THAT'S, LIKE, SO NOT FAIR!"_** Pikella rampaged!

_**Ms. Rwatt Became a Part of Pikario's Party! She's His Seventh (and Final) New Member! Yay!**_

**_Name:_** _Ms. Rwatt_

**_Pokémon:_** _Rattata_

_**Attitude:** Naughty/Sly_

_**Ability: **Finding and Taking Stuff from other Pokémon!_

_**Met At: **Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard!_

_Wow! This is both sad and exciting! Sad, because Ms. Rwatt is the last partner that will join Pikario in this game and exciting because she can use her nose to find stuff that Pikario can't see! Ms. Rwatt can smell anything in the world and she'll tell you how far away you are from the treasure she smells! She can also use her **SUPER AWESOME NINJASKILLS** to steal items and stuff from unfortunate enemies or bystanders! That's pretty much all she can do, but it's cool anyway!_

_**And That's Basically All You Need to Know About Your (Final) Partner!

* * *

**_

_After getting Ms. Rwatt in their party, she told them that the only way they could get on the train was if they went back to Don Pianta to get the shit, so they did!_

"GAH!" Don Pianta was sick in his bed!

Pikario got mad! "What the hell?"

"It seemz dat da Boss got sick cuz Francesca done left us!" Tony explained.

"Yeah, man! Youse knows where Francesca's at?" Vinny asked!

"Gah... _Francesca... **FRANCESCA!"**_ Don Pianta wailed!

Pikario sighed! "No way! I'm not going all the way back to that damned haunted island to get her!"

"Youse means she's on Kill-All Key?" Tony asked!

"Oh, da horror!" Vinny shouted!

"Don't panic, my dears! Ms. Rwatt will find this 'Francesca' and bring her back! Mmm hmm hmm!" Ms. Rwatt said!

"But she's all the way out there on Kill-All and we need a ship and stuff!" Squirt said!

"When you're a Master Thief who's trained with ninjas all your life, **_NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!"_** And with that, Ms. Rwatt jumped out the window!

"...think she'll come back?" Crusher asked.

"I hope not..." Pikella pouted!

_**BOOM!** Seconds later, Ms. Rwatt jumped back through the window with Frankie and Francesca!_

Flurrie was shocked! "Oh my!"

"Here you are, dearies! Like I said, nothing is impossible! Mmm hmm hmm!" Ms. Rwatt winked!

Pikella got mad! "How'd you do that?"

Ms. Rwatt laughed! "A skilled ninja never reveals their secrets! **_SHURIKEN!"_**

"Frankie! What the hell just happened? You're not done saying you're sorry to me for losing our wedding ring!" Francesca shouted!

**"I LOVE YOU!"** Frankie spat, holding up the ring for her!

**_"NO!_** You still have to say it 2,854,905 more times! **_YOU'RE NOT DONE!"_** Francesca whacked him!

**"I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" **Frankie continued!

**"THAT'S STILL NOT ENOUGH!"** Francesca took the ring! "Keep going!"

Don Pianta sat up! "Francesca?"

Francesca looked up! "Hi, Daddy! Look! Me and Frankie are getting married! Right, Frankie?"

**"I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!" **Frankie continued!

"Well, good fo' youse! We'll be havin' da most an' best gangsta wedding eva!" the Don laughed!

"So, can we have tickets to the train now?" Pikario asked!

"For da Excess Sex Express? Sure!" the Don gave Pikario a ticket! Yay!

Pikario held up the ticket! "W00t! Now we can continue this dumbass adventure!"

"Dat's good an' all, but da Don iz checkin' owt!" Don said, starting to leave!

"Daddy!" Francesca shouted. "You're leaving?"

"Yeah, I'm too old fo' dis shit now! Frankie iz now... **_DA NEW DON!_** Sorta..." the now retired Don said!

"Yay! Didja hear that, Frankie?" Francesca asked.

**"I LOVE YOU!"** Frankie shouted!

Francesca whacked him! "Stop it, Frankie!"

Frankie pulled himself together! "Uh, Ise means... tanks, Boss!"

"Youse welcome! Now, if youse excuse me, I'm off ta hit da casino! Since Ise ownz it, Ise always wins!" the Don ran off!

**_"ALL RIGHT! NOW, I'M TAKING OVER! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! FRANKIE MAY BE DON, BUT I'M THE DON...ESS! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"_** Francesca roared, scaring everybody in the room!

Frankie sweatdropped. "Dat's just great..."

* * *

_YAY! Now that Pikario has the ticket, he can get on the Excess Sex Express and go to Pussy Heights without having to fight anybody on the way there! ...Or at least that's what he thought! After being lead to their room, the Excess Sex Express started up and scared Squirt!_

**Day 1! **

"Pikario, we can't stop the train! **WE'RE GONNA DIE!"** Squirt shouted!

Pikario punched Squirt! "We're not trying to stop the train!"

"I wonder why they call this the Excess Sex Express..." Crusher asked.

Flurrie then noticed a note and picked it up! "Oh, my! Look, a note!"

Ms. Rwatt perked up. "What's on it?"

"It says 'DaMn It! If YoU dOn'T gEt OfF tHe TrAiN, i WiLl HaVe To SiCk UpOn YoU a YuMmY, sTiCkY tHrEaT!'" Flurrie read.

"A yummy, sticky threat?" Bobbery questioned. "Rubbish, that's all it is!"

Pikario smiled evily! "Sorry to be the perverted one here, but just think: we're on the Excess **_Sex_** Express, we're going to **_Pussy_** Heights, and we get a note talking about a 'yummy, sticky threat'... so..."

**_"EWWWWWWWWWWW! PIKARIO! THAT'S NASTY!"_** Pikella roared!

**_"OH NO! NOT THIS AGAIN!"_** Squirt hid in his shell!

Crusher smiled! "Sweet, dude!"

* * *

_HAHAHAHAHA! That's our Pikario; always the nasty, I'm-going-to-say-something-sex-related-and-you-can't-stop-me guy! HAHAHAHA! Anyway, Pikella took the note to the conductor, who was at the back of the train! But wait... shouldn't he be near the front, or something? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..._

"Hey, you! We have this note talking about a yummy, sticky threat! Do something about it!" Pikella demanded!

The conductor laughed! "Aw, come on! This is the Excess _Sex _Express and we're going to_ Pussy_ Heights! We find shit like that all the time!"

Pikario laughed! "What'd I say?"

Squirt hid in his shell!** "NOT AGAIN!"

* * *

**

_Seeing as that didn't work, everyone decided that maybe a light lunch would help them forget about Pussy Heights and the fact that they were on the Excess Sex Express... oh, and the yummy, sticky threat, too! But they were oh, so wrong!_

Pikario waved his fist at the chef Magikarp! "HEY! Serve us some damn food, or I'll have **YOU** for dinner!"

"You there! Pikachu and the others! Where were you 8 on the 20th of June, 16 years ago?" a Delibird demanded!

Pikario chuckled. "You don't wanna know..."

"The Great Pennington now labels you as _**SUSPICIOUS!"**_ the Delivery Pokémon shouted!

"What? Dude, fuck you! I didn't even do anything!" Pikario defended!

"That's what they all say!" Pennington waved his magnifying glass!

"Please! You have to find my cuff!** NO… NO! I MEAN STUFF! YES, THAT'S WHAT I MEANT! STUFF!" **the chef exclaimed!

The business Furret looked at his watch! "Can I go now? I paid 695 dollars for this and I need sexual entertainment… or action! Either way…"

Pennington threw the waitress at him! "Shut your trap, rat! The Great Pennington is not done with his interrogation!"

The waitress sweatdropped. **_"What interrogation?"_**

Zip Sharoomeesh started to leave! "You guys are all a bunch of losers and douche bags! I'm going back to my room!"

Pennington jumped up! **_"AHA! YOU TOOK THE POT, MR… WHATEVER-THE-HELL-YOUR-NAME-WAS!"_**

Zip Sharoomeesh left! "Whatever, dude!"

Pennington rubbed his chin. "I think I've got it!"

_**DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!**_

**_"IT WAS THE WAITRESS! YOU EVIL WOMAN, YOU! SHALL YOUR VAGINA FOREVER FLOW WITH EVIL SEVIPERS FOR YOUR CRIME!"_** Pennington shouted!

**_"Liek OMG! I didn't do it! Tht's soo not fair!"_** the waitress freaked out!

"Naw, just kidding. Actually, not even I know who the hell did this!" Pennington replied!

Pikario got up! "What the hell? I want some fucking food!"

Crusher smelled some wet stuff he found on the floor! "Hey, man! What's this crap?"

Pikario glared at it! "Uh…"

"Knowing this place, it's probably you-know-what! Hmmm hmmm!" Ms. Rwatt said!

"**_STOP THIS MADNESS!"_** Squirt hid in his shell again!

_So, everybody followed the stuff on the floor until they got to a small Munchlax's room!_

"What? **WHAT?"** he asked, annoyed!

"HEY! You're not a certified Pokémon yet! Nintendo's totally gonna kick your ass when they find out you're being distributed in public acts of work without permission!" Pikario pointed out!

"I don't have to be certified to be in this story! If you're a Pokémon with an English name, then you're certified!" the Munchlax retorted!

"**_BUT, YOU'RE STILL NOT OFFICIAL!"_** Pikario boomed!

"Have you seen a pot around here lately? You know, with food in it?" Vivian asked.

The Munchlax protested! "Food? I have no idea what you're talking about!"

Pikario pulled out the pot thingy from a drawer and it was full of porno magazines! "You horny bastard! I outta kill you!"

"Okay! Okay! **_SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORY!_** Gee whiz, it's not my fault I enjoy eating and masturbating!" the Munchlax complained!

* * *

**_Sometime later!_**

**_"YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! YOU GUYS FOUND MY POT, AND I DON'T MEAN THE SMOKING KIND!"_** Chef ShootMeIMeanShimi exclaimed!

Coming back from his room and seeing Vivian, Zip Sharoomeesh smirked. "So, Vivian? Wanna come to my room for a little bit?"

Vivian sweatdropped. "Uh..."

"Oh, yeah! Why don't you guys go and see that Delibird guy! He wanted to shoot… no, wait! **SEE YOU!"** Chef ShootMeIMeanShimi said!

_So, everybody went to see the Delibird with the improbably large brain in Sexy Cabin 006! Upon entering, the gang saw strippers, prostitutes, and nasty pictures on the wall! Not to forget the booming loud porno music and multi-colored disco ball on the ceiling! …Heh… I said 'ball'…_

Pikario frowned! "How come I don't have that shit?"

"Because you have to _order_ it first! What? You think it comes with the room? That's why it's called ROOM SERVICE!" Pennington spat!

"Well, what do ya want?" Crusher asked.

"After finding that guy's pot, and I don't mean the smoking kind, I've decided to make you guys and girls my new assistants!" Pennington said.

"Ok…" Pikario said!

"Ah! Yes! I didn't see it earlier, but now I do! The Pikachu!" Pennington shouted, kicking a stripper out the way so he could see Pikario!

"What?" Pikario made a face!

"I know you! You're that guy! That famous guy!" Pennington deduced!

Pikario boosted! "Oh, yeah!"

"You're Shigeru Miyamoto, aren't you?" Pennington shouted!

"That's right… The fuck?" Pikario glared at Pennington!

"Yeah!" Pennington concluded!

"Dude, I'm not that guy! He's rich; I'm not!" Pikario complained!

Pennington ignored him! "Anyway, Miyamoto! I want you to go and check on the Bob-ombs rooming in Sexy Cabin 008! Those bastards are way too loud!"

"If it'll get you to leave me alone…" Pikario mumbled!

* * *

_**OMG! It's Afternoon Now! OMG!**

* * *

_

_**In Sexy Cabin 008!**_

Goldbomb shook his head! "NO! NO! NO! That's not what Bub wants! He needs guns, explosives, army trucks, and all that rot!"

Sylvia begged to differ! "He needs an education! All he's been doing lately is blowing up around the house! It's not healthy for a boy his age!"

"Education is stupid! You think I got rich from being smart?** NO! I JUST DON'T PAY MY INCOME TAXES! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"** Goldbob laughed!

Pikario walked in! "What the hell?"

Bub sighed! "Damn… why didn't I bring my GBA?"

Pikario slapped him! **"YOU ASS! NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT A GBA! IF I EVER SEE YOU WALKING AROUND HERE GBA-LESS AGAIN, I'LL KILL YOU!"**

Bub changed the subject! "Hey! Wanna know what I'll be when I grow up?"

"A loser?" Pikario asked.

"An engineer?" Vivian guessed.

"An evil psychopath bent on taking over the world with the power of mustard?" Squirt added, being the loser he is!

Bub bounced up and down! "No! I wanna be a basketball player!"

"So?" Pikario asked!

Bub changed the subject again! "I want a cookie!"

"Eh…" Pikario gave him one!

"Sweet! You can have this!" Bub gave Pikario a copy of "_Super Mario World"_ for the GBA! OMFG! "My mom thinks its rotting my brain anyway…"

* * *

_**OMG! It's Nighttime Now! OMG!**

* * *

_

Vivian yawned! "I'm tired! Can we go to bed now?"

Squirt sweatdropped! "Why is it so late? We've only been on this thing for 15 minutes!"

Then, the conductor walked up! "Hey! I'm missing my blanket and I need you guys to find it!"

Pikario flipped him off! "What's in it for us?"

"I'll order you Room Service and it'll all be on me!" the conductor said!

Pikario ran off! "Works for me!"

* * *

_After a lot of walking around and talking to all the other passengers, Pikario and his posse soon found out that Sexy Cabin 004 had no one in it!_

"Sweet! A free room!" Crusher said!

"Um, actually, there's a ghost, like, right over there…" Vivian, being ghostly herself said!

Just then, a Shroomish ghost came out of nowhere! _"Damn... the transsexual is right... Oogly boogly ooooo..."_

Vivian sighed. "Look, it's not my fault I'm this way! Things happened!"

"_Whatever... Anyway, I've been dead for, like, a really long time and I was cold, so I took that guy's blanket because he took my diary, so if you, like, get it, I'll give you this blanket..."_ the ghost said!

"Uh huh..." Pikario backed away!

"_Actually, I changed my mind... **ALL I NEED... IS YOUR LIFE!"**_ the Shroomish ghost ripped out Pikella's heart and lungs! Blood squirted everywhere!

Pikella freaked!_ "GAH!"_

"_Just joking... HAHAHAHAHAhahahahaaaaa..." _the ghost said!

"O...k..." Pikario slowly crept away!

"_Oh, yeah... and don't read my diary ad stuff..."_ the ghost warned!

Pikario and friends walked off! "Right..."

* * *

_Blah blah blah! Pikario told the conductor the shit and he gave him back the ghost's diary, saying that he didn't want to be cursed and stuff! On the way back to Sexy Cabin 004, Crusher stopped the group!_

"I have an awesome idea! Let's read this guy's diary because he said not to!" he said, taking the diary from Pikario!

Pikella took it back! "Don't do that! It's rude!"

Ms. Rwatt took it! "Mmmmm hmmm hmmm! One peek won't hurt!"

Pikario took it and began reading! "_'March 19, 200 B.C.: Today is a great day! I just had sex with 15 girls, but one of them had, you AIDS, so I, like, killed her and stuff! It was sweet.' _...and... That's it?"

Crusher sweatdropped. "That guy was alive in 200 B.C.?"

The Shroomish ghost appeared! _"Hey, you're like reading my diary, and stuff! DIE!"_

_And then, Pikario died the most horrible death know to man! ...then he came back to life!_

The ghost was shocked! _"What the hell?"_

"Dude! If the Almighty Authoress doesn't want me to die, then I can't!" Pikario scolded!

"_Then can I have my diary back?"_ he asked!

Pikario threw it at him! "Wuss, you only wrote in there once! And in 200 B.C.?"

"_I told you that I've been dead for a long time…"_ the ghost said, giving Pikario his blanket!

* * *

_So, the blanket was brought back to the conductor, who ordered Pikario Room Service! When he got back to his room, the room was full of strippers, one for almost each partner and Pikario! A female and male Pikachu, a Squirtle, a Charmeleon, a Mr. Mime, a Voltorb, and a Rattata!_

"**_MWAHAHAHAHA! ROOM SERVICE! WE'RE HERE TO FUCK YOU UP!"_** the strippers shouted!

Pikario sweatdropped. "Ok..."

Vivian frowned! "Hey! Where's mine? Is this because of my condition? That's not fair!"

Zip Sharoomeesh came in! "The last guy had a lot of bitches on his hands, so I'm taking over for him!"

Pikella pushed everybody out! "Yeah, yeah! That's nice! I'm pretty sure you can all do the nasty elsewhere!"

Pikario got mad! "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Pikella locked the door! "Pikario, I'm in heat! I need you now** MORE THAN EVER!"**

Pikario freaked out! **"DUDE!"**

Pikella grabbed Pikario! "Look, I'm **BEGGING** you! You're the only one here I feel right having sex with!"

"And you said _I_ was sick!" Pikario inched away!

Pikella came closer! "That's not the point!"

Pikario took out his gun! "Look! Don't make me use this! There WAS a stripper for you, right?"

Pikella got out her can of mace! "Now I see there's only one way to get what I want..."

_Well, what an unexpected twist! Let's just say the rest of the night was complete and total chaos, as everybody on the train was busy doing their own dirty deeds for the night! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! There was noise, smells, shouting, anger, happiness, and the occasional "Hey! You can't do that!" Nonetheless, nothing else can be said, because I'm **THIS** close to making the entire story R-rated, so just use your imagination to fill in the blanks! WAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

_

**Day 2!**

_**OMG! It's Morning Now! OMG!**

* * *

_

_Pikario sat up in the kitchen, remembering how awful last night was! At that instant, everybody else came in, wanting to eat breakfast!_

"So... what happened?" Pikario asked!

Squirt trembled! "It was awful! She showed me a lot of stuff I've never seen before and she kept using all these weird words and stuff! Please don't let me ever see her again!"

Flurrie frowned! "I didn't have much of a glorious time, either! I've done something like this before, but now it's getting old! I shan't ever do it again... for a while..."

Crusher smiled! "Well, mine was awesome! We just got done about an hour ago, so that's probably why I need a bath..."

Vivian blushed. "Let's just say it was _different..."_

Bobbery looked irritated! "Balderdash! I threw her off the side of the train the very instant we were alone! Scarlette, forgive me! You know what she was trying to do; it wasn't my idea!"

Ms. Rwatt laughed! "Mmmm hmm! With my **_SUPER AWESOME NINJA SKILLS_**, I tricked him into jumping out the window and giving me all his valuables, too! **_SHURIKEN!_** So, we didn't do anything..."

"So, um... what are you doing in here?" Squirt asked!

"Hell if I know..." Pikario mumbled!

Chef ShootMeIMeanShimi came up! "Hey! The Delibird stalled for you guys... **NO... WAIT! CALLED! THAT'S WHAT I MEANT! STUPID TONGUE!"**

_So, they went to Pennington's room to see that Pikella and the business Furret guy from yesterday in there!_

The Furret freaked out! "Look! LOOK! DO YOU SEE? I don't have my briefcase! I'll get fired! **_THERE'S NO MORE SELLING OF OVERLY-PRICED JAMMIN' JELLYS!"_**

Pennington slapped him! "SHUT UP!"

Pikario saw Pikella! "YOU!"

Pikella sneered! "Yes, me!"

"What the fuck was up with you last night?" Pikario demanded!

Pikella ignored him! "Mr. business guy, didn't someone take your briefcase and talk about and using it for a yummy sticky threat?"

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! A YUCKY, STINKY THREAT!"** the business guy freaked out!

Pennington slapped him! "Idiot! She just said _'yummy, sticky threat'_!"

Flurrie was confused. "Huh? What is this madness?"

"Well, you heard her! This wimp lost some shit and someone wants to use his shit as the shit that will become a yummy, sticky threat! So, go find his shit, Miyamoto!" Pennington demanded!

Pikario sweatdropped. "That's not my name, dude..."

_Okay, then! Pikario and the others went off in search of the Furret guy's suitcase! They found a lot of papers and stuff in their room, then they found Zip Sharoomeesh hiding out in his room, talking about a yummy, sticky threat! After trying to get away (and running straight into Pikario), the group brought him back to Pennington and the Furret guy!

* * *

_

_**OMG! It's Afternoon Now! OMG!**

* * *

_

"You fiend!" Pennington whacked Zip Sharoomeesh! "How dare you leave an arousing 'yummy, sticky threat' note in Shigeru Miyamoto's room! I really thought that sex was involved in all this! Stupid!"

The Furret guy slapped him, too! **_"YEAH! WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET OFF, STEALING SHIT LIKE THAT?"_**

"Fuck! And I almost got away with it, too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids and your damn dog!" Zip Sharoomeesh said!

Bobbery frowned. "What dog?"

"This guy's whacko..." Crusher whispered!

"And to think; you were the guy I lost my virginity to!" Vivian cried!

"You had sex with a transsexual?" Pennington slapped Zip Sharoomeesh again! **"ALL THE MORE WHY YOU SHOULD PUNISHED, YOU CAD!"**

Vivian sighed. "Not again..."

_Pikario went and gave all the stuff back to their owners! The waitress was ecstatic to have her stuff back!_

_**"Oh, wooooooooooooooooooow! Thanks a lot! My ex-boyfriend gave me these earrings, but I still have his corpse in my room!"** _the waitress added!

Pikario sweatdropped! "Okay..."

_And so was the Shroomish lady! She was very happy, I mean!_

"Oh, thank you, you handsome go-getter-of-stuff-from-people-who-took-it-and-it-really-doesn't-belong-to-them-but-everybody-else-is-too-stupid-to-know-that guy!" she said.

Pikario shook his head. "There are some real sad people on this train..."

* * *

_About an hour later, everybody found themselves stopped atWhatthehellwhyisthereadrawbridgehereiftheresnomorefuckingwaterIsweattogodthatssostupid Station because some dumbass had lifted up the drawbridge, stopping the train!_

Pennington got off the train, dragging Zip Sharoomeesh with him! "Bastard! You'll pay for your crime dearly!"

"Fat chance, Slick!" **POOF!** 'Zip Sharoomeesh' turned into Doopliss!

"What the hell?" Pennington and the nearby conductor shouted, surprised!

"You ain't taking me in, Slick! **MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...** eh, yeah..." Doopliss ran away!

Pikario ran up to a random Shroomish standing around and grabbed him! "Why did the fucking train stop? TELL ME NOW!"

"Because some ass raised the bridge! Why don't you go and fix it if you want to leave so damn much?" the Shroomish gave him the key to the inside of the Station... thingy!

* * *

_So, Pikario went inside the Station thingy! He and his party fought stupid Ruff Puffs, got a key, fought stupid Poison Pokeys, went... somewhere... and did a whole lotta shit! He found some Ultra Ass-Kicking Boots and learned how to jump really high and grab onto to stuff exactly 4,839,089 feet in the air! WOW! Eventually, he got a key and took an elevator to the second floor and was overrun with some awful, stinky, purple thingies, also known as Grimers! _

"Smorg! Smorg! Smorg! Smorg! Smorg! Smorg! Smorg! Etcetera!" the Grimer shouted!

"Smorg?" Pikario asked, in confusion!

"Is that some kind of a new soda, or something?" Squirt asked!

Pikario shrugged! "Let's just kill them and get the hell out of here!"

_And he did just that! Well, he really just threw rocks and his Hammer at them until they ran away, revealing the switch to the drawbridge out side! Crusher flipped the switch and the bridge was fixed! HURRAH! That rhymed, too! Getting back onto the train, everybody had a stripper party for Pikario... and themselves, of course! Alotta stuff that shouldn't be mentioned here happened and then, Pikario went to sleep! The End!

* * *

_

**Day 3!**

_**OMG! It's Morning Now! OMG!**

* * *

_

_The next day, Pikario woke his friends, as something foul was in the air!_

The Pikachu frowned! "What in god's name is that god-awful smell?"

Pikella covered her nose! "Squirt..."

The Squirtle put his hands up in defense! "It wasn't me! I swear it!"

_The train turned into a sock!_

Crusher sat up! "What the hell?"

Pikario went to the front of the train! "I'm complaining about this shit!"

_And he did just that!_

"Dude! What's up with this place? IT'S A FREAKING SOCK!" Pikario demanded!

The engineer panicked! "Well, this Grimer thingy jumped onto the window and another one got on, then another, and another _and now they're all over the damn train! **I CAN'T SEE WHERE WE'RE GOING!"

* * *

**_

_Pikario and friends knew that, like, driving a train blind was, like, a bad idea, so, they went to the back of the train to get the conductor, but he and the waitress were being attacked by the Smorg thingies! Everybody fought off the Smorgs and they ran to the top of the train with the rest of the passengers! OH NO! But Pikario followed them! YAY!_

Pikario squinted with all the wind in his eyes! "Damn! I can't see!"

"Smorg! Smorg! Smorg! Ah, you get the idea!" the Smorgs shouted!

_Flurrie blew away some Smorgs and Ms. Rwatt used her** SUPER AWESOME NINJA SKILLS **to trick some of the Smorgs to jump off the train, but they were still everywhere!_

Vivian stood near the edge of the train! "I'm about to go insane! Don't make me jump! I'll jump! I really will! These Smorgs are getting on my last nerves! THEY JUST WON'T DIE!"

Pikario took out his gun again! "Fine, then! I challenge you to a gunfight! If I win, you get the hell outta here! If you win, you can have Pikella!"

Pikella did a double-take! "WHAT?"

"Ok! We can rape her, or something!" the Smorgs said, getting together and becoming a big ass Smorg-like thingy! He also had the other passengers with him, but Pikario didn't care!

_**ENTER BATTLE MODE! OMG! SMORG'S GOT A GUN!**_

Smorg got out a machine gun! **"SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORG!"**

Pikario took out his .38! "Let's do this shit!"

_**Ultimate Staredown! 3... 2... 1...! SHOOT THE DAMN GUN!**_

Pikario started shooting like crazy, making Smorg drop his gun! "Hah! Bastard! Take that!"

_Smorg turned into Smorg Miasma, who... used **FREAKY DANCE AND DID 10 DAMAGE TO SQUIRT! AHH!**_

_Pikario used Thunder! **It didn't work!**_

_Bobbery used Explosion! **It didn't work! **Bobbery fainted!_

**_"SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORG!"_** Smorg Miasma taunted!

Pikario shook his fist! "Son of a bitch!"

_Vivian used Will-O-Wisp! It didn't work!_

_Flurrie used Icy Wind! It didn't work!_

_Smorg Miasma did… something… and… **IT DIDN'T WORK!**_

Pikario pulled out another shotgun! "You're goin' down, asshole!"

Smorg pulled out a heat-seeking missile!**_ "SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORG!"_**

Pikella warned Pikario! "Don't let him launch that! It'll blow up the train!"

_Pikario got out... A POW Block! OMG!_

Pikella sweatdropped. "You're kidding, right?"

"Watch me!" Pikario used the POW Block!

**_SMORG EXPLODED! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! HE FLEW OUT ALL OVER THE SURPRISED AUDIENCE! _**

_**EXIT BATTLE MODE! NOW, SMORG IS FREE TO TAKE OVER THE AUDIENCE! GASP! LOL!

* * *

**_

_**Later, everybody was back in the nonsock-like train, all safe-like and stuff!**_

Chef ShootMeIMeanShimi bounced up and down! "Wow! Thanks a got! Gah! Stupid tongue! I mean A LOT! I shall punish you, you evil tongue!" So he, like, cut off his own tongue with his butcher knife! Ouch!

The conductor smiled! "We'll be getting to Pussy Heights, soon, so get ready for more sex!"

Squirt sweatdropped. "Just great..."

"Pikario... I hate to tell you this, but I think I'm pregnant..." Pikella said out of nowhere!

Pikario was in shock! **"NO WAY! NOT AGAIN!"**

Pikella sweatdropped. "I was already pregnant, dumbass..."

Pikario pointed his gun at her! "Don't play games with me!"

* * *

_Hooray! The 3 days are up and now Pikario is at Pussy Heights, well-known for its fancy-ass rich_ _Pokémon natives and their expensive, but nasty and disturbing statues all over the place! W00t!_

Bobbery looked at the Star map thingy! "I say, old boy! Looks like the Garnet Crystal Star is at the Pussy Heights Museum!"

Pikario stole a nasty and disturbing-looking statue and ran off! "Then let's go already!"

_So, everybody ran to the Pussy Heights Museum, but the door was locked!_

Pikario slammed the nasty and disturbing-looking statue against the door! **_"OPEN UP, GOD DAMN YOU!"_**

Then, Pennington arrived and he was furious! **_"WHAT THE HELL? Damn communists! If you want to get in the fucking door, just let me open it first! DAMN!"_**

"I thought you were a detective!" Crusher said!

"So? Detectives make money and money leads to things like this!" the Delibird answered, going inside!

* * *

_Once inside, there was huge painting on the wall of all of the Paper Mario 2 partners and everybody on it was dramatically detailed! Yay! But then... BOOM! _

_Beldam, Marilyn, and Doopliss had broken in through the window and they were stealing the Garnet Crystal Star!_

Beldam grabbed the Garnet Crystal Star! "Mwee hee hee hee hee hee... and shit! We finally have the Star now!"

"GUH!" Marilyn shouted, like the retard she was!

"I broke the window!" Doopliss proudly announced!

_And so, the three left with the Garnet Crystal Star! Oh, shit!_

"Hey! We've, like, gotta go after them and stuff!" Squirt shouted!

_Before anyone else could do anything, Pennington grabbed the **REAL** Garnet Crystal Star that was hidden under a curtain or something, meaning that Pikario wouldn't have to go inside the painting to get it because the Authoress thinks it would really save a lot of time if they didn't! **SO THERE!** The PM: TTYD picture of the partners is much, much better, anyway!_

"Here! Shigeru Miyamoto may be a communist, but god damn it, he's the smartest man in the world, so take this in honor of my gratitude!

Pikario snatched the Star! "Well, that was easy!"

**_TAAAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Pikario got theGarnet Crystal Star! His Star Power is Now 7! He Can Use the Attack "Showstopper"! YAY!_**

_1234567123456712345671234567**EnD oF ChApTEr!**1234567123456712345671234567 _

* * *

_Wow! How fucking fun was that? Pikario got to ride a sexually disturbed train full of hookers, he solved a mystery case, saved the day, beat the Smorg Miasma's ass AND got the Garnet Crystal Star! Only one more to go, and then you guys know what's going to happen! Sew! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_

* * *

_**Peach's (Last) Event!**_

**_"GODDAMN IT! WHY CAN'T I EVER GET WHAT I WANT AROUND HERE, HUH?"_** Grodius shouted, waving his arms around!

"Sorry, man! Pikario got the Garnet Crystal Star!" an X-Naut said!

"Damn!" Grodius blew up a random X-Yux floating around the room! Yay!

"Also..." the X-Naut whispered to Grodius, causing him to blow up, yet, another unfortunate X-Yux flying around the room!

**_"TREASOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"_** Grodius bellowed and walked off, but not before blowing up a Z-Yux who was eavesdropping on them!

Peach walked into TEC's room, which was full of X-Nauts! "Hello, TEC! How's the virus thing with AOL going?"

TEC groaned, giving an X-Naut a drink! **_"AWFUL! THOSE DAMN FIREWALLS ALWAYS HAVE THE STUPID BACKDRAFTS!"_**

Peach got sad! "Awwwwwwwww..."

TEC blinked on and off in excitement, as he just remembered something very important! "Ooh! **OOOH!** Peach, guess what?"

Peach smiled crazily!** "WHAT?"**

**"WE'RE ON DA MOON!"** TEC shouted!

"Wow! Da Moon!" Peach said, happily!

"Yeah, Da Moon! Da one in outer space! **_MWAHAHAHAHA!"_** TEC laughed, handing a smoothie to another cute X-Naut!

"Hey, TEC! What's with all the X-Nauts?" Peach asked!

"Well, I'm trying to raise spare change by giving out smoothies and drinks to these guys for 5,849 dollars each! Trying to take over Venus costs money, and that's something I don't have!" TEC replied, giving some random X-Naut a chocolate shake!

"Oh, yay! Can I have one?" Peach asked!

"Sure!" TEC gave her a peach-flavored smoothie, free of charge! **OMG, THAT'S SO SWEET! ROTFLMAO!**

"Yay!" Peach rejoiced!

"And I'm going to tell you something else, too!" TEC said.

Peach slurped her drink! **_"WHAT IS IT?"_**

"Grodius plans on using your body to..." TEC whispered the rest to Peach, who gasped in shock!

"Oh, my! Pikario might get mad at that! I'm going to mail him and tell him what's been going on around here on Da Moon!" Peach got on TEC and started typing! "_'Hi... Pikario! Look at me! I'm typing! ...Yay!...'_"

_Just then, Grodius busted in, scaring all the X-Nauts who were hanging around and chilling out with their overly-priced drinks and stuff!_

**"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?"** he demanded!

**_"UH-OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_** TEC shouted, idiotically!

**"I KNEW THAT SOMETHING WAS GOING ON WHEN ALL THE X-NAUTS DISAPPEARED EXCEPT FOR ONE!"** Grodius shouted!

"Dude, we're on our lunch break!" an X-Naut said!

"And I'm trying to raise money so I can use it for complete and total world domination!" TEC said!

Grodius shook his fist! "Damn computer! I can't rule the world if you keep giving out free smoothies like **THAT!"**

Free? Wait…** YOU'RE RIGHT! I SHOULD'VE CHARGED THEM WITH AN EVEN 6,000 DOLLARS! AT THE PRICES I CHARGED THEM WITH, I WAS PRACTICALLY GIVING THEM AWAY!"** TEC shouted!

"Now I don't get a decent profit! All right, then! X-Nauts turn off TEC! He has a lot to learn in world of financing!" Grodius ordered!

Peach continued typing! _"...'and I love you... very much... and... please... save... me... soon... because... there's this evil guy... who wants to... use my body... to... um…do stuff… that I can't say… outloud… cause it… will spoil the…plot!' _Yay! I'm finished!"

Grodius sweatdropped! "Good! Now turn him off!"

_Peach pushed the 'Send' button just as the X-Nauts turned off TEC!_

"You'll regret what you've done one day, you evil bastard! Pluto just called an hour ago and he said he's gonna kick your..." TEC turned off!

"Oh, poo! Now I don't have anybody crazy to talk to anymore! I'm so lonely!" Peach whined!

_"I'M CRAZY! BWAHAHAHAHA!"_ Grodius laughed!

"But you're crazy **_and_** evil!" Peach pointed out!

"...Wanna go to the zoo?" Grodius asked, changing the subject!

Peach jumped up and down! "Okay! The zoo! Yay!"

* * *

_**Bowser's Event!**_

Bowser walked up in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard, coughing up smoke! "Damn it! I'm never gonna find any of those goddamned Crystal Stars! It's hopeless!"

"Hey, Bowser!" Kammy flew up on her broom! "Lord Bowser! The Koopas said they found some shit in the Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers! I think we should go there!"

Bowser walked off! "Well, it's better than nothing, I guess!"

Then, Chuigi walked up out of nowhere! **"WHAT ABOUT _MY_ NEEDS? WHY NOT CARE ABOUT _ME_ FOR ONCE? I SWEAR, ALL YOU GUYS EVER THINK ABOUT ARE YOUR DAMN GBAS AND MP3S! _GET A LIFE ALREADY!"_**

_**MWAHAHAHAHA!** Bowser tapped into the power of the old skool Super Mario Bros. game and went though his own castle... or something like that! He jumped over lava, set some X-Nauts on fire with a conveniently-placed box of matches he had, and... um... STUFF! Anyway, he eventually came to a secret training room with Kammy, who saw something!_

"My lord! Look! It's a Crystal Star! Let's get it before we're caught up in some random plot twist, where a stupid chicken walks in here and tries to stop us!" Kammy said!

Then, Rawk Hawk walked in! "HEY! LOSERS! What the hell do you think you're doing here? This room is for sexual pleasure only, and I sure ain't seeing it!"

Bowser laughed at him! "Sexual pleasure? BAH! I'm not a virgin and I'm pretty sure Kammy's not either! Are **_YOU?"_**

**_"THAT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS! I TAKE STEROIDS NOW!"_** Rawk Hawk used Sky Uppercut on Kammy, knocking her into the 'Gold Crystal Star'!

Bowser knocked him over with a Hydro Pump! "Wimp! With my powerful box of matches AND water, you can never defeat me!"

Kammy freaked out! "My lord! The Star!"

"Quick, get the Star before it flies away!" Bowser commanded!

_The Star exploded!_

Rawk Hawk coughed and laughed! "Ha ha... You're too late, man... The Crotch Killer... he already got the real Gold Crystal Star... Ha..."

Bowser stomped the ground! **_"DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!"_**

Kammy sighed. "Another one bites the dust I suppose..."

* * *

_And now for a teaser! Oh, I'm so evil!_

**_NEXT TIME! "ON COLLEGE RULE PIKARIO: THE VERY OLD DOOR THINGY!"_**

"_MWAHAHAHA! This thing doesn't have any tissues!" Crump shouted!_

_"Sie können unsere Bombe hier nicht benutzen, verschwindet jetzt, Sie kleine Bastarde!" the mayor shouted!_

_Pikario frowned! "What'd he say?"_

"_You must... save PEACH! GAH!" TEC said!_

"_MWAHAHAHAHAHA! You can never stop me now!" the Metallic Thwomp laughed!_

"_**GOD DAMN IT! WHY WAS SHIGERU MIYAMOTO HERE? WHAT DOES HE NEED WITH THE CRYSTAL STARS?"** Bowser growled, stomping the ground!_

"_Hey, guys... how can we breathe?" Crusher asked!_

_Bobbery read the note! "It says 'Today's code is PAPERMARIO:TTYDISAWESOMEANDIFYOUDON'THAVEITYOU'REASHITFACE!'"_

_Screamy sighed. "On this day, a legend is born... He shall rise to the challenge and claim victory over the King..."_

_The X-Yux bounced about! "Look! LOOK! I'm an X-Yux! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X!"_

_"Aussehen! Ich kann Sie verstehen, und ich weiß, dass Sie eine Kanone haben!" Bobbery said!_

_Crusher threw his arms up! "Who is this guy? **RIP VAN-STINKIN'-WINKLE?"**_

_Pikario smelled the room! "Peach... she was...in heat... SHE WAS JUST HERE!"_

_The mayor slapped Bobbery somehow! "Schließen es, scheißen Gesicht!"_

"_Dude, that's so not cool..." the X-Naut said!_

"_Da... I speak the English!" General Red-and-White announced!_

_Crump sighed. "Maybe we should relocate?"_

"_Я не понимаю ваши слова," the mayor replied!_

_Franklyidunno jumped up in surprise! **"WHAT THE HELL?"

* * *

**_

**_Authoress' Notes:_** _Sorry! I know it's been well over 2 weeks, but I've been lazy and bored! Dry spells come very seldom, okay? Notice how everything that was said in the teaser in Chapter 5 was here, as well?_ _The_ _story might be ending by, uh... maybe June? Late or early, but more likely late June. BTW, I didn't use Lord Luffy's suggestion for Smorg because I think Gastlys have been used enough (Doopliss, Boos, Embers, Lava Bubbles, and eventually Phantom Embers) and I like the name 'Miasma'. It sounds cool, lol. Also, to answer Lord Luffy's question about what Flavio said last chapter, he meant that his anger matched that of a math teacher who has a lot of failing grades, or 'F's, like he stated. I guess I should've made that a little more clearer, huh? Also, again, now that all the partners have been found, do you see the irony in their attitudes? (**Hint:** It has something to do with Pokémon Versions R/S/E/FR/LG and beyond.) Oh, yeah... and the crack Pennington about the 20th of June, 16 years ago... look in my bio and you'll see why Pikario couldn't tell him where he was. XD _


	8. 7: Pikario Shoots Da Moon with His 38!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Gah! I'm such an idiot! In all my haste from last chapter, I forgot to put in Pikella's Tattle for Smorg Miasma! But, fortunately, I have overly-dedicated fans like Lord Luffy to help with that! Check it out:_

"This is a Smorg! A whole shitload of Grimers with a kick-ass machine gun! You can kill it by killing its Smorg Miasmas," Pikella said.

Pikario made a face. "Smorg my **WHAT?"**

_I'm totally serious! Lord Luffy thought that up, so kudos to him and his loyalty to this story! It makes me feel all warm and cozy inside when people pay that much attention to what I write! Ok, enough of my shit and on with the fic!

* * *

_

_**College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!**_

_**Chapter 7:** Pikario Shoots Da Moon with His .38! (Not Really!)

* * *

_

_Pikario and friends decided not to ride the Excess Sex Express on the way home, due to the fact that Pikario had found a pipe as a shortcut to Thisinstareallygooplacetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard Sewers! Yay for Warp Pipes! Anyway, Pikario did the Crystal Star shit, got another map location, then went to see Franklyidunno! But somehow, or another, they ran into Chuigi **AGAIN!**_

"Chuigi, has it ever come to your attention that I don't care what the hell you're doing?" Pikario asked, angrily.

"Even if it did, I'd still bug you about it. Now, anyway! I went to this place called GrumbleGrumbleImSuchAFuckingGrouch Forest, where I found the RappinLikeThereAintNoTommorrow Ruins! Dude! It was full of R&B music there!" Chuigi explained!

Pikario rolled his eyes. "Yeah..."

"Then, I found this guy who said something about this other guy who was sleeping, and I was like 'What the fuck?' So, I looked for the Compass Piece Thingy, but I stubbed my fucking toe on the wall and screamed and I woke the guy up!"

Pikario laughed. "Are you sure you weren't drunk when all this happened?"

Chuigi stomped his foot in anger! "Yes, I'm sure! I even got this guy with me! Tell him the same thing you told me!"

Screamy sighed. "On this day, a legend is born... He shall rise to the challenge and claim victory over the King..."

"See?" Chuigi boasted! "And the other guy said some shit about the Compass Piece Things and some Luff empire, but I wasn't listening, so he just gave me one and the whole place disappeared!"

Pikario shook his head. "I'm telling you, man... You were drunk..."

Chuigi continued! "So, now, I have to go to OMGIhatethissongbecauseitsbyBritneySpears Tower for the final Boss fight!"

"Yes... and fulfill his destiny..." Screamy added!

Chuigi smacked him! "Shut up! Only talk your mumbo-jumbo shit when I tell you to!"

* * *

_Pikario figured that Chuigi was probably drunk when all this crap happened, so he and his friends all left and ran to Franklyidunno's place for some more logical answers! The old, deranged Pikachu sat in his house, setting random things on fire when the group walked in!_

"What are you doing?" Bobbery asked, slightly annoyed by the Pikachu's doings!

Franklyidunno turned around!**_ "WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? I'M DESTROYING ANY EVIDENCE THAT MIGHT SEND ME TO JAIL! THE STORY'S GONNA BE OVER AFTER NEXT CHAPTER, SO I'M PACKING UP AND LEAVING! AFTER YOU GET THE NEXT STAR, I WON'T EVEN BE HERE!"_**

"Well, can you tell us about where to go from the Garnet Star we just got?" Crusher asked, also slightly annoyed!

"**_WHATEVER!"_** Franklyidunno rolled his eyes!

_So, Pikario gave him the map so he could look at it and tell them where the hell to go so they could get the next Star!_

Franklyidunno jumped up in surprise! **_"WHAT THE HELL?"_**

Everyone was shocked! **"WHAT? WHAT IS IT?"**

Franklyidunno looked over the map! **"THE NEXT STAR IS..."**

Everyone was excited! **"YES?"**

"It's..."

"_**YES?"**_

Franklyidunno threw the map down in a fit! **_"IT'S ON DA FUCKING MOON! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT?"_**

Vivian gasped! "Oh, wow! The Moon?"

"No, you ass! **_Da_** Moon! It has a name, ya know!" Crusher corrected her!

"Oh," Vivian said!

"How the hell can we get to Da Moon?" Pikario asked! "It's in Outer Space and we're... **NOT!"**

"**_WELL, YOU CAN GO TO THIS PLACE FAHR-OUWTMANN POST AND ASK THE BOB-OMBS THERE! BOBBERY COULD HELP YOU WITH THAT! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_** Franklyidunno shouted!

"Ah, Fahr-OuwtMan Post... good times... _good times..."_ Bobbery reminisced!

Pikario got pissed! "Shut up! We need to go there, so go already!"

"**_OH, YEAH, AND YOU NEED THE ULTRA-ASS HAMMER IN ORDER TO GET THERE, SO GO AND GET THAT FIRST!"_** Franklyidunno told the group as they ran off, Bobbery leading the way!

* * *

_Along the way, Pikario's Nintendo DS started ringing, shouting "YOU'VE GOT MAIL! BETTER ANSWER IT BEFORE I SHOOT YOUR ASS!"!_

Pikario took it out and looked at it! "Since when can you use a DS as a computer?"

"Since any handheld made by Nintendo is almighty and overpowering!" Ms. Rwatt answered!

Pikario opened the DS! "She's got a point... **_WHAT?"_**

Bobbery peeked over his shoulder to see Pikario's DS! "What's the trouble, old boy?"

"**_THIS E-MAIL'S FROM PEACH!"_** Pikario shouted, excitedly!

Vivian bounced up and down! "Ooh, yay! Read it! Read it!"

"Don't rush me! This MY girl, you know?" Pikario growled, then started reading:

_'Hi, Pikario! Look at me! I'm typing! Yay! Guess what? I'm on DA MOON! YAY FOR ME! And there's Moon Stuff here! Like rocks and stars and Outside Space! When you get here, be careful because I worry about you and I love you very much and please save me soon because there's this evil guy who wants to use my body to... um…do stuff that I can't say outloud cause it will spoil the plot!'_

_Love, um... someone whose name I can't remember, but I think it was Peach! Hahaha!'_

"Um... a bit of a ditz, isn't she?" Flurrie said.

"I thought she was a lot smarter than that! Like Pikella, or something!" Vivian admitted!

"Smartness has nothing to do with it!" Pikario roared, slamming the DS shut! "I need sex, and to have that, I have to save Peach, so that's what we're doing! **_NOW, ARE YOU GUYS IN OR OUT?"_**

"**_WE'RE IN!" _**Everybody responded! What Team Spirit!

* * *

_**WHOO-HOO!** Now we're all off to get the Final Crystal Star! YAY! Pikario found the Ultra-Ass Hammer on top of a high platform, but instead of Spring Jumping to get it, he just set the entire thing on fire! Wow, nice thinking, Pikario! Anyway, he got the Ultra-Ass Hammer and found the pipe leading to Fahr-OuwtMann Post in the Sewers, so off we go!_

Pikario stepped out of the pipe and instantly shivered! **_"WHAT THE HELL?"_**

"AHHHH! It's cold! It's cold! OUCH!" Squirt whimpered, jumping back in the pipe!

"This can't be Fahr-OuwtMann Post! It's too cold!" Vivian whined!

"Oh, but it is!" Bobbery, not affected by the frosty climate, informed the freezing group! "I can't believe none of you have ever heard of this place! It's quite cold here."

"**_WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US THAT BEFORE WE GOT HERE?"_** Pikella roared at the sailor Bob-omb guy!

Bobbery sweatdropped! "Well, I thought you would all get used to it! It's not that bad..."

Ms. Rwatt laughed! "Bobbery's right, my dearies! A ninja like myself will not be stopped by a little snow and ice! I scoff at you, cold! Scoff, I say!"

"I find this freezing breeze to be quite relieving! It's simply the best! I must plan to relocate my quarters here," Flurrie sang, entranced by the snowflakes!

"Dude, ice doesn't bug me! Water does, but not ice!" Crusher said.

"You're a Fire-type, Flurrie's a freaking Jynx, ninjas are weird, and Bobbery's been here before, but what about the rest of us?" Pikario growled.

"Hey, man! That's what _I'm_ for!" Crusher bragged!

_Using a fearsome Flamethrower, Crusher melted most of the snow on the ground! Yay!_

Squirt came out of the pipe. "It's kinda nippy, but this is better..."

Pikario raised a fist! "Sweet! Bobbery and Crusher, lead the way, and if either off you slack off, so help me, I will kill you both and eat your intestines!"

* * *

_Okay... so after Pikario's strange and confusing threat, Crusher continued using Flamethrower around the snow and the partners in order to keep them warm, while Bobbery lead the way to Fahr-OuwtMann Post! Wow, what a team! _

"Well, we're here... Now what?" Pikella asked.

Pikario walked up to a random Bob-omb! "You! Tell me how the hell I can get to Da Moon!"

"Ach, mein Gott! Sie sind hier! Sie sind hier! **_LAUFEN Sie FÜR IHRE LEBEN! DIE FREMDEN SIND HIER!"_** the Bob-omb replied, running away! _1)_

Pikario frowned, then turned to Bobbery, very pissed off! "That guy just said something to me in German..."

Once again, Bobbery sweatdropped! "Oh... well, sorry, old boy... It seems that I forgot to mention that everyone here can only speak that language..."

Crusher sighed! "Well, that's just great! NOW what?"

"Don't fret, now! Fortunately, I had the privilege of growing up here! Therefore, I can also speak fluent German!" Bobbery admitted!

Flurrie sweatdropped. "Darling, don't you think you should start telling us these kinds of things?"

* * *

_Hooray! Bobbery can speak German! Is there anything this guy CAN'T do? Well, actually, there's a lot of things he can't do, but that's not the point! The point is that Bobbery and friends kept walking along until they found the mayor! Pikario instantly stormed up to him!_

"Tell us how to get to Da damn Moon!" he shouted!

"Sie können unsere Bombe hier nicht benutzen, verschwindet jetzt, Sie kleine Bastarde!" the mayor shouted back! _2)_

"Pikario, weren't you listening to Bobbery? He just said that everybody here only speaks German!" Pikella reminded the horny Pikachu!

"Zuhört dem Fett Ein und bedenkt Ihr eigenes Geschäft!" the mayor replied! _3)_

Pikario frowned! "What'd he say?"

"Was? Wer sind Sie? Ich verstehe Sie nicht!"the mayor asked, annoyed. _4)_

"Step aside, Pikario, and I shall see!" Bobbery said.

"Sie können nicht liegen, aber Sie sind unsinnig! Verlassen Sie jetzt, bevor Sie alle tötet!" the mayor said! _5)_

"Aussehen! Ich kann Sie verstehen, und ich weiß, dass Sie eine Kanone haben!" Bobbery said! _6)_

"Я не понимаю ваши слова," the mayor replied! _7)_

Bobbery narrowed his only-seen eye! "Я говорю по-русски, также ..." _8)_

The mayor slapped Bobbery somehow! "Schließen es, scheißen Gesicht!" _9)_

"Sie **HERAUSFORDERN** Schlag ein Beamter? Warum spucke ich auf Ihnen und Ihren grausamen Absichten! Spucke, ich sagen!" Bobbery shouted, enraged! _10)_

"Sie werden nicht angenommen, andere um die Kanone zu erzählen!" the mayor said! _11)_

"Wenn wir nicht machen, könnte die Welt beenden!" Bobbery spat! _12)_

The mayor looked surprised! "Oh... Sparende Welt? Gut im Fall... Wenn Sie Goldbomb und Allgemein Rot-und-Weiß finden, mir überlege ich noch einmal. Ohne sie, ist Kanone kaput!" _13)_

Bobbery walked away! "Belegt mit einer Geldstrafe dann! Wir werden so machen!" _14)_

"What was that all about?" Pikario asked!

"Old chap, the mayor says that we have to find Goldbomb and General Red-and-White in order to start up the cannon!" Bobbery reported!

"I don't even know who the hell those guys are!" Pikario growled!

"Wasn't Goldbomb that guy on the train with his wife and kid?" Crusher asked.

"And I think General Red-and-White was in PeachyKeenburg, but I can't really remember..." Squirt said.

Pikario sighed. "Here we go again..."

* * *

_So, the team set off to find Goldbomb first! Since the Excess Sex Express was leaving for Pussy Heights, the group went there first! _

Goldbomb bounced up and down! "No! No! No! No! No! Bub said he wants to be a basketball player, my dear, therefore, we shall buy him Michael Jackson!"

Sylvia sweatdropped. "No, Goldbomb! We need to buy him supplies so he can **_become_** a basketball player! And you mean Michael **_JORDAN_**, not Michael **_JACKSON!"_**

"**_SILENCE, WOMAN! WHAT I SAY GOES, CAUSE I'M THE MAN!"_** Goldbomb roared!

Pikario walked up to the pompous-looking Electrode! "Hey, you Goldbomb?"

Goldbomb turned around! "Yeah? So?"

"We need your ass at Fahr-OuwtMann Post so we can use your freaking cannon to get to Da Moon!" Pikario shouted!

"Okay, but only if you give me all of your money! **WAHAHAHAHAHA!"** the Electrode laughed all evilly-like until Sylvia knocked him out the way and gave Pikario the Goldbomb Guide to the cannon!

"Here! Take this and use the cannon as you please! My husband won't have any use for it..." she mumbled.

Goldbomb got pissed! "The hell with you! I may not need it right now, but it's the only way I can truthfully say **'POW! TO DA MOON!'** **_HAHAHAHAHA!"_**

Bub bounced around! "Hey, mom! Can we have Michael Jackson over for dinner? He could teach me how to play basketball!"

* * *

_And so, with the Goldbomb Guide in tow, Pikario and the others went back to PeachyKeenburg, looking for General Red-and-White!_

"General Red-and-White? Yeah, he was here a moment ago, but he just left to go to some island!" a random Koopa informed everyone!

Pikario hit Squirt! "Ass! I told you he wasn't here!"

"**_I'M SORRY!"_** Squirt whined!

* * *

_So, they went to Kill-All Key, but General Red-and-White wasn't there either! What a shitty letdown! The gang ended up going all over the world looking for General Red-and-White! They went to China, Spain, Mexico, Africa, the Netherlands, Indonesia, the USA, Australia, and even Japan, but to no avail! General Red-and-White couldn't be found! Exhausted, the posse went back to Fahr-OuwtMann Post, Pikario griping all the way!_

"Well, that was stupid! Damn, where the hell is this guy?" Pikario complained!

"Maybe he's dead..." Vivian mused.

"Maybe the poor dear's in denial and he's avoiding us..." Flurrie said!

"Or maybe he just doesn't give a damn about his cannon!" Crusher added!

_Getting back to Fahr-OuwtMann Post, Bobbery went to tell the mayor the bad news!_

"Brunnen? Wo ist Allgemein Rot-und-Weiß?" the mayor asked Bobbery. _15)_

The sailor Bob-omb sighed! "Ich zweifle, dass jener Mann sogar lebend ist! Wir sind alle um die Welt gereist, aber wir haben versagt, ihn zu finden!" _16)_

The mayor frowned! "Lächerlich! Allgemein Rot-und-Weiß **_ist_** lebend! Sie finden nur nicht ihn! Sie finden ihn nicht, haben wir keine Kanone! Wir haben keine Kanone, könnte Welt beenden!" _17)_

"Aber wir haben Goldbomb gefunden und wir haben den Wegweiser zur Kanone!" Bobbery said, showing him the Goldbomb Guide! _18)_

The Voltorb shook his head. "Das nicht gut genug! Nur Rot-und-Weiß kann Anweisungen lesen!" _19)_

Bobbery then exploded! _**"SIE REDEN UNSINN!"** 20)_

The mayor also exploded! _**"Ich MACHE KEIN SOLCH DING! VERDAMMEN Sie ES, WIR BRAUCHEN ALLGEMEIN ROT-UND-WEISS, KANONE ZU FEUERN, ODER ES GIBT KEIN FEUERN VON DER KANONE!" **21)_

"What do you think they're saying?" Vivian wondered!

"Vivian, no one else here can speak German!" Pikario reminded her!

"But they **_do_** look pretty pissed," Crusher said, watching the 2 Voltorbs continuously explode into each other!

_While Bobbery and the mayor were arguing, Squirt noticed another Voltorb come out of a house! Looking around, he shrugged, then went back inside!_

"Hey... That guy!" Squirt pointed out!

Pikario looked up! "What guy?"

"That guy! Red-and-White! He's in that house over there!" Squirt said.

"Hmmm, well, common sense would've been to look around here first before we went all over the world!" Ms. Rwatt chuckled!

Pikario went over to Bobbery! "Hey, man! We found that Red-and-White guy! **_ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE EXPLODING!"_**

Bobbery stopped fighting! "Oh, really? Well, then what are we waiting for?"

"Ihr Pikachu Freund ist sehr dumm! Er erhält in meinem Weg des Kämpfens Sie!" the mayor shouted, blowing up again! _22)_

_Seeing Bobbery leave with the others made the mayor furious! This caused him to go into a ridiculously long eulogy about how irresponsible Bob-ombs were! How wonderful! Aside from that, the gang found themselves inside General Red-and-White's house, with him sleeping in bed, quite cutely, I might add!_

Pikario cracked his knuckles! "Oh, yeah... This guy's gonna get such an ass-whooping when I wake him up!"

Pikella got mad! "Pikario, don't you dare!"

"Shut it!" Pikario pulled out his Ultra-Ass Hammer and started banging on Red-and-White like there was no tomorrow, but he didn't wake up!

"Yikes..." Vivian said!

"Whoever thinks he's dead, raise their hand!" Crusher joked.

Squirt waved his hand weakly! "Maybe you should check for a pulse..."

Pikario threw his Ultra-Ass Hammer away! "Hell no! Someone do something to wake this freak up so I can kill him!"

_And so, once again, **IT BEGAN!** Everybody started attacking Red-and-White, trying to wake him up! Squirt used Water Gun, Flurrie used Body Slam, Crusher used Flamethrower, Vivian used Shadow Ball, Bobbery used Explosion, Pikario kept whacking him with the Ultra-Ass Hammer, and Pikella threw her Tattle Log at him, but nothing was working!_

Crusher threw his arms up! "Who is this guy? **_RIP VAN-STINKIN'-WINKLE?"_**

Ms. Rwatt loomed over Red-and-White! "Hmmm hmm! I know what he needs!"

Pikario swung his Ultra-Ass Hammer about! "An ass-kicking, right?"

_Ms. Rwatt yanked on Red-and-White's mustache, causing the Voltorb to wake up! Holy hell!_

"去在這裡是關於究竟甚麼?" _23) _Red-and-White asked!

Pikario swetdropped. "Hey, Bobbery... You can speak Chinese, right?"

Bobbery frowned. "No..."

"Just fucking great..." Pikario grumbled!

"嘿嘿！是的，好地看來我終於找到了你!" _24)_ Red-and-White shouted happily!

"Um... you understand us, right?" Squirt asked.

"Da... I speak the English!" General Red-and-White announced!

"Then what the hell was up with the Chinese?" Pikario demanded!

"What? It doesn't hurt to practice does it?" Red-and-White laughed, bouncing up and down! He was obviously a very happy kind of guy!

"Well, that's a relief..." Pikella sighed.

"Anyway, Pikario! I was looking for you! I need the Goldbomb Guide so I can start the cannon!" Red-and-White said.

"You mean to tell me that we've all over the fucking world looking for **YOU** and **YOU** were looking for **US?"** Pikario growled!

Red-and-White bounced! "It would seem so!"

Pikario suddenly towered over Red-and-White with a lot of flames and blood-curdling screams in the background! **_"YOU BASTARD! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK FOR US TO FUCKING FIND YOU? I'LL KILL YOUR ASS!"_**

Red-and-White sweatdropped! "Hey! Hey! I'm sorry! I didn't know! And if you kill me, then who's gonna get you to Da Moon?"

Pikario calmed down and sweatdropped. "You've got a point..."

* * *

_Leading the group past the mayor, still rampaging about immature Bob-ombs, General Red-and-White lead the others to the main part of Fahr-OuwtMann Post! After calling a few other Bob-ombs, General Red-and-White started up the cannon!_

Pikario looked around! "Where the hell's that damn cannon? If that thing could get us to Da Moon, you'd think you could actually see it!"

"Maybe it's invisible!" Vivian proposed!

Pikario glared at her! "No... it's not..."

_Just then, **BOOM!** A big-ass cannon appeared out of nowhere! It was huge! So huge, in fact, that the very tip was, like, inches away from Da Moon! At that length, Pikario would be better off just climbing up the damn thing!_

Pikario looked up at the thing! "Holy crap!"

Squirt sweatdropped. "Don't you think that's a little too close to Da Moon?"

"If we fire off in it like that, we could go right through it!" Vivian panicked!

"And maybe even outside the Solar System!" Crushed added!

"No worries!" Red-and-White said, loading thousands of random Bob-ombs that obviously didn't live in Fahr-OuwtMann Post into the cannon! "You'll go straight there! I promise!"

Pikario grabbed his 'stache! "You'd better be right, man..."

_So, Pikario and friends got all their important shit done and were loaded inside the cannon!_

_3..._

_2..._

_1..._

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! **The cannon was launched and Pikario and company went FLYING! WHEEEEE!_

Red-and-White watched as they all disappeared into the sky, which soon began raining with hundreds of dead or unconscious Bob-ombs! "Good luck, Pikario! **AND GODSPEED!"

* * *

**

_Meanwhile, in Outer Space, everybody was hurdling through the air!_

"**_WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"_** Vivian shouted! "This is fun!"

"**_OH NO! I'M GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA DIIIIIIE!"_** Squirt shouted, withdrawing into his shell!

"**_I SAY!"_** Bobbery exclaimed, spinning out of control, due to his spherical shape!

"**_I THINK I'M GONNA PUKE!"_** Pikella groaned!

"You'll get used to it!" Kirby happily said, riding on his Warp Star, only appearing in this chapter because he likes Stars and Outer Space!

"Look! Da Moon!" Vivian pointed out!

_The group went by Da Moon!_

Flurrie sighed. "Oh, dear..."

Ms. Rwatt sweatdropped. "Um... maybe we can get on Mars?"

"Look! Mars!" Vivian shouted!

_The group went by Mars!_

Pikella went wide-eyed! "That can't be good..."

"What the fuck? That Red-and-White guy's dead meat when I get back!" Pikario rampaged!

"**_IF_** we get back!" Crusher corrected him!

"Look! Jupiter!" Vivian shouted!

_The group went by Jupiter!_

"Stop saying that, Vivian! You're jinxing us!" Crusher demanded!

Flurrie looked peeved! "Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry! It's just really appropriate!" Vivian apologized!

"Well, stop it!" Crusher ordered!

Then, Squirt came out of his shell! "Look! Saturn!"

_The group went by Saturn!_

"**_SQUIRT!"_** Pikario bellowed!

"**_I COULDN'T HELP IT!"_** Squirt whined, going back into his shell!

* * *

_**WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH! KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!** Everybody crash-landed on, wouldn't you know it, URANUS! **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

Pikario pulled his head out of the ground!**_ "GREAT! JUST GREAT! HOW AM I GONNA GET DA MOON, NOW? WE'RE ON FUCKING URANUS!"_**

"_**HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"** _Bobbery laughed for some reason!

Vivian was shocked! "REALLY? EWW!"

"He means the planet, dumbass..." Crusher shrugged.

"Oh... **_EWWWW!"_** Vivian scowled at the ground!

Flurrie straightened her hair. "We might as well look around the place! Maybe we can ask for help!"

"From what? A rock?" Ms. Rwatt picked up rock and threw it into Outer Space!

Pikella was busy thinking! "Hmm..."

"Hey, guys... how can we breathe?" Crusher asked!

_Pikella started to say something, but suddenly stopped when she realized that there was no logical explanation to Crusher's question! As a result, everyone just sat in silence for the next 10 minutes until Pikario randomly slapped Squirt in the head for no apparent reason!_

"Come on! Who cares how can breathe here? **_WE JUST CAN!"_** he shouted!

* * *

_So after that, the gang went in search of something else besides rocks and space! **AND THEY SOON FOUND IT IN THE FORM OF AN X-YUX!**_

The X-Yux bounced about!**_ "Look! LOOK! I'm an X-Yux! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X! X!"_**

"**_SHUT THE HELL UP!"_** Pikario fired off a bazooka and blew up the annoying X-guy, allowing his journey for sex with Peach to continue!

_After a while of floating around on Uranus... **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!** ...they came across a big, freaky building with a lot of lights coming from it!_

Crusher looked off into the distance at the big, freaky building with a lot of lights coming from it! "Hey! That place over there must be the X-Nauts' base!"

"Last one there's an evil X-Naut!" Vivian joked!

Pikario frowned. "Don't get cute..."

"But I thought it was on Da Moon..." Pikella wondered!

* * *

_Despite what Pikella thought, the posse ran towards the big, freaky building with a lot of lights coming from it! When they got in, they were confronted by 2 scary-looking Elite X-Nauts!_

"Hey, man! Isn't that, like, Pikario over there?" one of them asked the other one!

"**_DUDE! IT IS!"_** the other Elite X-Naut freaked out!

"So, man, should we, like, get them and stuff?" one asked!

"Dude! Totally!" the other one agreed!

"Yeah, right..." Crusher sighed, using Fire Blast and killing both Elite X-Nauts before the fight even started!

"Damn, man! They, like, killed us and stuff!" one said!

"Dude! We should totally run away!" the other said!

"Dude... You mean 'float'..." one corrected!

"Whatever..." the other one said, as they both flew off!

Flurrie then noticed a sign! "Oh my! It seems that this ghastly place is called'The X-Nauts' Evil Fortress That Was Once on Da Moon, But Recently Relocated to Uranus_... **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **_...In Order to Trick Pikario Into Going to Da Moon With No Way Back To Wherever the Hell He Came From!_ **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!' **_How absurd!"

"**_And_** it's dumb!" Crusher added!

_Yay! Crusher got a lot of experience points! And now, the boring stuff begins! Pikario went all over the X-Nauts' Evil Fortress That Was Once on Da Moon, But Recently Relocated to Uranus... **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **...In Order to Trick Pikario Into Going to Da Moon With No Way Back To Wherever the Hell He Came From! **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **He walked across electric floors, stole some stuff from Grodius' room, and found a note!_

Bobbery read the note! "It says 'Today's code is PAPERMARIO:TTYDISAWESOMEANDIFYOUDON'THAVEITYOU'REASHITFACE!'"

Pikario sweatdropped. "Okay..."

* * *

_Okay, indeed! Pikario used the note and/or passport thingy and went all over the X-Nauts' Evil Fortress That Was Once on Da Moon, But Recently Relocated to Uranus... **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **...In Order to Trick Pikario Into Going to Da Moon With No Way Back To Wherever the Hell He Came From! **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **He did this until he came to a room with a Steelix statue!_

"What's with that, hmmmmmmmm?" Ms. Rwatt wondered, touching the Steelix!

"**_GRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_** the metal thing roared, waking up!

"Yawn," Pikario plainly sighed!

"**_MWAHAHAHAHAHA! JUST LIKE THE NORMAL THWOMP BEFORE ME, I SHALL CHALLENGE YOU TO THE 66TH ANNUAL SUPER-FUN QUIRK QUIZ AND WIN!"_** the Steel snake laughed!

_Just then, the entire background turned into that of the "Jeopardy" set, with Pikario, Vivian, and Bobbery as the 3 contestants! Why? I DON'T KNOW!_

"**_MWAHAHAHAHAHA! FIRST QUESTION, ASSHOLES! WHAT'S HIDDEN HERE?"_** the Steelix asked!

Vivian buzzed in! "A MONKEY!"

"**_WROOOOOOOOOOOOOONG, YOU BISEXUAL FREAK! YOU LOOOOOOOOSE!"_** he shouted!

Vivian got sad! "Aww..."

"You can never stop me now!" the Metallic Thwomp laughed!

Pikario buzzed in! "We're looking for sex! And a way to kill you! Whichever one comes first!"

"**_OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DAMN! THAT'S THE'S TECHNICALLY CORRECT ANSWER! SHOOT! YOU WIN!"_** the Thwomp that really wasn't a Thwomp said!

_BOOM! Everything went back to normal... if you call this shit normal! _

The Thwomp thingy dropped a Game Boy Color! "Aw! You won my Game Boy... COLOR! Fine then, but I still don't like you!"

_So, taking the not-as-almighty-as-the-Game-Boy-Advance Game Boy Color, but much better that the crappy one that takes up 4 freaking batteries, Pikario carried on with his ridiculous quest for sex and pleasure!

* * *

_

_After a while, Pikario and friends found themselves in a big... room... **THING!** With... **LIGHTS...** and... **A METAGROSS! OH NO!**_

"**_BUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH HUH! LOOK! I SAID IT WITHOUT COUGHING THIS TIME! I AM INVINCIBLE!"_** the Iron Leg thingy said!

"Oh, my god! It's some kind of an Evil... Iron Leg... thing!" Squirt pointed out!

"Yeah, I'm... **_HEY!_** Damn it, I'm Lord Crump! HELLO?" the creepy Psychic/Steel Iron Leg thing with red eyes said! "I've trained so hard that I have become my ultimate form!"

"Eww, you look even uglier than you did last time!" Vivian said!

"No, I don't! I am in my supreme form of supremeness!" Crump laughed, quite evilly I might add!

"Well, you still suck!" Crusher said!

""**_BUH HUH HUH HUH! FOOLS!_** I also had Magnus Von Grapple rebuilt into his supreme form, as well!" Crump added, getting inside a giant, blue and blackish thing with a red 2 on it! "I wanted everybody to know that I he was reformed, so I named him Magnus Von Ass-Kicker, the 2.0 Version of Magnus Von Grapple! **_MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_**

"Okay... But why are you here and not on Da Moon like you were supposed to be, darling?" Flurrie asked!

Crump sweatdropped. "Oh, um... Well, you see... It sorta went something like this..."

**_START FLASHBACK!_**

"Lord Crump! Lord Crump! It's Pikario! He's on his way to Fahr-OuwtMann Post to use their cannon! If he gets here, we'll be finished!" an X-Naut reported!

"And no one knows where Sir Grodius is! **_WE'RE ALL DOOMED! DOOMED, I SAY! DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!"_** a crazy Elite X-Naut screeched!

"Dude, that's so not cool..." the X-Naut said!

Lord Crump slapped the crazy Elite X-Naut! "Shut up! Now that we have Magnus Von Ass-Kicker, the 2.0 Version of Magnus Von Grapple, we shall triumph over Pikario!"

"But he'll still storm the Base, looking us!" an X-Naut PhD said!

Crump sighed. "Maybe we should relocate?"

"Yeah! And confuse Pikario, so when he gets to Da Moon, he'll be trapped there!" an Elite X-Naut said!

"**_BUH HUH HUH HUH! PERFECT!_** Now, let's go pack our things and go to Uranus, because it has a funny name!" Crump ordered!

_**END FLASHBACK!**_

"And that's how it all happened!" Crump finished!

"Has it ever occurred to you that you guys are complete and total asses?" Crusher asked!

Crump got pissed!" No, because we aren't!"

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! LOOK! WE'RE FIGHTING ON URANUS!_** **_HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_**

Pikella used Tattle! "That's Magnus Von Ass-Kicker, the 2.0 Version of Magnus Von Grapple! He's the new and improved version of Magnus Von Grapple, that creepy pink robot we met back in the Great Googly Woods! Well, at least he's not pink anymore... but he **_is_** a lot stronger now!"

"**_MWAHAHAHA!_** This thing doesn't have any tissues!" Crump shouted!

Pikario shrugged. "So?"

Crump sweatdropped. "Um... **_SILENCE!"_**

_Magnus Von Grapple 2.0 used Rocket Fist and did, like, 145 damage to Flurrie! **OH NOOOOOOO!**_

_Crusher used Flamethrower! It's Super Effective!_

_Pikario used Thunder! **IT DIDN'T WORK!**_

"**_MWAHAHAHAHA! YOU SEE?_** You can never defeat me, Pikario! **_BUHUHUHUH!"_** Crump laughed madly!

_Crusher used Fire Blast! It's Super Effective!_

_Then, POOF! Congratulations, Crusher has evolved into a Charizard! Thank the heavens!_

"**_I SAY!"_** Bobbery shouted!

Vivian sweatdropped. "Again?"

Squirt started to cry! "How come **_he_** gets all the glory? I wanna be a big man, too..."

"BAH! Charizards aren't enough to stop me, and I'll prove it, too!" Crump shouted!

_Then, he used Magnus Von Ass-Kicker, the 2.0 Version of Magnus Von Grapple to suck up the audience and use them on Pikario! OH NO!_

"And I'll prove that Charizards can't be stopped by anything!" Crusher shouted and he used Blast Burn, the thing that you can only get in Red Fire/Leaf Green Versions, by the way! **HAHAHAHAHA!**

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!** Magnus Von Ass-Kicker, the 2.0 Version of Magnus Von Grapple **EXPLODED!**_

**_EXIT BATTLE MODE! HOLY SHIT! WE BEAT THAT ROBOT AGAIN!_**

"**_GAH! DAMN YOU, PIKARIO! DAMN YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"_** Crump shouted, blasting off into Outer Space and almost hitting Kirby's Warp Star!

Kirby got mad! "Hey, man! Watch where you're going! There are _other_ people in Outer Space, too, you know! **_GOD!"_**

_**KA-BOOO**... Aw, you get the idea... Magnus Von Ass-Kicker, the 2.0 Version of Magnus Von Grapple exploded and left behind the Crystal Crystal Star! _

Pikario frowned. "The Crystal Crystal Star?"

"That's stupid!" Pikella spat!

"It should be something like the Super-Duper-Pretty Crystal Star!" Vivian said!

Pikario shrugged. "Eh...Okay..."

"Hey, look! We did it together! We're the Magnificent Seven!" Vivian claimed!

"Oh, really?" Flurrie questioned!

"Right! We're... um... cool?" Squirt asked!

"And there's seven of us!" Bobbery added!

Pikella rolled her eyes! "Duh!"

"We're really something, hmm mmm!" Ms. Rwatt said!

"And I'm a Charizard!" Crusher reminded everyone!

"Whatever..." Pikario mumbled, getting the Star!

**_TAAAAAAAAA-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Pikario got the Super-Duper-Pretty Crystal Star! His Star Power is Now 8! He Can Use the Attack "Supernova"! YAY!_**

_1234567123456712345671234567**EnD oF ChApTEr!**1234567123456712345671234567

* * *

_

_ALL RIGHT! THAT'S IT! That was the last Crystal Star and Pikario got it! And you know what that means! That's right! Now, we can actually go INSIDE the Very Old Door Thingy! Unfortunately, Pikario has yet to find Princess Peach or Grodius! Where the hell could they be? Only time will tell! **MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

* * *

_

_**Bowser's (Last) Event!**_

_MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Bowser and Kammy arrived in Pussy Heights, looking for the Garnet Crystal Star! In doing so, they ended up running into Pennington in the Pussy Museum!_

Bowser slapped the Delibird! "Hey! You! Where the hell is the fucking Crystal Star?"

Of course, Pennington got pissed! **_"AH HA! MORE COMMUNISTS! COME TO RAID MY EXTREMELY EMPTY MUSEUM, I SEE! WELL, THAT'S JUST TOO BAD FOR YOU! SHIGERU MIYAMOTO ALREADY STOPPED BY AND HE'S A GENIUS, SO I GAVE HIM THE CRYSTAL STAR! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_**

"**_GOD DAMN IT! WHY WAS SHIGERU MIYAMOTO HERE? WHAT DOES HE NEED WITH THE CRYSTAL STARS?"_** Bowser growled, stomping the ground!

Kammy sighed. "Well, he _did_ make this game..."

"No, he made _"Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door"_! Damn it, now what?" Bowser snarled!

Then a Koopa solider guy came in! "Lord Bowser! It seems that Pikario has gotten all the Crystal Stars and he's headed for the Very Old Door Thingy!"

Bowser was outraged! **_"WHAT? HE IS?_** Quick, to the Very Old Door Thingy!"

Kammy saluted her master! "Yes, sir!"

_**DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA! BOW-SERRRRRRRR!**_

_Uh oh! It looks like Bowser and Pikario might just face off once again!

* * *

_

**_Meanwhile, back on Uranus! ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_**

_Pikario was lost in the X-Nauts' Evil Fortress That Was Once on Da Moon, But Recently Relocated to Uranus... **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **...In Order to Trick Pikario Into Going to Da Moon With No Way Back To Wherever the Hell He Came From! **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**_

"Quick, quick! We must escape and find the Princess!" Bobbery exclaimed!

"But we don't know where she is!" Squirt shrugged!

Crusher sniffed the air! "Ha! Now that I'm a Charizard, my smelling senses are some of the best around! I can smell anything now!"

"Why?" Squirt asked!

Crusher used Fly on Squirt and knocked him over! **_"DO NOT QUESTION THE MIGHTY CHARIZARD, FOR I HOLD THE POWER OF DOING ANYTHING I WANT BECAUSE THE ALMIGHTY AUTHORESS LIKES CHARIZARDS!"_**

_It's true! I **DO** love Charizards, not as much as Blastoise, but Squirt's not going to evolve anytime soon, so Crusher's the closest we're gonna get! Using his super-awesome powers of smelling stuff, Crusher flew everybody to the bottom floor of X-Nauts' Evil Fortress That Was Once on Da Moon, But Recently Relocated to Uranus... **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **...In Order to Trick Pikario Into Going to Da Moon With No Way Back To Wherever the Hell He Came From! **HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

* * *

_

_Upon arriving in some weird-smelling room, Pikario slammed his face on a towel on the floor!_

"This towel!" Pikario huge a HUGE whiff! "It's covered with vaginal juice!"

Pikella sweatdropped. "Did you _really_ have to announce that?"

Pikario smelled the room! "Peach... she was...in heat... **_SHE WAS JUST HERE!"_**

Crusher also smelled the room! "She left exactly 2 seconds ago! Damn!"

Pikario ran into another room! "Maybe she's in here!"

"You must... save PEACH! GAH!" TEC said!

Pikario looked up! "What the hell?"

"I said... 'You must... save PEACH! GAH!' Damn, are you deaf, or something?" TEC repeated!

Pikario pushed some buttons and crap! **_"TELL ME, WHERE THE HELL IS SHE? NOW!"_**

"It's... Sir Grodius! GAH! He took her... Very Old Door THING! Go and save her ass... before it's too... LATE! GAH!" TEC blinked on and off crazily!

Pikario rammed his head into TEC's keyboard! **_"TELL... ME... NOW... YOU PIECE OF SHITTY-ASS JUNK!"_**

"**_I JUST DID, DAMN YOU!"_** the computer shouted, shocking Pikario and killing him, but he came back because I said so! "Take the teleporter thing upstairs and go to her! SAVE HER FOR ME!"

"You filthy bastard! You got her pregnant, didn't you?" Pikario accused!

"**_I'M A FREAKING COMPUTER! HOW THE HELL CAN I GET SOMEONE PREGNANT?"_** TEC shouted!

"I do _not _know!" Pikario replied!

"Yeah... well... take the teleport thingy back to the Very Old Door Thingy and save Peach, or the world will cease to exist!" TEC said!

_Pikario knew he didn't want the world to end, due to the fact that he wasn't ready to die yet! So, he used the teleporter and left Uranus!_ **_HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!_**

_**Now, for the climax, but you'll see that next chapter!

* * *

**_

_And now for a teaser! Oh, I'm so evil!_

_**NEXT TIME! ON "COLLEGE RULE PIKARIO: THE VERY OLD DOOR THINGY!"**_

_Pikario gasped. "What the hell?"_

"_MWAHAHAHAHA!" Dark Bones laughed!_

"_PIKARIO?" Bowser was shocked!_

_Gloomtail stomped the ground! "My sister was an ass, but I'm even more of one!"_

_Doopliss turned into Shigeru Miyamoto and used VIDEO GAME PWNESS!_

_Grodius grabbed Peach! "HAHAHA! We went to the zoo and saw a Panda bear!"_

"_He tried to kill me!" Peach happily announced!_

"_Eww! She smells like Grape Soda... THE EVIL KIND!" Crusher said, grabbing his nose!_

_The Shadow Queen laughed evilly! "MWEEEEEEE HEE HEE HEEEEEEEE... I used the evilly evil and flat Grape Soda to stay alive for all these years!"_

_Sitting in front of an evil-looking coffin-type thingy, Peach waved at Pikario! "Hi, Pikario! Did I mention that we saw the monkeys, too? They were eating cheese and watermelons!"_

_Franklyidunno got mad! **"DAMN IT! GO THROUGH THE FUCKING DOOR ALREADY!"**_

_Pikella got this weird look her face! "Pikario... I think my water just broke..."_

"_Hey, look! The sky got all dark and stuff!" a random Pikachu pointed out!_

"_LET'S PARTY! Shroomsworth shouted, wearing some damp underwear on his head!

* * *

_

_**Authoress' Notes:** Hooray! Chapter 7 is finally finished! Next one will be the final Chapter, then the Epilogue, then THAT'S IT! Aside from that chilling fact, here are the translations for this chapter:_

_1) "Oh, my god! They're here! They're here! **RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THE ALIENS ARE HERE!"**_

_2) "You cannot use our bomb here, so go away, you little bastards!"_

_3) "Listen to the fat one and mind your own business!"_

_4) "What? Who are you? I don't understand you!"_

_5) "I already told you! I can't understand a word you're saying!" _

_6) "Look! I can understand you, and I know that you have a cannon!"_

_7) "I do not understand your words."_

_8) "I speak Russian, too..."_

_9) "Close it, shit face!"_

_10) "You **DARE** slap an official? Why, I spit on you and your cruel intentions! Spit, I say!" _

_11) "You're not supposed to tell others about cannon!"_

_12) "If we don't, the world could end!"_

_13) "Oh... Saving world? Well, in that case... If you find Goldbomb and General Red-and-White, I reconsider. Without them, cannon is kaput!" _

_14) "Fine then! We shall do so!"_

_15) "Well? Where is General Red-and-White?"_

_16) "I doubt that man is even alive! We traveled all around the world, but we failed to find him!"_

_17) "Ridiculous! General Red-and-White **is **alive! You just don't find him! You don't find him, we have no cannon! We have no cannon, world could end!"_

_18) "But we found Goldbomb and we have the Guide to the cannon!"_

_19) "That not good enough! Only Red-and-White can read instructions!"_

_20) **"YOU TALK NONSENSE!"**_

_21)** "I DO NO SUCH THING! DAMN IT, WE NEED GENERAL RED-AND-WHITE TO FIRE CANNON, OR THERE IS NO FIRING OF THE CANNON!" **_

_22) "Your Pikachu friend is very stupid! He gets in my way of fighting you!"_

_23) "What on Earth is going on in here?"_

_24) "Ha ha! Yes, well it seems that I have finally found you!"_


	9. 8: The Very Old Door Thingy!

_**Authoress' Notes:** Yay! Chapter 8 is finally here! ...And that's all I have to say about that... Also, you won't believe who plays the Shadow Queen! XD

* * *

_

_**College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!**_

_**Chapter 8:** The Very Old Door Thingy!

* * *

_

_When we last left Pikario and friends, they were traveling back to Sewers so they could get to the Very Old Door Thingy and save Peach! Once they left the teleporter from Da Moon, they were greeted by Franklyidunno, who seemed to be running away from something!_

"**_PIKARIO, YOU BASTARD! DID YOU NOT SEE THE FREAK IN THE SHEET AND THAT ASS, BELDAM AND HER FLUFFY, YET MODERATLEY CUTE SISTER MARILYN GO TO THE VERY OLD DOOR THINGY WITH PEACH?"_** the crazy old Pikachu shouted!

Pikario was outraged! "**_WHAT?"_**

"Well, common sense would tell us that's where'd they take Peach," Pikella nonchalantly added!

* * *

_WOOOOOOOOSH! Pikario and the others were off the Very Old Door Thingy with a...um... WOOSH! Upon their arrival there, Pikario put the Crystal Stars in the door! There was shining, sparkling, and ridiculously long and overly-dramatic tension with opening a freaking door!_

Franklyidunno got mad!_ **"DAMN IT! GO THROUGH THE FUCKING DOOR ALREADY!"**_

"It's not my fault it's taking so damn long to open!" Pikario spat back!

_After what seemed like forever, the freakin' door finally opened enough for Pikario and the others to squeeze through it, so they did!_

"It scary in here!" Squirt whined!

"Stop being a baby, Squirt!" Crusher said!

"I say!" Bobbery beamed!

"Oh, my darlings! We're almost done!" Flurrie said!

"Then we can save the world!" Ms. Rwatt added!

"And the Authoress likes me! YAY!" Vivian truthfully said!

"Plus, the Magnificent Seven shall rule over all, because that's what we are!" Pikella said!

"**_YEAH!"_** the seven awesome members doing some sort of a trademark hi-five thingy!

* * *

_Blah blah blah! Pikario and the Magnificent Seven traveled around a bit until..._

"MWAHAHAHAHA!" Dark Bones laughed!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Squirt hid in his shell!

Pikario kicked Dark Bones out of the way! "Move it, freak! I don't have time to fuck around with you!"

Dark Bones stood up, making this really annoying rattling sound with his bones! "Well, I'm undead, so time has no value to me! **_NOW FACE MY EVIL ZOMBIES AND SUFFER!"_**

_Just then, it started raining Dry Bones! They were everywhere and they started pushing Pikario and others out the door! Dark Bones laughed at them!_

"**_MY ZOMBIES WILL KILL YOU, AND IF THEY DON'T, THEN THEY'LL MAKE YOU WATCH STUPID SHOWS ON CRAPPY STATIONS, SUCH AS 4KIDSTV AND CHANNEL ABC NEWS! MWAHAHAHAHA!"_** Dark Bones laughed evilly!

Pikario got out a machine gun and fired it off, killing all the Dry Bones! **_"DIE, ZOMBIEEEEEEEEEES!"_**

"Aw, shit!" Seeing as all his malicious minions were being killed, Dark Bones ran away, dropping the next key to the next room behind him!

"What was all that ruckus?" Flurrie asked.

"Was that really necessary?" Vivian asked.

Pikario twirled his machine gun around! "No, but it was fun!"

_OMG! That had nothing to do with the plot! Oh, well...

* * *

_

_For hours and hours, Pikario and the Magnificent Seven continued on in the Place of Shadowy Shadowness That is Very Shadowy Just Because It Is, looking for Grodius and Peach, but they weren't being very successful! The gang ended up having to jump over fire, walk through some freaky door maze, then they found some giant, underground tower thingy, and even a giant, black Salamence! ...Wait..._

"**_GRRRRRRRAAAAAAACKKKKKK! AAACK!"_** the dragon gagged, upon the arrival of Pikario and his friends!

Squirt looked worried! "Hey, um... are you okay?"

Pikario slapped him once again! "Why the hell should we worry about him?"

"**_WHO DARES DISTURBS THE GREAT BLACKTAIL IN HIS HOLY DOMAIN OF SCARINESS?"_** Blacktail roared!

"I say, old boy! Are by any chance related to that ghastly Bluetail we defeated a while back?" Bobbery asked!

Blacktail looked shocked! **_"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?_** You killed my baby sister?"

"Way to spill the beans, Bobbery..." Pikella grumbled!

"Your sister was an ass!" Pikario taunted!

Gloomtail stomped the ground! "My sister **_was_** an ass, but I'm even more of one!"

Crusher sweatdropped! "What?"

Now, Blacktail was pissed! "And now she's dead! No wonder she stopped sending me dead carcasses in the mail! For killing my sis AND disrupting my free supply of corpses, **_YOU SHALL DIE!"_**

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! 'SUP MAN? IT'S BLACKTAIL!_**

Pikella used Tattle! "This guy is Blacktail and he's really stupid! He's just like Hooktail, except he's not afraid of crickets, plus, he's the master of slang talk and stuff! He has 80HP and a lot of stupid moves, like Chicken Wings, Mega Breath, Dragonbreath and The Authoress Can't Think Of Another Useless Attack To Teach This Guy, So This Is What It's Called!"

"**NOW I WILL GET REVENGE FOR MY LITTLE SISTER!" **the very angry Blacktail growled!

_Blacktail used **CHICKEN WINGS! It didn't work!**_

Pikario frowned! "What the hell was that?"

"Sorry! I had chicken for lunch, but I guess it's still on my mind!" Blacktail said!

_Crusher used Dragonbreath! It's Super Effective!_

Blacktail got mad! "OW! HEY! That's my attack!"

"You will never win!" Pikario shouted!

"Oh, yeah?" Blacktail begged to differ!

_Blacktail used Fo' Shizzle Ma Nizzle!_

"Wut da fuck, man?" Pikario asked!

_Pikario used Straight Up, Dawg! **THAT'S NOT AN ATTACK!**_

"MWAHAHAHA! Fear the evil slang talk of doom!" Blacktail shouted!

"G-money, you totally be not stylin' wit' dat shit!" Crusher shouted!

"Wut dat meen?" Pikario asked!

_Crusher used Drunkenbreath! **THAT'S NOT AN ATTACK!**_

_Blacktail used The Authoress Can't Think of another Useless Attack to Teach This Guy, So This Is What It's Called! **IT DIDN'T WORK!**_

Blacktail sweatdropped! "Damn it!"

"I say! How come I have not been affected by all this nonsense?" Flurrie asked!

"Same here!" Bobbery asked!

"Beecuz, y'all be all 2 proper N stuf!" Vivian answered!

"Kwik! Use dat shit rite thar 2 kell dat boy, y'all!" Pikario shouted!

_Flurrie used PROPER ENGLISH! It's Super Effective!_

Blacktail growled! "WHAT?"

_Bobbery used BRITISH ACCENT! It's Super Effective!_

Blacktail flipped over! **_"DAMN! AND I THOUGHT NO ONE WOULD EVER BREAK THAT ATTACK!"_**

_**EXIT BATTLE MODE! BLACKTAIL WUZ PWNED!**_

Blacktail spit out the Star Key! "GAH! You may have defeated me, but no matter what you do, you can never stop tha powa, y'all feelin' meh, man?"

Pikario sweatdropped. "Yeah, we feel ya..."

* * *

_So, after getting the Star Key from Blacktail's gut, Pikario used it to get into the giant, underground tower thingy, which I believe is called the Shadow Tower... or something... But the point is, that Pikario went there and did shit, like solving stupidly interesting puzzles that the evil people from Nintendo put out so the players would spend countless hours in that dank tower, trying to figure out what the hell they're doing! Fortunately for Pikario, he didn't have to do that, so he easily got the 8 Palace Keys and did... something... with them that made a path leading even deeper into the Place of Shadowy Shadowness That is Very Shadowy Just Because It Is! Then, to make matters even worse, Pikario and the Magnificent Seven ran into some old friends once they got outside!_

"**_MWEEHEEHEEHEE! _**So, Pikario! We meet again!" Beldam cackled!

"Get outta the way, bitch! I ain't got time to mess with you!" Pikario growled!

"**_...BITCH?_** Fuck you, Pikario! I'm here to teach that shemale a lesson about treason!" Beldam threatened!

Then, Marilyn came up!**_ "GUH-HUH!"_**

And, Doopliss appeared out of nowhere! "Yeah, and I don't even know what that means!"

Beldam slapped Doopliss! "Shut up, freak!"

_**ENTER BATTLE MODE! THIS LADY JUST WON'T GIVE UP!**_

Pikella didn't use Tattle Log! "What's the point? I already did it for these guys!"

"Sis, why don't you just become the good guy and you'll be a lot happier?" Vivian suggested!

"**NEVER!** Vivian, you're an ass and a tramp, so you obviously don't care about who's on which side!" Beldam accused!

"Oh, that's so not true!" Vivian whined!

_Doopliss turned into Shigeru Miyamoto and used VIDEO GAME PWNESS!_

Beldam slapped him! **"NOT YET! I'M NOT DONE MAKING MY EVIL THREATS!"**

Bobbery gasped! "My lord! You just slapped Shigeru Miyamoto!"

Beldam was confused! "Eh?"

_Just then, the Evil People from Nintendo appeared out of nowhere and arrested Beldam! What a shock!_

"What? That's not Shigeru Miyamoto! It's that freak in the sheet!" Beldam protested!

"That's what they all say!" The Evil People from Nintendo said as they left the stage with Beldam in handcuffs!

Doopliss sweatdropped! "Oops!"

Marilyn laughed! "GUH-HUH!"

_Since Beldam has left the stage, she, Doopliss, and Marilyn lose the battle by forfeit!_

_**EXIT BATTLE MODE! WOW! DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!

* * *

**_

_**DWIKFCNDHJKFVGNDRHIGTJKRHKS!** Seeing as Beldam wasn't going to be bugging them anymore, Pikario and the Magnificent Seven went through the evil place thingy, fighting stuff, solving puzzles, and occasionally getting lost! They also took lunch breaks, wrote nasty graffiti on the wall, and messed up the dingy red carpets in most of the dark dungeon! Then, they ended up finding Grodius! How swell!_

"**_GACK ACK ACK ACKACK HAAAAAAAAAAACK! GAH!"_** Grodius hacked at the other end of the room!

"Aw, do you need a tissue?" Vivian asked, being so cute and sweet!

Grodius waved his stick! "NO! I need you to die, for I, the great Sir Grodius, shall take over the world!"

Pikario looked shocked! "Wait... **_YOU'RE _**Grodius?"

Grodius frowned. "Got a problem with that?"

Pikario started laughing!" Dude! You're wearing a dress!"

Grodius was starting to get ticked off! **_"ROBE!_** Not a dress, not a skirt... **_A ROBE!_** Get it?"

"Denying it only makes it true, sweetie!" Ms. Rwatt mocked!

_**ENTER BATTLE MODE! OMG! IT'S GRODIUS!**_

Grodius laughed all evilly and stuff! "Now, Pikario! I shall deal with you myself!"

Pikario started laughing! "Dude! I'm fighting a guy who wears a dress?"

Grodius was outraged! **_"A DRESS?_** Idiotic brat, this is a **_ROBE,_** not a dress!"

"Sure, whatever," Pikario scoffed!

Pikella used Tattle! "That guy is Grodius and he wears a dress! He's very wimpy and only has 50 HP, which is 10 less than what Macho Grubba had, and we faced him in the third Chapter! This freak is a total wuss and he cheats by using things that start with the letter 'X' to make him invincible in battle! It's probably not even worth our time to fight this loser!"

Grodius was pissed to the max! **_"WHAT?_** The pregnant Pikachu is clearly delusional! I am the great leader of the X-Nauts, who are very cute! **_MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"_**

_Flurrie used Icy Wind and blew away Grodius' xylophone!_

_Then, Vivian used Will-O-Wisp!_

Grodius was mad! **_"HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT YET!"_**

_Crusher used Fire Blast! It's Super Effective!_

"_**NO, DAMN IT! IT'S MY TURN NOW!"** _Grodius started whining!

_Pikario used Thunder! Critical Hit!_

Grodius got out a 'Pedestrian X-ing' sign! "All right that's it! Try and get me now, scum!"

_Flurrie used Icy Wind and blew away Grodius' 'Pedestrian X-ing' sign!_

_Then, Ms. Rwatt used Thief and took Grodius' dress!_

Pikario scowled! "Eww! That's not funny! Get that shit away from me!"

"**WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE, STEALING STUFF LIKE THAT AWAY FROM EVIL ROBOTS BENT ON TAKING OVER THE WORLD? IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT!"** Grodius rampaged!

_Grodius used ...um... STAFF and set Squirt on fire!_

Squirt ran around in flames! **_"OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!"_**

_Bobbery pushed the flaming Squirt into Grodius, which caused him to fall off the stage and into the crowd of cute X-Nauts! And since he's not on stage anymore, I guess that means Pikario wins!_

_**EXIT BATTLE MODE! GRODIUS IS A 50HP WUSS!**_

"I may have lost my dress... I mean **_ROBE_**, but I've still got this!" Grodius waved his staff thingy and Peach came out, trapped in a bubble... thingy!

"Dude, look! It's Peach!" Crusher obviously pointed out!

Pikario growled! "You bitch! Let her go, or I'll..."

"Do what? Try to save her, and I'll... um..." Grodius was at a loss for words!

"Ooh! Ooh! I know! You'll kill me?" Peach answered!

"**_YEAH! I'LL DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!"_** Grodius barked!

"I thought you needed to use her body to... um... take over the world, and stuff..." Squirt pointed out!

Grodius sweatdropped! "Shit! I forgot about that! Well, um, you still can't get to her because I'm going to strike you with lightning now! **_HAHAHAHAHA!"_**

_And he did just that! **KRACKO!**_

"Hey, you can't use that sound effect! That's the name of a Kirby bad guy!" Crusher pointed out, having just recently played "Kirby: Nightmare in Dreamland", which is a very weird game, but the Authoress still kinda likes it!

"**I DON'T CARE!"** Grodius waved his staff again!

_**KRACKO!** Oh no! The gang might be doomed!_

"Oh no! We can't attack this guy cause he'll kill Peach if we do!" Vivian said!

"But he needs her to take over the world!" Bobbery reminded her/him!

"Didn't we just beat him in a fight? Why isn't he dead?" Squirt asked, whining as usual!

"**_GACK ACK ACK ACK! HAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! GAAAAAAH!_** You can't kill me because I'm a robot... and **_STUFF!"_** Grodius coughed!

_Then, all of a sudden, Bowser fell on Grodius, in all of his big, scary Koopaness and stuff!_

"**_GIYAH!_** Damn it, Kammy! Why didn't you tell me there was a trapdoor over there?" Bowser growled!

"Because I wanted to see your fat-ass plow through the floor and hopefully kill an evil robot guy who's trying to take over the world using Peach's body!" Kammy replied, floating in on her broom!

Bowser sat up and looked around! "How the hell do you know all these things?"

"I went to college, my fatness of the assness," Kammy responded!

"BOWSER!" Pikario shouted!

"PIKARIO?" Bowser was shocked!

"I say! It seems that Bowser's here, too!" Bobbery shouted!

"What's next? Mario & Luigi try to steal Peach, or something?" Pikella asked, annoyed!

"I'm going to fight you and take the **_REALLY PRETTY_** Crystal Stars and the **_VERY SEXY_** Peach! **_GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_** Bowser proclaimed!

_**BATTLE MODE START! ALL THIS AND BOWSER TOO? KICKASS!**_

"**_MWAHAHAHAHA!_** Pikario! In battle, we meet again!" Bowser shouted!

Pikario shrugged. "And...?"

"AND... I have Kammy with me this time! **_SHE WILL USE HER AWESOME ELDERLY WOMAN POWERS AND KILL YOU! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!"_** Bowser announced!

Kammy coughed up a lung! "Marvelous, my lord!"

_Pikario took Kammy's broom and hit Bowser with it!_

_Ms. Rwatt used her Shuriken Ninja Skillz and took Kammy's backup wheelchair and tripped her!_

_Bowser expressed his displeasure with a loud "OW!" and Kammy went into a state of rigor mortis!_

"Okay, that's it! Time to dye, Pikario!" Bowser growled!

"And I'll make you fear my evil arthritis medicine of **_DOOM!"_** Kammy shouted, coughing up apple sauce quite nastily!

Pikario made a stance! "Then, bring it on, fat man!"

Flurrie sweatdropped. "My darling... Make Pikario dye?"

Vivian looked around nervously! "That doesn't sound very good..."

_Unfortunately, Bowser didn't realize he had spelled "die" wrong, so he went and dyed Pikario green!_

_Ms. Rwatt ran over Bowser's foot with Kammy's backup wheelchair!_

Pikario looked at himself! **"HEY!** What the fuck?"

Bowser pointed and laughed! **_"HA HA!_** You're all green and stuff! Green is the color of boogers! You're a booger! You suck!"

Pikario got mad! "Damn you! No one makes me the color of snot and/or boogers and gets away with it!"

"I just did, you prick!" Bowser continued laughing!

"You got him good, Lord Bowser!" Kammy praised, dropping her teeth!

_Pikario was getting tried of an old lady mocking him, so he used the Garnet Crystal Star! **Go, Showstopper!** The show was stopped! The audience got so mad at Bowser, that they booed him off the stage with broken Game Boys, therefore making Pikario the winner and shit!_

**_EXIT BATTLE MODE! HAHA! WE KILLED AN OLD LADY!_**

Bowser fell over in a heap! "Blast you, Pikario and damn you, Kammy! It's all your fault! You made me lose!"

"Well, Mr. I-Need-To-Depend-On-Old-People-To-Do-Stuff-For-Me, that's what you get for trusting an elderly lady to help you!" Kammy groaned, spitting up her spleen!

"Oh, goody! Now that Bowser's dead, we can get Peach!" Vivian was happy!

"Uh..." Squirt pointed towards Grodius!

Grodius grabbed Peach! "HAHAHA! We went to the zoo and saw a Panda bear!"

"He tried to kill me!" Peach happily announced!

_And with that, he dashed off with her into a dark room that arbitrarily appeared out of nowhere!_

"We have to save her, old boy!" Bobbery shouted, blowing up for no reason!

"Right, but first, we need to train and shit because of the name of the town being an indirect message and if we don't, chances are, I might be neutered!" Pikario concluded!

_And with that, Pikario and the Magnificent Seven ran off to places unknown and started training until they got to unbelievably high levels, because the Authoress is a stickler for killing Final Bosses with a huge advantage over them!

* * *

_

_**2 Weeks Later!**_

"Well... whaddya wanna do?" Groidus asked!

"I dunno... Whaddya wanna do?" Peach asked!

"I dunno... Whaddya wanna do?" Grodius asked!

"I dunno... Whaddya wanna do?" Peach asked!

"I dunno... Whaddya wanna do?" Grodius asked!

"I dunno... Whaddya wanna do?" Peach asked!

"I dunno... Whaddya wanna do?" Grodius asked!

_Just then, Pikario busted through the door, the Magnificent Seven looking a lot stronger than last time and Bobbery being an Electrode, because I think he deserves it!_

"**_FINALLY! MY GOD, WE'VE BEEN HERE WAITING FOR, LIKE, 2 WEEKS NOW!_** Grodius growled in a rage!

"Shut up! Why haven't you taken over the world already if we've been gone that long?" Pikario questioned!

Grodius fiddled with his fingers! "Because I wanted to do it in front of someone, or else it's no fun..."

"What a wuss..." Crusher laughed!

"Well, anyway! Now that you're here, I'm going to take over the world, using Peach's body, and I don't mean as a prostitute!" Grodius said!

Sitting in front of an evil-looking coffin-type thingy, Peach waved at Pikario! "Hi, Pikario! Did I mention that we saw the monkeys, too? They were eating cheese and watermelons!"

Pikario gasped. "What the hell?"

_Grodius did some thingy with his magical staff of doom and the candles in the room got really dark and then the scary coffin thingy that Peach was standing in front of opened and a lot of black swirly stuff came out! OMG! Then, to make things even worse, the Shadow Queen came out and she was all... **BLACK AND SCARY**... and stuff!_

Peach smiled! "Ooh, look at the pretty evil lights!"

* * *

**_Meanwhile, in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard, the sky got all dark!_**

"Hey, look! The sky got all dark and stuff!" a random Pikachu pointed out!

"**LET'S PARTY!** Shroomsworth shouted, wearing some damp underwear on his head!

* * *

**_And in PeachyKeenburg!_**

Kroops looked at the sky! "What the hell?"

"Hey, look! It's finally nighttime!" Koopie Koo pointed out!

_The very second she said that, the entire town was swarmed with thugs, burglars and robbers! _

"**_GIMME YOUR WALLET!"_** a random crook demanded from Koopie Koo!

Koopie Koo sweatdropped! "Okay... so nighttime is a **_BAD_** thing!"

* * *

_**And in the Great Googly Woods!**_

Chinio frowned! "Hey, man! I can't see my Game Boy! It's too damn dark!"

"See? I told you to get a DS! If you had one of those, you wouldn't have this problem, would you?" Chiniper taunted!

"Chinio, you're a Chinchou! Can't you just use your antennae, or something?" Chituni asked!

"Oh, yeah! In your face, fat stuff!" Chinio laughed at the pessimist Chiniper!

The Elder got pissed! **_"EVERYBODY, SHUT UP AND GO TO BED!"

* * *

_**

_**And in Glitzville Shitsville!**_

"Oh, my god! It must be an eclipse! **_EVERYBODY, QUICK! PUT YOUR SUNGLASSES ON!" _**Joleneshouted, standing outside for no apparent reason!

_And so, all the idiots standing around outside for no apparent reason did just that, but because of the dark hue of the sunglasses, they were blind!_

"ACK! I can't see!" a Shroomish whined!

"It must be the eclipse!" Mr. Hoggle shouted!

"**_WE'RE DOOMED!"_** Rawk Hawk wailed!

* * *

**_Back in the evil Place of Shadowy Shadowness That is Very Shadowy Just Because It Is!_**

"_**MWEEEEEEE HEE HEE HEEEEEEEE**... I return with, like, poof and stuff... Who has called me back?" _the Shadow Queen thing asked!

"Me! Me! I did it!" Grodius shouted, like an idiot!

"Damn! What the hell is that?" Pikario asked in a rage!

"Eww! She smells like Grape Soda... **_THE EVIL KIND!"_** Crusher said, grabbing his nose!

"_Okay... so, where's the virgin? Can't be an evil, undead lady without possessing a female virgin, ya know?" _the Queen said!

"She's right there! The dumb one with the crown!" Grodius pointed at Peach!

Pikario sweatdropped. "Virgin?"

Peach opened her arms wide! "Ooh, yay! Group hug!"

_But, as always, Peach was wrong! The Shadow Queen wasn't in the mood for a hug, but in the mood for... um... taking over her body and making everything all flashy and scary and stuff!

* * *

_

_**In Holycrapits6:47andtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town!**_

_**KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!** Umbreons ran around all over the place!_

"**QUICK, GET THE GOTHIC CDS!"** Dour shouted, running around in circles!

"**IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT CAN SAVE US NOW!"** an Umbreon yelped!

"WAIT! Maybe this is a sign..." Eve called out!

"That the world is ending?" a random Umbreon asked!

"No! Maybe we should change our ways and stop listening to dark and evil music! And maybe we should start going to church!" Eve suggested!

_The Umbreons were shocked! She might just be right...

* * *

_

_**On Kill-All Key!**_

_**KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

"It's the pirate king! He's come back to take our underwear flag!" Random Shroomish Number 8,349 shouted, pointing to the flying underpants on a flagpole!

"Quick, who knows Spanish?" Random Shroomish Number 592 asked!

"No 'un 'ere knows bloody Spanish but 'ortez! **_WE'RE ALL DOOMED!"_** Pa-Patch cried!

* * *

_**In Pussy Heights!**_

_**KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

Pennington looked around! "I say! What kind of crap is this?"

Goldbomb ran up! **"DIDN'T YOU HEAR? IT'S THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD!" **

"NONSENSE! Money makes the world go round, and we have shitloads of it!"

Pennington boasted!

"That's perverse psychology! It's what the commoners want us to think so that we will inevitably destroy ourselves with our own greed and sexually pleasing statues!" Goldbomb explained!

"**MY GOD! YOU'RE RIGHT!** ...And I think you mean 'reverse psychology'..." Pennington corrected.

Goldbomb shrugged! "Same difference..."

* * *

**_In Fahr-OuwtMann Post! _**

_**KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

"Welche die Hölle war das?" the mayor asked! _1)_

A random Bob-omb ran up! "ES MUSS SEIN KRIEG!" _2)_

General Red-and-White came up! "Oder, die Welt könnte beenden!" _3)_

"Nein. Es ist bestimmt Krieg. FÜR ich KANN ES RIECHEN!" _4)_

"_我和很多愚蠢的人住在一起，还我总是好象是能干的一个！为什么这样是那？_General Red-and-White asked himself! _5)

* * *

_

_**BOOOOOOOOOOM!** The Shadow Queen had possessed Peach and she was scary! Her face was all evil and twisted and she wore a dark dress, with dark Lugia wings and tail included! EEK!_

"_Muh huh huh huh huh... That didn't sound right..."_ the evil ruler heaved a sigh!

"Now, my Queen, kill those guys over there!" Grodius commanded!

"_Why?"_ the Queen asked!

"Cause I said so!" Grodius growled!

The Queen looked at Pikario's friends and scoffed!_ "...I don't want to..."_

Grodius was outraged! **_"WHY?"_**

"_Just cause..."_ the evil Queen, who was now Peach said!

Grodius jumped up and down! **_"NO! NO! NO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LISTEN TO ME, YOU DUMBASS BITCH!"_**

**_KABOOM!_** The Shadow Queen struck him with Grape Soda lightning, leaving only a black spot on the floor! _"Who's the **DUMBASS BITCH NOW?"**_

Squirt scratched his head! "I don't understand... I thought she and Grodius would take over the world together..."

Pikario turned around and promptly slapped him! "BASTARD! Weren't you listening? The crazy lady thing needed Peach to be a VIRGIN in order to listen to that robot asshole!"

_Then, Beldam, Marilyn, and the Freak-In-Da-Sheet appeared out of nowhere!_

"Mwee hee hee! I broke out of Nintendo jail! Anyway, the fatass is right! I knew that Peach wasn't a virgin, so I set up Grodius and made him think she was! That loser brought back the Queen for us and now, WE can take over the world! **_MWEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!"_**

"When we take over the world, can I have Yugoslavia?" Doopliss asked, meekly!

Beldam slapped him! "Shut up, freak!"

The Shadow Queen laughed evilly!_ **"MWEEEEEEE HEE HEE HEEEEEEEE**... I used the evilly evil and flat Grape Soda to stay alive for all these years!"_

Flurrie groaned. "Oh, my..."

"Grape Soda! That's, like, the most evilest kind of soda there is!" Vivian pointed out!

"_Why should you care? I made you..."_ the evil Lugia replied!

Vivian sweatdropped. "But still..."

"_And now... I don't feel like killing you guys, but if you don't join my evil reign of Grape Soda Horror, I will be forced to..."_ the Queen said!

"What do we do, Pikario? The Magnificent Seven can't go out like this!" Crusher asked!

Pikario sighed! "As sexy and erotic as Peach looks right now, I've gotta go with you on this one!"

The Lugia Queen was not amused! _"I find that to be an insult! Now, you shall fight me to the death!"_

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE! OH NO! POOR PEACH!_**

Pikella used Tattle! "Oh, my god! That's the Shadow Queen! She took over Peach's body because she thought she was a virgin, but she obviously wasn't, so here we are! She has a whopping 150HP, and strikes people with black lightning and I'm not supposed to say this, but we're gonna have to fight her again, so don't do anything stupid, Pikario!"

"I have to fight her AGAIN?" Pikario groaned!

"Silence!" the Shadow Queen growled!

_The Shadow Queen used Lack of Common Sense! _

Pikario got a really dumb look on his face! "I will now do something stupid!"

Pikella sweatdropped! "Huh?"

_Pikario used Thunder on Squirt, automatically killing him!_

Pikario sweatdropped! "Oops!"

"Why'd you go and do that, Pikario?" Pikella asked angrily!

"It's not my fault! She used 'Lack of Common Sense'! What do you want me to do about it?" Pikario retorted!

_Vivian used Shadow Ball! It's Super Effective!_

_Bobbery used Explosion! It was a Critical Hit, but Bobbery fainted!_

Pikario sweatdropped! "I really don't think we're winning..."

The Shadow Queen rubbed her chin with one of her ridiculously large hands! _"I see that you and your friends are not weak... So, I'm going to do this now!"_

_The Shadow Queen used Recover to regain her energy, then she used Flat Grape Soda Rage and killed the entire audience! _

Pikario freaked! "Now, why the hell did you go and you that?"

"**_BECAUSE I WANTED TO!"_** the Dark Lugia laughed!

"Well, now what?" Flurrie asked!

_**EXIT BATTLE MODE! WE NEED TO GET SOME MORE SUCKERS FOR THE AUDIENCE!**_

"_Now, are you going to join me, or what?"_ the Queen asked again!

Squirt raised his hand! "ME! I will, if you don't kill me!"

Pikario slapped him! **_"I'LL_** kill you first!"

_Ok, you guys know the drill! The Stars saw that Pikario was getting his ass kicked, so they went all over the world, telling random Pokémon to send him bottles of Viagra and booze so he could win! And they did, too! How nice!_

"Look! Everyone in the world is sending us their love!" Vivian cheered!

"Through beer bottles?" Ms. Rwatt asked!

"Who cares? They ain't doing shit!" Pikario groaned!

_Then, Peach, who was still possessed, came out of nowhere!_

"Hi, Pikario! Look, I'm not dead!" she waved!

Pikario was shocked! "Peach?"

The Shadow Queen was mad!_ "What? Hey, you can't do that!"_

"Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Evil Shadow Queen Lady Thing, but I have to give Pikario some energy so he can beat you and save the world, because I really don't like being possessed! It's nasty and icky! You understand, right?" Peach asked, being a ditz as always!

"**_NO!" _**the Queen of Shadow snarled!

"Oh, well!" Peach giggled, giving Pikario and the Magnificent Seven the only thing in the world that can beat Evil and Flat Grape Soda!

"**_PIZZA WITH ROOT BEER AND OREO COOKIES WITH MILK!"_** Pikario held up the almighty pizza, fully restored!

**_ENTER BATTLE MODE AGAIN! THE PIZZA AND COOKIES SHALL SAVE US!_**

"_Bah! Your pizza and cookies shall do no such thing!"_ the Luiga thing said!

_The Shadow Queen used Aeroblast, leaving Pikario and each of the Magnificent Seven with only 1HP left! They were all in Peril!_

"Pikario! You've got to use the pizza and cookies! It's our only hope!" Ms. Rwatt shouted!

_Pikario used_ **_PIZZA WITH ROOT BEER AND OREO COOKIES WITH MILK!_**

The Shadow Queen was defeated! **_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_**

**_EXIT BATTLE MODE AGAIN! YAY, THE SHADOW QUEEN IS DEAD!_**

"_Shit! I never thought you'd figure out my greatest weakness! Damn, guess I'll have to wait another 1,000 years before I can take over the world... Oh, well..."_ And with that, **_POOF!_** The Shadow Queen disappeared into the darkness of nothingness, leaving Peach behind!

"Damn! Beldam, you said we could use that Queen lady to take over the world, but now what? She's dead!" Doopliss whined!

Beldam slapped him! "Shut up, freak! I'm outta here! You losers can stay and get your asses whipped, but I'm gone!" And with that, she disappeared!

Marilyn got scared and looked around! **"GUH!"** She also disappeared!

"Aww, man! Not this again!" Doopliss complained, running away somehow!

Pikario ran over to Peach and started shaking her! "Peach, if you know what's good for you, and I'm pretty sure you do, you'd better get your ass up and give me some sex right now!"

"Pikario, don't do that! You might hurt her!" Flurrie lectured!

Peach then woke up! "Hi, Pikario! Wasn't that fun?"

Then, Franklyidunno ran up out of somewhere! **_"WOW! YOU GUYS KILLED THE SHADOW QUEEN! SWEET! ALSO, WHILE RANDOMLY WALKING AROUND HERE FOR NO APPARENT REASON, I FOUND THIS!"_** And he dropped a big, shiny chest thing in front of Peach!

Peach was happy! "Yay! Now, everybody's all happy!"

"And, the Magnificent Seven triumphs once again!" Crusher proclaimed, as the seven awesome members did their trademark hi-five thingy!

Then, Pikella looked strange! "Oh..."

Pikario looked at Pikella. "What's wrong with you? Trying to figure out a pessimistic thing to say about this, but you can't because I'm so fucking awesome?"

Pikella got this weird look her face! "Pikario... I think my water just broke..."

Pikario glared at Pikella. "Come again?"

Pikella frowned. "You heard what I just said!"

"Oh, yeah, Pikella! This is a great time for you to start going into labor!" Crusher sarcastically said!

Peach looked sad! "Oh, but I thought the stork came and brought the babies!"

**_DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA DUNA-DUNA! INN TIME!

* * *

_**

_So, everybody took Pikella to the nearest inn, which just happened to be in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard for some reason! _

_Pikario and the Magnificent Seven minus one sat downstairs... and Chuigi was therefore some reason! YAY!_

"Dude! Did I tell you what I just got done doing?" Chuigi asked!

"No, but I dodn't give a shit!" Pikario reminded him!

As always, Chuigi ignored his older brother! "Okay, so I went to OMGIhatethissongbecauseitsbyBritneySpears Tower and I saw the Chestnut King!"

"Yay..." Pikario sarcastically said!

"He was a giant Ho-oh guy and he was strong! He threw nothing but chestnuts at me, but damn, they sure hurt!" Chuigi said!

"...And?" Pikario asked, not really interested!

"Then, Princess Eclair gave me the power to see into the future and so, I used all of this guy's attacks against him and I won! And I saved Princess Eclair... and I fought this other guy, too, but he was dumb, so he doesn't matter! Anyway, everything else was cool, huh?" Chuigi asked!

"Yeah, so, what'd you get?" Pikario asked, unenthusiastically!

"...Nothing... Princess Elcair said she was saved, but she ran away before I even got to see her!" Chuigi pouted!

Pikario smiled. "That's just great..."

"Master Mario! Thank the heavens you found the Princess!" Shroomsworth blurted out!

"And I went to the zoo! It was fun!" Peach reminded everyone!

Then, the Shroomish innkeeper came downstairs! "I have good news!"

"If you say anything abut car insurance, I'll cut you!" Pikario threatened!

"No, but Pikella's done having her children now!" the innkeeper said, inviting everyone upstairs!

Seeing Pikario, Pikella laughed illogically, slightly out of it! "I've got you now, Pikario!"

"Dude, what are you gonna do if they **_are_** yours?" Crusher asked Pikario!

Pikario cocked his .38! "If by some unexplainable reason they're mine... Pikella's going down..."

Crusher smiled! "Kickass!"

The innkeeper held up a Pichu! "It's a girl!"

Pikario held up his .38! **"IT'S BEEN NICE KNOWING YA!"**

Pikella looked flabbergasted! "What?"

"...And a boy!" the innkeeper continued, holding up a Squirtle!

"A Squirtle...?" Pikella looked shocked again!

_Everybody looked at Squirt, who sweatdropped!_

"Well... it's been fun, guys... but, I gotta go!" And with that, he was out!

"...And another girl!" the innkeeper continued, holding up a Charmander!

_Everybody looked at Crusher!_

"**DUDE!"** Crusher bugged out and flew away!

"...And another boy!" the innkeeper continued, holding up a Misdreavus!

_Everybody looked at Vivian!_

"**_I HAVE NO REGRETS!"_** Vivian proclaimed, disappearing!

"...And another girl!" the innkeeper continued, holding up a Voltorb!

_Everybody looked at Bobbery!_

"**SCARLETTE, FORGIVE ME! I WAS LONELY!"** Bobbery howled, rolling away!

"...And another boy!" the innkeeper continued, holding up a Shroomish!

_Everybody looked at Shroomsworth!_

"**NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!** I refuse to partake of this!" Shroomsworth declared, running away!

"Damn, Pikella! You're a hussy!" Pikario laughed!

"**_WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED HERE?"_** Pikella shouted! "They all said they used protection!"

Flurrie sweatdropped. "Eww..."

Ms. Rwatt was outraged! "Eww, indeed!"

Pikella looked at the Tiny Mouse Pokémon! "But what about the Pichu! It looks just like Pikario!"

Pikario took a closer look at the baby Pichu! "Actually... this thing looks more like Chuigi than it does me..."

_Everybody looked at Chuigi!_

"Eh, so what? I'm not a coward; I admit doing it. Besides, it was fun being able to actually knock up somebody and get away with it! **WOO HOO!"** Chuigi then promptly jumped out the window!

Pikella slammed her head into the pillows on her bed! "This is just not my day..."

* * *

**_Sometime later, at the dock, Pikario was saying heartfelt goodbyes to all his friends!_**

"Ha! See you bitches later! I got Peach back, and now, we're gonna get it on!" Pikario rejoiced!

Peach jumped up and down! "Yay!"

Squirt waved goodbye! "Thanks, Pikario... You've really taught me... um... violence and... cursing... and, um... bad stuff like that... Thank you?"

Flurrie blew Pikario a kiss that he easily dodged! "So long, Pikario! After traveling around with you, I've decided to go back on stage again, because I've learned that if people don't like my show, **_I'LL SMASH THEM!_** ...With style, of course, my darling!"

Crusher gave Pikario a thumps up! "Keep it real, man! The Crotch Killer don't ever give up and I won't either... especially since I'm a Charizard now! HA HA!"

Vivian blushed and giggled! "I'm really glad I got to know you, Pikario! You're the only guy in the world who told me that being a transsexual is a good thing! I feel like a better man... woman...**_ SOMETHING!"_**

Bobbery exploded! "I say, old boy! You helped get over Scarlette's passing and now I can sail the seas just like I used to, and for that, I thank you, sir!"

Ms. Rwatt slapped Pikario's ass! "Hmmm, even though my hunky piece of cheese ass will be leaving me, I will forever remember all the senseless brutality and carnage you committed during our time together. It has enlightened me in ways I can only express through killing other people and taking their stuff. So, as a burglar and a ninja, I thank you. **_SHURIKEN!"_**

Pikario yawned. "That's nice... Can we go now?"

"Hey, Pikario! Wait up!" Chinio called from a distance, he and Chituni running up to Pikario!

"We brought you a whole case of Viagra! We know you're gonna need it!" Chituni said, giving Pikario the case!

Pikario took the Viagra! "Sweet!"

Peach smiled! "Thank you! We'll have lots of fun with this!"

"There's the boat!" Shroomsworth, who was unimportant, pointed out!

Then, the boat thingy came up and the Shroomish came out! "I'm sorry I'm late, sir, but you said not to come back... so… I was perplexed as to what to do!"

Pushing the Shroomish out of the way, Pikario, Peach, and Shroomsworth boarded the ship! "Whatever! I don't care anymore!"

_So, the Magnificent Seven minus one waved goodbye to Pikario as the boat sailed away! Aww! Goodbyes are so sad!

* * *

_

_Pikario and Peach sat on the back of the boat, watching_ _Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard in the distance! It became all prettyful and shiny and sparkly because the Shadow Queen was dead!_

"Oh, Pikario! This was really fun! Not only did I get captured by some evil X-Nauts bent on taking over the world, but I was possessed, had fun with a computer, ate pie, and I went to the zoo!" Peach reminisced!

Pikario finished off his 12th bottle of Viagra! "Look, I'm totally hyped for this... Can we do it now?"

Peach beamed! "Okay!"

_And so Pikario and Peach got together and made hot, sweet love to each other on the back of the boat! How nice! Coincidentally, the boat wasn't too far away from the dock, so the Magnificent Seven minus one was able to see the 'show'! What a treat for them! _

"...What are they doing?" Vivian asked!

Flurrie was appalled! "...Are they?"

Crusher laughed! "They are!"

"**_EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"_** Squirt jumped into the water to get away from the horrible truth of natural loving, but was almost immediately swimming for his life from a hungry Sharpedo!

_Well, it looks like everybody is once again happy in the world of Pikario and friends! **BLENDERS ARE VERY TASTY!

* * *

**_

_**Authoress' Notes:** And that, my friends, is the end! Finally! Even though this story may be over, I have good news, and it has nothing to do with car insurance because I don't have one yet! Nintendo announced a sequel to "M&L: SS" is coming out in November (Just a few days after the 2nd anniversary of M&L: SS, coincidentally)! Therefore, that means, P&C will have a sequel as well! Hooray! Here are the translations, and sorry I couldn't put them alongside the actual language, but something tells me that doing that will break some kind of rule, so I'd rather not take any chances:_

_1) "What the hell was that?"_

_2) "IT MUST BE WAR!"_

_3) "Or, the world could be ending!"_

_4) "Nope. It's definitely war. FOR I CAN SMELL IT!"_

_5) "I live with a lot of stupid people, yet I always seem to be the smart one! Why is that so?"_


	10. Epilogue: The Really Dumb Ending of Some

_**Authoress' Notes:** Ok, here's the epilogue I promised! Enjoy!

* * *

_

**_College Rule Pikario: The Very Old Door Thingy!_**

_**Epilogue: **The Really Dumb Ending of Something That Was Probably Very Stupid!

* * *

_

"...And _that's_ what happened!" Pikario finished, very proudly, I might add!

_Pikario & Chuigi sat in their living room together, just recently back from their journeys! How they got the house back, I don't know! _

Chuigi frowned! "That's a load of BS! That didn't happen!"

"**_I SAVED THE FUCKING WORLD, FOR GOD'S SAKES! IT HAPPENED!"_** Pikario shouted!

Chuigi flipped him off! "Kiss my ass! That shit is all talk!"

Pikario got out his .38! "Oh, yeah?"

Chuigi whipped out his .22! "Yeah!"

_**BOOOOOOOOOM!** The two started shooting at each other! Such violence! SUCH WAR! Just then, Pikario's Nintendo DS started ringing! Wanting to be able to kill his little brother in peace, Pikario abruptly picked it up!_

"What the hell was that?" Chuigi asked!

Pikario opened the DS! "It's an e-mail, asshole! And it's from... Pikella?"

"You mean that hussy I got away with knocking up?" Chuigi smirked!

"Yeah, the hussy..." Pikario replied, rolling his eyes!

* * *

_Dear Pikario (and maybe Chuigi),_

_You fat bastard! You're lucky you left when you did, cause if I ever see you again, **YOU'RE GOING DOWN!** Even though it's been awhile, I'm still pissed at you because you wouldn't admit your love for me, but it wouldn't be fair not to tell you what's been going on since you left, so..._

_First off, I'm proud to say that graduated from U PiPi, also known as the University of PiPi, as a valedictorian! I don't work with the Prof. anymore, but I run into him every once in a while, since he says he's constantly on the run from federal accounting, or something like that. After traveling around with you, everyone pays me to tell about what happened in our journey! Do you know how much money that is? Like, 859,409,483,738 dollars a day! I'm rich now and I live in Pussy Heights! I bought the Pussy Museum from Pennington and he left, saying something moving to some place called the Hoogivezahkrap Kingdom... Aside from that, all the children are doing fine and growing nicely. Even if they all have different fathers, it doesn't matter, since we're stinkin' rich! In your face, Pikario (and Chuigi)!_

_Also, remember that big shiny, chest thing Prof. Franklyidunno found? Well, we opened it! You won't believe what we found in that thing! I sent it along with this note so you could see for yourself..._

_And guess what? Sweet little Squirt went and evolved! I'm really proud of him, aren't you? He's a Blastoise now and he runs PeachyKeenburg as the mayor! He's still a little shy, like always, but he's really come a long way, don'tcha think? The only problem with being in charge of the town is that he does it by threatening everyone by saying "I'm the master, and I can make you suck me!" ...Ring a bell, Pikario? I ran into him the other day and he and the others doing fine, despite his disturbing terrorization..._

_Flurrie, on the other hand, went back to the stage like she said she would, and she even made a parody out of our adventure and went on tour all over the world with it! It's called "Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door" and it's so totally awesome! The children and I went and saw it well over 50 times! Flurrie went and hired the entire "Paper Mario 2" cast to do the play for her and they're really nice people! I especially like Goombella the most. She's so down to Earth and straight to the point. I wonder why she reminds me so much of myself... _

_As for Crusher, with him being a Charizard and all, he flew back to Glitzville Shitsville and took over the Shitz Pit by storm! He gave me a tour of the place, and I hate to say it, but I think it's worse off now than it was when we where there... Fights break out everywhere and somebody dies almost every hour! Oh, well. At least Crusher and everybody else there is happy. Rawk Hawk isn't the champ anymore since Crusher kicked his ass like, 90,739 times, but he still picks on weaker fighters. Jolene decided to go back to being a stripper out of boredom and Mush took her place as the manager, not a very smart one, though. _

_Vivian went back to Holycrapits6:47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town and she made up with Marilyn, Doopliss, and Beldam, who is currently serving 39,303,789,838 years in Nintendo jail for slapping Shigeru Miyamoto, trying to take over the world without a license, and being mean to Vivian! Vivian also told me that she and Doopliss are getting married, since both of them can either a male or a female (Y'know, Doopliss can turn into anyone he wants at will)! Marilyn even said she was thinking of taking over the world when she got old enough, so she's now currently in Bad Guy Training to get her Evil Bad Guy License! _

_Remember poor, old Bobbery and how he lost Scarlette? Well, it seems he was mistaken! I met up with him on Kill-All the yesterday and he admitted that Scarlette's twin sister was the who had died, while Scarlette had left to travel all over the world! She came back just last week and Bobbery was thrilled! Now, they both live on Kill-All, together with Pa-Patch and all the Shroomishes. Isn't that just too sweet?_

_Last but not least, Ms. Rwatt became an A-List Superstar Shuriken Ninja Assassin, just like she said she would. She's still an Ass Fortune-Teller Extraordinaire, but only on the side. I see her almost all the time around Pussy Heights, since the rich and famous live there and those are usually her targets. Since were friends and all, she promised not to rob and/or kill me. Real nice, huh? (Sarcasm!) She's never been caught in a murder scene and she even keeps her shop, "So U Wanna B A Ninja?", open in Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard so she could earn a few extra bucks. _

_Well, as you can see, I'm rambling at this point, so I'll rap it up. I've learned a lot stuff from you that I'll probably want to forget about in, maybe 12 years, or so, but I still learned some things from you! Since we'll never see each other again (Because I'll kill you if I do!), tell Peach I said hi and kick Chuigi's ass for me!_

_Your Friend/Assassin, Pikella

* * *

_

"Well... that's nice," Chuigi sarcastically said.

Pikario kicked Chuigi's ass! "Shut up! She said she sent the box with her, so where the hell is it?"

Then, Parakarry flew by with a big, shiny chest thing! **_"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! MAIL CALL! MAIL CALL! COME OUT AND GET YOUR MAIL! AND I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GAY AND THINK I MEAN MALE, AS IN A GUY MALE, BECAUSE I DON'T!"_**

"How many times do I have to kill you before you leave us alone?" Chuigi shouted, throwing a baseball bat at Parakarry, knocking him out instantly! Unfortunately, the big, shiny chest thing he was carrying fell on Chuigi!

Pikario ran out and yanked it off his brother, looking inside! "Lemme see! Move it! Mine!"

Chuigi rubbed his head. "Probably something stupid, like drugs from Mexico..."

Proving Chuigi quite wrong in his theory, Pikario pulled out a broken beer bottle! "Hey, this is from our ancestors!"

"How do you know?" Chuigi frowned!

_Pikario then pulled out a picture of a Pikachu and Pichu, who looked just like they did, except they didn't wear the red and green Italian hats!_

Chuigi frowned again! "What the hell...?"

"What?" Pikario turned the entire box thingy over and broken beer bottles poured out! W00t!

"Told you it was something stupid..." Chuigi obviously pointed out!

Pikario shrugged. "Whatever... At least we _have_ ancestors..."

"...Or _do _we?" Chuigi smirked!

Pikario slapped him! "...Shut up..."

_Then, Peach and Shroomsworth walked up!_

"Hi, Pikario! Guess what?" Peach shouted happily!

"We're all going to hell and I'm driving the bus?" Pikario guessed!

Peach giggled! "No, silly! I found a map in the castle that says it leads to treasure!"

"And, chances are, the adventure we're going on this time will be almost exactly like the one you just got done doing!" Shroomsworth shouted!

"I've already got the boat ready, so I'll meet you there!" Peach sang, dancing off!

Pikario lowered his ears! "Not this again..."

Chuigi handed Pikario his .22! "I still got some bullets, man... you know, if you wanna gut yourself..."

Pikario took the gun and hit Chuigi with the hilt of it! **_"DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"

* * *

_**

_**THE END!**_

**_But wait! We can't very well forget about the other Epilogues, can we?_**

_First off, Chinio DID finally get a Nintendo DS and now has about 67,680 games on it! How? I DON'T KNOW!_

_Also, the Umbreons in Holycrapits6:47pmandtheresnothingwecandoaboutit Town decided to go back to being gothic and listening to Evanescence CDs, since it made them look scarier that way!_

_Like he told Pikella, Pennington moved to the Hoogivezahkrap Kingdom and is currently waiting to see if he can somehow make a cameo, or something in "Pikario & Chuigi!" _

_General Red-and-White finally realized that exploding Bob-ombs in ridiculously large cannons off into space for no apparent reason was fun, so he now fires it off almost every day! If you ever hear something loud and booming coming from outside, it's probably him! _

_Frankie, Fransesca, Tony, Vinny, and Da retired Don all still live on Da West Side of Thisisntareallygoodpalcetoberightnowunlessyourethemaincharacterandifyouarethengoodluckcausethefinalbossisfreakinhard, raisin' hell and promoting drives-bys, with Fransesca being the one with all the violent ideas, Tony and Vinny being idiots as always, Da Don doing nothing because he was retired, and Frankie often nodding his head, saying either **"I LOVE YOU!" **or **"YES, DEAR!"**! _

_Shroomsworth still works for the Princess, of course, but he's also on the run from federal accounting, and people **still **don't know what that means!_

_Not feeling like taking over the world anymore, Bowser and Kammy went back to their evil castle of doom and had fried eggs, like Kammy had suggested in the first place!_

_After Chuigi "killed" the Chestnut King in the Pieceashit Kingdom and left, all of his partners took up the throne and now live in OMGIhatethissongbecauseitsbyBritneySpears Tower with fame, fortune, and...um... **CHICKEN!** _

_Grodius, now only a head after the Shadow Queen totally kicked his ass, spends most of his time being the ball or keeping score for the regional X-Naut Basketball Championship Playoffs, held twice every year on Da Moon, which they recently relocated back to, since Crump's plan with trapping Pikario there work!_

_Despite Sylvia's wishes, Goldbomb ended up inviting Michael Jackson AND Michael Jordon over to his house for dinner! Because of this, Bub learned how to play basketball, do the moonwalk, and make up excuses as to why he has to carry around a Nintendo 64 with him everywhere he goes! All of these were perfect reasons for him to join the XBCP on Da Moon, which he did and he because their All-Star Player!_

_Prof. Franklyidunno is currently on the run from federal accounting, and since no one knows what that means, he hasn't been seen since!_

_Hooktail, seeing as she could no longer go on in a world full of crickets, killed herself and now haunts her own castle as a ghost! Unfortunately, this didn't solve the cricket problem. _

_Magnus Von Grapple is currently a pile of shit under some 4-year old's bed! Crump laments over it almost everyday!_

_After getting his ass kicked by Pikario, Grubba continued taking steroids so he could exact his revenge, but he somehow ended up on Flurrie's "Paper Mario 2" World Tour as a bodyguard! The steroids make him Macho Grubba, so he gets to bust the heads of people who didn't pay almost every show!_

_Pleasing Vivian to no end with sexually disturbing antics, Doopliss also joined up with the Evil People from Nintendo in their quest to take over the world with trippy games, such as "Super Mario Sunshine" and "Luigi's Mansion"! He now makes well over 50,492,937,484 dollars a minute!_

_Cortez is still back on Kill-All Key and, out of boredom, he decided to start up a Spanish class for all the Random Shroomishes living on the island. Unfortunately, he couldn't speak English to begin with, so no one's learning anything! _

_Smorg and the Smorg Miasma still take over the Excess Sex Express on a regulary basis, demanding food, money, and front row tickets to see Flurrie's "Paper Mario 2" World Tour!_

_Magnus Von Ass-Kicker, the 2.0 Version of Magnus Von Grapple is currently being rebuilt as Magnus Von Pwn3d, the 3.0 Version of Magnus Von Ass-Kicker, the 2.0 Version of Magnus Von Grapple, but due to Crump's idiotic orders and awful-ass calculations, it'll never be a gigantic robot bent on world destruction ever again. _

_TEC, on the other hand, was fixed by Pikella and joined up with AOL like she suggested when she got him working! So far, he's only one virus away from **TAKING OVER NEPTUNE!** And maybe Mars._

_The Shadow Queen remained as nothing but a small puff of black smoke until 1,000 years later, she came back and **TOOK OVER THE WORLD! **Now, everyone lives in eternal darkness and hatred forever! So, if you ever plan on living in the year 3005, you'd be better off dead! Pikario's great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great- great grandchildren were too lazy to get rid of her, but seem in a world full of darkness and turmoil doesn't seem to bother them much! They actually bet on how times they'll get struck by Evil Flat Grape Soda Lightning in one day!_

_Now in the possession of the Shadow Queen, the Crystal Stars now spend their days striking people with black lightning and killing innocent children! They occasionally go after old geezers, but children run faster, making it more fun to chase them!_

_Being the Shadow Queen's favorite pet, Blacktail was granted great power and strength, but he still spend most of the time in the Place of Shadowy Shadowness That is Very Shadowy Just Because It Is with gas from eating Pokemon... who make him gassy! It's been suggested that the Place of Shadowy Shadowness That is Very Shadowy Just Because It Is be renamed as the Place of Stinky Stinkyness That is Very Stinky Just Because A Gassy Salamence Lives Here! _

_Even though he wasn't in the story, Bonetail is very cool and freaky, therefore he deserves an Epilogue! He's been dead for over 789,101,234,289 years and trapped in the Pit of 1,000 Ass-Kickings for over... well... a really long time! If he ever escaped, he would take over the world, due to his 200HP pwness!_

_Finally losing his virginity to Princess Eclair, Chuigi somehow continued living until 3005, with 85,000 children. He also teamed up with the Shadow Queen and is serious when it comes to homicide!_

_Believe it or not, it seems that Princess Eclair was actually the Shadow Queen's little sister! Holy crap! So, now she, Chuigi, the Shadow Queen, and Pikario's great (etc.) children rule the world with the Crystal Stars!

* * *

_

_Well, since the world has ended, I guess that's REALLY..._

_**THE END!

* * *

**_

_**Authoress' Notes: **Hallelujah! **CRP **is finally over with and it sure did go out with a bang! As you probably may have noticed, I didn't do an Epilogue on everybody because some of them were already better off as the way I left them, so there was no point. For others, it was just too funny **not** to make one for them! Well, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!_


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